To think this is immature ?

[HockeyMum1996]

My sister’s 17 year son has just dropped out of an A Level course and he has a full time job atm.

Both my sis and my BIL are very well educated, upper middle class professionals- both did A levels, went to uni, worked hard and have now both got senior roles.

My sister clearly isn’t happy that her son left school, and when I went round her house for Sunday Lunch she’d had a few drinks and said in an angry, drunken voice that one of the ladies at church who has a son in the same school year as my nephew, said “I’m sorry for what’s happened” - ie my nephew leaving school. She went on to criticise nephew’s character saying he “couldn’t stick at anything and is hopeless”

my nephew could hear all this and was in the next room.

truth is, my nephew hated school and is much happier in work

AIBU to that sister’s being unreasonable?

my nephew dropped out of A levels - but I feel my sister can’t just scold him because of what another woman said in church ?

my sister has form for being immature abd a bit intolerant of differences

This is still raw for the sister. It’s the end of the academic year - has he quit just before taking exams? What happened so this needed to be so immediate? Did he get any support from college to make an informed decision?

It is, of course, totally ok to pursue a non-academic future, but does he understand the consequences of his choice? Would his salary be enough to live on, or progress to that once he reaches statutory age?

I think this is tricky all around. On the one hand the nephew has the right to make his own choices. The mum has the right to disagree with them and (safely, reasonably) demonstrate consequences.

@HockeyMum1996 can I ask. Did this actually happen with your sister and nephew or did it happen with you and your mum, and you’re trying to process it years later?

Omg you have nailed it
the mistake the op made twice referring to her son
the fact the job she describes sounds like it’s from the 1990s
and the intricate knowledge she has, even down to recounting a conversation her nephew had with his “friend”

100%

Education is hardly a plan to be followed, to be honest if you have the opportunity to finish school why leave it? I know there are people that do very well without school, but they might have been at many interviews were they could better at but didn't get the job because of the lacks in the cv. Is unfair but is the reality of life. Is naive to think the experience is the same, is not you have to work harder to prove yourself. Is true you can go later in life and many people do, however, again, this is much harder. Harder to study as your brain is not the same, harder to find the time as you have rent to pay and kids to feed so you need to keep a job at the same time, everything is so much harder. Also, many better opportunities could have been missed. There are so many people who don't have access to education, is sad to see young people drop it so easily. Education is not necesarily about finding a job in your field, if you can, then great! But I think is more about showing your future employer that you were able to start something, work hard, stick with it and finish it. Is about commitment and resilience. I know is not black and white and many people don't have this luxury due to personal circumstances. I don't talk about these people.

Just to address some questions:

my nephew left college February 2025 - he’s due to take exams in June 2026.

He’s actually in school 6th form not a college - and really doesn’t fit in with the type of demographic at the school

No realistically it’s not a salary he could live on

This is the thing. He was getting terrible marks at school and my sister said to him in disapproval:

”YOU COULD BE OUT EARNING!!”

So he duly left school and not she has tantrums and belittles him about leaving! If that’s not bullying I don’t know what is ..

“

He's 17 so he has finished school
He's dropped out of Alevels but not Everyone ltakes them there are lots of other courses that might suit him better.

Has he looked into other level three courses that might suit him better?

I dint know to be honest - he might’ve.

I think cos he’s working so many hours that he wouldn’t have time to. That’s my prediction

Quite honestly you sound as though you despise your sister. Why don’t you call her out on her drinking and that she is making her family miserable, that she is perhaps the motivation for her son to take such drastic action.

Why don’t you offer him a home now or if he decides to go back into some form of education even around his FT work, plenty of people do. He sounds like a super motivated boy though whether that’s because or despite of his parenting begs the question. You could point out to her that they have a bloody hardworking child who is determined to get on, just not in her chosen route.

If family can’t gently point out some home truths who can?

I think I have. And I completely understand her anger with her mum.

Thank you. This seems like sound advice and I’ll take it on board

Really tricky but sounds like your nephew wants to succeed and is trying his best so good on him.

