To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

Oof….. 2 years together and both have children, no way would I consider moving in together at this point! Not even for a nano second! Yep, I would do exactly the same.

Just to make it clear, his DC is adult and work l, and my DCs are at uni and one there soon. We are 50/50+. Still, no plan to live together. It's been discussed and we've agreed.

People will probably slate me for this - but my financial situation is better than DP-s, as well. I'm not risking that. Especially when things are great as they are.

No way would I even be thinking about blend ing homes in your shoes

To me it's more "Don't fix something that isn't broken". I've had a marriage that seemed perfect on paper - someone who did all the right things.

But, and this is a big but, the actions weren't consistent with the words. Therefore I, nowadays, rate actions more than words. And I don't do things out of convenience. I do what I feel is right for me/us. So, if someone doesn't use the L word, but acts with gestures - like cooks food for us that he knows I love, holds my hand in bed, is interested in where I'm from and doing things with me - then I take that over someone that says the he loves me but who takes me for granted.

With time, I've re-evaluated what really means something to me. So I completely get OP.

I'm two years in with DP and we've never said these words to each other. It was hard for me at first,

when you say it was hard for you, do you mean it was hard for you not to tell him that you love him?

I meant that I was used to hear those words "all the time" so that's what I thought I needed. That that what was a good relationship needs.

But then I realised that I left my marriage because actions didn't follow. I felt that the words said were more platitudes (ie they're too easy to say without the actual meaning behind it) and what I have now is what I actually want. Someone who tells me I'm beautiful, who thinks I'm smart and who wants to do things in life that I want to do. That means much more than the L word to me.

Someone who tells me I'm beautiful, who thinks I'm smart and who wants to do things in life that I want to do. That means much more than the L word to me.

me too.

but for me the L word is also rather nice too alongside. But if you had pretty bleak associations with the L word, I totally get not relishing the thought of its presence in a much healthier relationship than previously was the case

I wonder if since this thread the op @Takinitgottobserd has moved in with boyfriend and maybe even got married…. All without once saying I love you to each other?!

Having read the OP’s posts…. I very much doubt it!!

It's become much more expected to express these feelings. But I have a very close friend who thinks it's a bit naff and neither she nor her husband are into verbalising their feelings. It is what works for them and they are clearly close. Whatever works for you both is fine. Sometimes it changes when you have children.