To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

You say you love this person and he loves you, and you think that should convince people. But you say yourself that words mean nothing to you, so why should you insist that your words should mean so much to everyone else? My opinion is based only partly on your words. It's also about how you respond to others (the only emotions you actually show are anger and contempt) and also what you don't say, and don't acknowledge.

Frankly it is weird that you even started this thread. You cannot possibly think that your approach to expressing love is not unusual in our culture. It's odd. So why did you start this thread?

Don't lie. That was the third sentence.

Okay. I’m not in my 20s. I’m knocking 40. I’ve had ‘serious’ relationships where we tell each other we love each other, live together, plan for marriage. This feels much, much better. And I love him much, much more.

I’ll take your word about the kids. I don’t want any, despite previous partners applying pressure.

Maybe what’s right for you isn’t what’s right for me.

The thread was interesting until the nutters started taking it over.

I'm sure It does feel better if you've been hurt in the past to be less invested and have less asked of you.

What are you 'taking my word' on regarding kids? I'm literally talking about the depth of feeling and involvement BEFORE marriage and kids because it is closest to the life you want.

I'm sorry someone tried to force you into having kids, I strongly believe women should be able to choose whether or not they want children and when and with whom.

I know you're in your 40s, which is what makes it so emotionally bizarre.

😂😂 Fucking Hell.

Ha! You laughed! Not a total robot then.

I know you're in your 40s I’m not in my 40s.

I haven’t been ‘hurt’ in the past. I was abused in the past.

Anyway, this is going nowhere.

Ah

You are recovering from abuse

Then it all makes a lot more sense, have you had counselling to help you address the abuse you suffered?

I have said this already in my posts. I have asked you multiple times if you’ve read them. Clearly not.

There were 9 pages of single line responses, I read to page 5, I already said that.

Ok I think you would benefit from counselling. I hope you are able to heal.

Jesus Christ. Someone wanting a relationship different from yours doesn’t mean they need healing.

People who are in love tell each other how they feel about one another.

I mean it happens all the time that people love each other and don’t express it directly with words.. like as OP explained with her parents, I’m sure they loved her, just some people are reserved or awkward about saying it for example

Why do you think not wishing to live with a partner / not being bothered by marriage means being less invested

Nah. People who are both in love say it, at least once, to each other.

You cannot speak for the entire planet.

I don't, not at all, I do think the way op talks about her partner makes her seem emotionally stunted and not properly I vested, or not sure he is. And the defensiveness.

It sounds very much like they go on a date each weekend, have sex and go on holidays together. It sounds lovely but it's not particularly deep is it?

Fuck me. Read. My. Posts.

When we were going through a miscarriage, the death of my mother, and redundancy it didn’t feel ‘not particularly deep’.

But this post is not about those things. How fucking hard can this be to understand?

Then what are you doing?

Do you understand what dating means?

These people who feel they have to minimise other people’s experiences because they do things differently to them are pathetic.

I imagine you’re one of those who thinks that a relationship isn’t valid unless you live together, the type who would start a thread along the lines of “he’s not your partner, he’s your boyfriend.”

newsflash, you’re wrong.

Firstly, you clearly don’t actually understand the meaning of the word “dating” if you think that not living together only means dating. People don’t live together for a variety of reasons. I don’t live with my partner and we’ve been together for twelve years. For logistical reasons living together hasn’t been possible, but twelve years on it works for me, and many others for that matter, to have my space during the week and see him at weekends as he works in another city so is there during the week. That’s not dating, it’s a relationship. He’s my partner just as much as he would be if he lived with me permanently. No “dating” involved there, and we’ve been through life experiences which most people never will. If you feel the need to minimise that to satisfy your own need to feel that a relationship where you don’t live together isn’t valid then that’s on you, not the people whose relationships don’t fit your criteria.

Secondly,if partner is defined only by living together, then surely that means that if you move some bloke in after the first date, he becomes your partner, even if that means you know nothing about each other compared to a relationship which has been ongoing for several years but where the couple don’t live together for their own valid reasons. I don’t think so.

You do know there are actual married couples who don’t live together don’t you? Does that make their marriage less valid? No of course it doesn’t.

I’m sorry you feel so insecure in your own relationship that you feel such a need to belittle others’ just to make yourself feel superior.

She sees him only at the weekend despite living close by, they plan holidays and movies but seemingly nothing more, they don't tell each other they love each other, she's not entirely sure how he feels about living together or marriage, everything is vague.

Not living together doesn't mean it's not just dating but all those other things, that is very much dating or a casual relationship. It lacks the emotional trappings of anything more.

I was with my husband 10 yrs before we married we were much more than dating. I could however have told you his feelings on most subjects, we DID discuss how we felt, in detail, our plans for the future went way beyond where to holiday to next. You don't have to live together or be married to be in a serious relationship but op sounds like she is 5 yrs into dating albeit monogamous

It is odd, is what I'm saying. And it is.

It's less odd in cultures where people don't marry for love. There it would be considered normal to never say you love your partner - probably because you don't, really, and it's not the point of the relationship.

But I'm assuming OP and her partner have not been forced together by their families, or betrothed to one another for reasons of convenience, so yes, in this case, it is odd.

You didn’t merely say it was odd (in your opinion.)

You said people who love each other will say that. You cannot say that. You can only speak for yourself.

Some people are simply more at ease verbally expressing their emotions than others.