To think this is immature ?

[HockeyMum1996]

My sister’s 17 year son has just dropped out of an A Level course and he has a full time job atm.

Both my sis and my BIL are very well educated, upper middle class professionals- both did A levels, went to uni, worked hard and have now both got senior roles.

My sister clearly isn’t happy that her son left school, and when I went round her house for Sunday Lunch she’d had a few drinks and said in an angry, drunken voice that one of the ladies at church who has a son in the same school year as my nephew, said “I’m sorry for what’s happened” - ie my nephew leaving school. She went on to criticise nephew’s character saying he “couldn’t stick at anything and is hopeless”

my nephew could hear all this and was in the next room.

truth is, my nephew hated school and is much happier in work

AIBU to that sister’s being unreasonable?

my nephew dropped out of A levels - but I feel my sister can’t just scold him because of what another woman said in church ?

my sister has form for being immature abd a bit intolerant of differences

They all find their own path in life. DS has decided uni isn't for him straight from school, and going to college instead. He will find his own path to success. Your DNephew should be praised for successfully getting a job, not all young people have that drive to do well.

School isn't for everyone.

People need to find their own path. I couldn’t.m have done more education straight after school. I was done. I couldn’t have applied myself.

I did however do a degree in the end and now have professional career. I just couldn’t have done it at 17. Maybe her DS will be the same. Or perhaps he’ll want to learn a trade. Whatever happens it’s his life to live.

dd2 decided she couldn’t face doing A levels shortly before she was due to start them. She switched to a T level course and is so happy with her decision. He’ll find his way.

I can’t believe some of the comments on this thread.

surely all any of us want for our children are for them to be happy?
if higher education isn’t for my children, I would much rather they come to me and tell me, then do something about it than stick at something that is going to make them miserable.

my inlaws are very (upper) middle class, both university educated, high up in their chosen careers and very driven.
their eldest (14) seems to be on the same path.
their youngest (11) has different strengths, and they’ve already accepted this, and have both said that they can see a trade apprenticeship being the route that will be best for him, and there wasn’t an ounce of disappointment from them.

So 2x the OP accidentally referred to her nephew as her son?

Ok so the 17 yr old who has dropped out is the OP’s son, and the sister was critical.

OP… you could have just told us that it was your son. It doesn’t lessen your sister’s unreasonableness. The fact you felt the need to conceal it is your son though would indicate you aren’t particularly happy in the turn of events. At all.

So she is trying to parent by the opinions of others, if I was him I would disown her she is being ridiculous

I’d wonder why, and want to address that.

I’d encourage him to use this as a year out while he considered what he wanted to do next, for example go to college the following year to do his A levels, or maybe get an apprenticeship.

I’d be quite proud he had found himself a job, rather than dropping out entirely.

I wouldn’t drunkenly slag him off within his earshot.

Myself and my husband are highly educated, to Masters and PhD levels. I’d be unimpressed if either of my kids dropped out of school, esp without even getting A levels. Maybe another route? Apprenticeship or a company sponsored progression route? The thing is without A levels, many doors already will be closed to him. I’d allow my sister grace to be peeved off, I know I would be and my husband would definitely be as he’s a university professor!

My very clever daughter left school at 17, despite me insisting she needed her A levels, and got an apprenticeship. 10 years later she went back to uni, having done an access course, and got a first - because she was doing what she knew she wanted. She still has a trade qualification. At least he’s not sitting at home doing nothing, he’s starting his adult life

I think it's very easy for people who were educated a certain way to think that's the only way to make something of yourself. Sounds like your nephew is actually pretty grounded in his current work and may well excel in that environment, far more so than he would within education. I hope your BIL continues to give him confidence to do that. Your sister may be upset but she needs to think outside the box because she'll just push him away if she doesn't. She needs to find the confidence to say to the women at church that there is no pity-partyand stand up Bc be proud of her son.

I dropped out of A Levels! I’m now an accountant, I was much happier in work at 17 than in college. I went through an apprenticeship route, got all my qualifications paid for and I’m a qualified chartered accountant working for the big 4 with nearly 20 years work experience and no student loan. A Levels are NOT the be all and end all

But the boy in this situation WAS NOT doing well at school. And probably happier working. He can always return to education at a later date

I have kids and helped bring up several nieces etc. I think it's both unfair, awful parenting to slate him as hopeless (let only in his hearing), and hyper critical because without jobs like bin men and other jobs most of us wouldn't have comfortable lives. There are loads of options that do not revolve around education. Lot of job opportunities come through internal promotion and once in a company unless technical ir likewise outside quality like GCSEs and definitely A-Levels/Degrees. I have a BSC Hons in Computing specialising. I joined an IT company. Had to start at service desk level where my BSC was irrelevant. I now work doing my degree type work (I actually do technical stuff my uni never even covered). None of my degree got ne there. My personal skills and willingness to work hard got me there. Not one single job of any type looked at my GCSEs, A-Levels OR degree. Our IT company (one of top 5 in world) insist people work their way up until in specialist area like HR/CEO levels (and even then they start internally before considering external).

He didn't just drop out to laze around or to go travelling to "find himself" He's got himself a full time job, I would be proud! Not everyone is academic.

I have a 17 year old dd and whilst I'd rather she remained at school pursuing an IB I don't think you can/should force them to do something they don't want to do at that age. It's not like he's decided to become a bump and sit around all day.
Lots of my relatives have left school at 16/17 and got a dead end job until they worked out what they wanted. One left school at 16 to fill shelves at a supermarket and ended up going to Oxford when he was in his early 20s.

Reading between the lines here you are jealous of your sister and happy her son has made a shit decision

What is even the big deal with A levels? My DD did them and never used them. My DS didn't do them, I think people will be more interested in his degree rather than the lack of A levels

So, he’s a 17 year old school dropout with no qualifications who has somehow managed to get a job that will allow him to live independently of his alcoholic mother?

Wouldn’t a more normal post about this have been ‘I’m worried about my alcoholic sister and the effect her drinking is having on my teenage nephew, who has dropped out of school?’

Getting into a degree course without A-levels will be far more complicated and involve further study, or an Access course etc.

I'm not sure how you've linked the comment to immaturity?

Nobody should be calling him useless. But there will be disappointment amongst some family who maybe wanted him to do more academically.
He's made a decision and hopefully it's a good one. Though at 17 it's reasonable for adults to possibly have a bit to say about his choices.

He doesn't have to do what they say and they won't shun him forever. Unless they really are very shallow.

He doesn’t live independently of her

His mum lies and says you others he’s in college or “taking a year” off - when he’s working

sadly my nephew has found this out

It’s very

what about me? WAH WAH WAH

If your nephew has good social skills and work ethic then they will probably be fine in life as those are increasingly deemed to be desirable qualities from employers as much as qualifications these days. Our firm has struggled to find school leavers with a good work ethic and social skills. My friend who does my hair who owns her own salon says exactly the same thing. Ironically, it doesn't sound like your sister has good social skills.

Nonsense. My DS did ( well didn't because of covid) GCSES then 2 years at college doing a btec then to uni ( same year group as he would've done if staged at school) Exactly what was more complicated about that?