If the sixth form wasn’t working out for him I wonder if there are other local colleges including those offering a mix of vocational routes or a-levels that he can consider for the new academic year. You didn’t mention what sort of job he’s got. A surprising number of companies offer on the job vocational training (though some do require a-levels) so I’d urge him to do some research into those then he gets a sense of what’s available.A number of those programmes will start in September.

I wondered if your sister has lost any benefits now he’s no longer in education - maybe those household budget numbers are causing stress too.

Yes I think college would suit him better tbh

he’s an office junior

What was your mother like OP? Did you by chance drop out at 17 too?

@HockeyMum1996

Which A Level subjects would he have taken the exams in next year, OP?

I did 6 A Levels and only 3 of them actually had any bearing on my successful career as a mechanical engineer. And I only did the second 3 because my first 3, when I was going to be a college lecturer (in English language and literature), were totally useless for engineering. I never knew I was an engineer because girls didn't do engineering in 1995. Honestly, about 5 years into my career, as I was finally getting to study at HE level, I was wishing I'd just done an apprenticeship at 16 and that might be the best route for your nephew. Not only do I speak from firsthand experience as a senior manager but I'm also just about to complete my PGCE (to be a lecturer, but in engineering). I would hands-down employ a level 3 or level 4, apprenticed design, project or quality engineer, over someone with a first class honours degree and no work experience. Your sister sounds like a snobby cow. Keep on being his safe space.

I can totally understand your sister being disappointed that he dropped out of A levels. My son is at university and at one point I thought he would drop out and I would have been upset. Although I would have supported him with that decision. He now loves uni so that's great.

I wonder if he was pushed into certain A levels as you mention he never liked them. He can always go back to them later. He sounds extremely hard working actually with so many jobs. Mum must have done something right to install such good work ethics.

Very sad she is an alcoholic though she needs desperate help

Not being unreasonable at all. I did similar, my husband never even attempted 6th form (his mother couldn’t afford it) and went to working at 16. I was 18 but left in the second year of 6th form.
we both worked extremely hard, built careers from the group up. We are both in IT, most of our peers have degrees but it’s not really a factor over experience.
We are both earning very good money, have a lovely home, 2 cars, foreign holidays, no debt and 4 kids ( we are now in our early 40s). Oh, and unlike so many of our friends, we didn’t spend years repaying student debt!
We are more than comfortable.

A degree only gets you in the door at the star of your career, but if you get through the door without one you work at a lower level you work your way up. By the time you take into account the deduction from student loans, you may not even be earning much less than someone who did go to uni.

My two sons were raised in the same household and went to the same schools. The elder one went to uni and got a degree that has enabled him to work in a role he may not otherwise have had the chance to do. My younger one dropped out of education at 16 (after one term at college studying electronic engineering). At this point I told him that while I wasn't thrilled that he may be limiting his life chances by doing so, if he wasn't happy, then that was his choice. However, he was not going to be laying around the house doing nothing.

He went off and got a job in a pub and, about a year later decided to go back to college (a different one) part-time, from where he eventually qualified as an electrician. A while later he undertook a related degree course (day release) and is now well established in the trade.

He just took a bit of time to discover what he enjoyed. Not everyone is academically gifted and forcing them to do something they don't enjoy is no good for anyone.

Seems to me that your nephew is just not academic and has found his niche, which may change in time. He's still quite young (boys mature more slowly than girls, in my experience) and is finding his way. Support is what he needs, not condemnation by small-minded people, whoever they are. I wish him every success in life - whatever path that takes him down.

A levels aren't "the very last hurdle", not by a long chalk, compared to the parents. And what has "not having children" got to do with anything? I agree with this poster and I DO have children! My son didn't even start 6th form. The moment he finished his GCSEs he was out of education and into a job. He absolutely hated school and though I would have preferred for him to continue onto A Levels and then university, because he definitely had the ability, I completely understood snd supported his decision. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT GOOD PARENTS DO! I also knew that there was still ample time for him to return to education at a later date if that's what he wanted to do. It wasn't and he didn't. He worked his way up where he now is (earning an excellent 6 figure salary in computing) the hard way and he couldn't be happier (nor could I be prouder). Conventional education routes aren't for everyone. Some people need to find their own way. And they definitely don't need to overhear their parent insulting and demeaning them!