To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

Why

Well you don't speak or behave as though you have any actual feelings of love towards anyone. And according to you, your partner would find any mention of the word "love" to be concerning and disturbing. I have no idea why you think he loves you or why you think you love him. People who are in love tell each other how they feel about one another. Partly because at some point the feelings demand expression. People blurt it out.

Maybe you do love him but the only expression you can imagine for those feelings is starting a thread on MN. Which is both odd and sad.

Either way, you asked if it’s odd and yes, it is, very.

This I the last time I explain to you something I’ve already explained on this thread.

I don’t like saying it, I don’t like lovey dovey conversations, I see no need to say it. I’ve said it to men in the past and heard it from them and it’s meant absolutely nothing. I tell him often how lucky I feel to have found him. That means a lot more from me.

🙄🙄 Not going to bother reading past your first sentence.

You asked for opinions, OP. Perhaps that was a mistake. You don't seem equipped to deal with hearing them.

Oh ok so what would he say if you said it post coital

What does he say back when you say you feel lucky to have found him?

I didn’t seek opinions on whether I love him. I know I do. Perhaps learn to read and comprehend the OP. Clearly it’s something many people on this forum struggle with.

I’ve told you that I’m not answering any more ‘what would he say’ posts.

Similar back. Or he’ll say similar first.

Because you don't know and it scares you

You asked for opinions on whether it was odd to not tell each other "I love you." I said yes it is very odd, and I explained my reasoning for that response. You then got in a big old huff about it - as you have with everyone who has tried to discuss your OP with you.

All a bit silly, isn't it? If you've ever read a novel, watched a film, or listened to a song, you already know that your attitude is very weird.

Nailed it

It doesn’t scare me at all. I don’t care. Maybe you’re projecting what would scare you. And it’s entirely okay for you to feel that way within your relationship.

You definitely are “lucky” to have found one another
there can’t be many people in 5 year plus relationship, in the mid thirties who have zero intention is ever saying I love you to one another, who are positively uncomfortable with the words, and don’t care or indifferent as to whether they ever share a home together or marry

Again, only managed the first sentence, but my ‘huff’ was about you stating that I don’t love him. You cannot possibly know what my emotions are better than I do. It’s just weird. And actually this was covered off by another poster back on the first page.

Yes, that’s why we’re so lucky to have found each other I suppose. Thanks.

oh yes

here comes the old chestnut… you must be so unhappy, you are clearly in a poor relationship or “projecting” 😆

🙄

Two people happy to live entirely separately and meet up for sex, a cuddle and the odd holiday and plan to stay that way for the rest of their lives.

and live 2 mins from one another!

it could be a romantic movie!

Not sure what I’ve said to give the impression I want to be in a romantic film. It’s not for you. I get it. You don’t have to keep telling me, and you don’t have to do the same as me.

I’m happy. He’s happy. All sorted.

Guessing you didn’t see him this weekend

night

ps I would def watch if it was made in to a film!!

I see him every weekend, but why do you care?

No, my husband and I have been together 18 years, married for 8, a whole lifetime practically we've been with one another, were very lucky and we know that.

I had a boyfriend in my 20s though where I might have said the same as you say now and I thought it was all very committed and long-term and somehow cool that we knew without saying. I didn't realize the depth that was missing. I do now and it's night and day the difference between dating for 5 years and having an actual life together. It's really odd hearing someone parrot what I used to say before years of growth and healing and real and enduring love.

It's a very different thing to 'love' someone you're dating and the love that comes from the shared experience of a life together. And I mean that for the 10 years before marriage and kids too and the years before we lived together, it's not the unorthodox nature of your relationship that's odd, it's the lack of emotional involvement you seem to want or give

So you're dating. You see each other for an overnight at the weekend.