To think this is immature ?

[HockeyMum1996]

My sister’s 17 year son has just dropped out of an A Level course and he has a full time job atm.

Both my sis and my BIL are very well educated, upper middle class professionals- both did A levels, went to uni, worked hard and have now both got senior roles.

My sister clearly isn’t happy that her son left school, and when I went round her house for Sunday Lunch she’d had a few drinks and said in an angry, drunken voice that one of the ladies at church who has a son in the same school year as my nephew, said “I’m sorry for what’s happened” - ie my nephew leaving school. She went on to criticise nephew’s character saying he “couldn’t stick at anything and is hopeless”

my nephew could hear all this and was in the next room.

truth is, my nephew hated school and is much happier in work

AIBU to that sister’s being unreasonable?

my nephew dropped out of A levels - but I feel my sister can’t just scold him because of what another woman said in church ?

my sister has form for being immature abd a bit intolerant of differences

Are you close to her op? This issue with your nephew aside?

Thanks and agree with what you say here.

He’s academic - just not good at the particular subjects he chose. He chose subjects that didn’t suit him. Plus he hates school.

No im not particularly close - she’s very bossy and entitled

This is the second post where you’ve mixed up who is who’s mother and who is who’s son.
Is any of it real?

yes spot on !!

Yes it’s real

and I suspect her sister was talking about the OP’s son

Your sister was incredibly bitchy to talk like that in earshot of her son.

School doesn't suit everyone. He's not hanging around the house sponging off his parents; he's got a full time job and is happy with his choices.

He's only 17. He can go back to studying later if he wants.

I was a swotty kid so did the traditional o levels, A levels and uni route.

My sister was just as bright but hated 6th form and left. My parents were supportive. They must have worried about her but didn't push her to stay (and she's very bright so had the potential to do well) because they saw how unhappy she was.

They helped her to explore her options and find work that she enjoyed at the time. She ended up having a couple of career changes, getting a degree as a mature student and is very happy.

What?

Well, you can have a successful career and life without school grades. Plenty of people do. It depends on the overall character of a person how that turns out for them.
Drop out and smoke weed and do nothing, is a different life to drop out, work, gain experience, go back to education later in life and/or build a business.

But not everyone is a high achiever. Do you think people in minimum wage jobs have failed at life

Completely agree. The most successful high earners I know dont have degrees, or else they got one later on in life in their 30s and 40s.

Wouldn’t describe her behaviour as immature, more ignorant, snobby and downright nasty, especially if he was in earshot. It’s not as if he’s sitting about the house doing nothing, he’s working full-time and is almost an adult, old enough to make his own decisions. Sounds like your SIL had a set idea for what his education/career progression would be and he’s done something different and she’s pissed off about it. It’s not her life and she can’t control his decisions anymore. Young people need guidance but at the end of the day they need to make their own decisions and their own way in the world and parents just need to suck it up. He’s 17 years old, he has SO much time to go back to education later on, perhaps when he has a strong idea of what he wants to do. Far too many 18 year olds go to uni just “because” with no clue what they want to do and waste money on a pointless degree in a subject they end up hating.

No, if that’s where they were heading

but say you were flying high and on for very high results, superb degree at great uni etc, then well, I mean - you’ve not exactly achievers where you were heading in an unskilled NMW job

i wouldn’t want that for my child because quite honestly jobs like that tend to be boring and a bit shit

This site is full of snobbery and is the wrong one to ask this.

Mumsnet is obsessed with career career career uni uni uni , have kids at 40+.

Back in the real world, you get one life, if the academic route isn't for your nephew, then there's plenty of options. Trades ? Great career choice- you can end up owning your own business; you can make far more money than white collar uni jobs. Either way, if he's happy, that comes first. So long as he's employed and earning. It's a great start.

Your sister is a shallow snob.

But op nephew isn't a high achiever expected to do great things and neither are any of my kids

100% all of this

My child was doing super well at school - all A-stars at GCSE. Then left school after GCSEs to be a dancer.

Did he actually choose those subjects, or was he “strongly encouraged “ to pick them? Would he have done well at a different school/different subjects?

If he is academic , but on the wrong courses he should look into options for going back to school. If he isn’t, he should look into apprenticeships, trades etc. His job can give him some respite and thinking time for now.

Me neither. People are weird on here. Not everyone is cut out for or wants to do further education,.it's not the be all and end all.

Tbh it sounds like he needs some support and maybe he's got the full time job now so he can get away from his mother. If she's saying shit like that in earshot to other people, you can guarantee she's being a nasty fucker to his face.

Not everyone makes a career through education. Workplaces can develop people with qualifications or there are apprenticeships. Everyone has their own path.

Yes but it's not your life. Not everyone wants high achieving and most likely highly stressful, if they want boring and lowkey who are you to say otherwise?

Yes but if said person is 17 and previously flying and ambitious… I’d be very concerned by decision to jack it in

YANBU. I HATED school and left at 15 and only went back to sit my O’level exams. A few years later I did evening classes for A levels and carried on studying p/t whilst working f/t and gained degrees in Law and Postgrad IT qualifications.

My stepson (mid-forties) dropped out of Uni in his final year and got a minimum wage job. It gave him an excellent grounding in the world of work and he’s worked his way up, got headhunted a couple of times and is now on big bucks on the city managing multi-million pound projects.

I think the UK education system is deeply flawed if you’re different in some way and that’s why I decided to educate our youngest child abroad.

There’s always opportunities in life if you’ve got talent and a bit of luck.

@Fingerpie yes but OPs nephew isn't. It's only the parents that are. A highly ambitious teen wouldn't be dropping out like that in the first place. OP said he's miserable and in the words of his mother "hopeless" so doesn't sound like he was excelling at school.

Agreed
but the conversation broadened and I had been referring to my 17 year old in relation to another poster referring to her 17 year old