To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

Yes that is you

He is also “indifferent”?

My friend’s partner is ASD. They’ve been together for 30 years and he’s never once said he loves her. In cards he writes ‘to xxxx, love xxxx’. I find this incredibly sad, for her. But then my husband will write a paragraph on how much he loves me. 😊

Each to their own, I guess.

The op is “indifferent” to ever living with him

OP, how do you spend your time with him and how often together? Have you ever holidayed together? You socialise as a couple with friends and family?

If there have been things we’re not happy about we’d let each other know, yes. To be honest though, it’s very rare there’s anything were unhappy about with each other.

So he is also “indifferent” to ever living together?
he too has said doesn’t ever want children?
his family also never have said or say “I love you”?

Probably not. I like having my own space and I’m used to it. Maybe if we bought somewhere where we could each have a living room.

I honestly don’t know. I’ve never asked him.

I think it's unusual, but not weird, if that makes sense. If you're both happy with it and you both know you love each other, it's not a problem.

I never had any doubt whatsoever that they loved me more than anything.

😅 Do you have to live with someone and plan to have a family to be able to love them? I was pregnant with his child once. Was I able to love him then?

Have you ever holidayed with him op?

do you socialise with friends and family as a couple?

do you stay over at one another’s home?

Actions speak louder than words.

Plenty of people broadcast their "love" including social media "best husband/wife ever!!" and are divorcing within the year.

You do you.

I think he is, yeah. He doesn’t particularly want to do either, or if he does he hasn’t mentioned it 😅

I think if you are both fine with it, it's fine. Lots of people might find it unnerving or upsetting not to hear it but if that's not the case in your relationship that's fine.

This is exactly what I write in his. It’s never occurred to me he might be said (which I’m absolutely sure he isn’t).

You don’t seem to talk about anything relating to feelings or plans op if you don’t know his thoughts on whether he ever sees himself as living with you or wanting a family! It sounds like it works for you.

Have you holidayed ever with him?
Do you stay over at one another’s homes and share a bed together?

That might not be your idea of a loving relationship, but we are not all the same.

I make sure the last thing I say to my partner every time I walk out of the door is bye I love you. I don’t think I could live with myself if I never saw him again, even though he knows I love him.

I went to Tesco before and rushed out of the door before I got caught in school traffic and forgot to say it and he text me “you forgot to say I love you”.

I wouldn’t be happy in a relationship where we didn’t say we loved each other, even though I know words mean nothing. If it works for you then it works for you! I would say it is unusual though.

I think it all depends on what you’re used to.

My mum is an incredibly tactile, loving person, who tells me she loves me all the time. That’s what I grew up with and I guess it shaped me as I tell my husband that I love him approximately a hundred times a day! And luckily for me, it hasn’t become “white noise” in the 30 odd years we’ve been together, as he tells me he loves me all the time too.

But you grew up differently to me - neither of our childhoods are better or worse than each other’s, just different. If your parents didn’t say it to you then I completely understand why it’s not something you say to your partner. Doesn’t mean you love him any less so you crack on being who you are and don’t give a second thought to anyone who thinks it’s “weird”.

Why do I need to live with him? We both enjoy our own space and our own homes.

We booked a holiday yesterday. I spend time with him socialising, watching TV, going to quizzes, playing sport, having sex.

My parents never told me they loved me but they absolutely did my mum died in January and my dad only felt able to tell her he loved her at the end of her life

He adored her and was her carer for years
I tell my dh and kids I love them all the time
I took sometimes actions can speak louder than words

Who said you need to live with him op?!

Have you spent some consecutive nights together and then days together for a period of time?

Sounds more like FWB to me! But both happy so all good

He doesn’t want children. I don’t think he’s hugely keen on living together. I have no idea if his family would say they love him or not, I’ve never asked.

I'm with you OP! I've been with my partner for over 20 years. Never say I love you. I don't feel the need and it's just not language we would use.