To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

Why would we talk about each other’s finances?

We don’t intend moving anywhere. Retirement won’t be for another 30 years if we’re lucky.

My career plans are mine and his are his. Neither will influence where either of us live, which is the town we live in now.

If married and cohabiting couples in their thirties are spending their days talking about their finances and retirement plans then I’m pleased I’m not one of them. Sounds dull as fuck.

Planning for the future, discussing the emotional motivation for your actions, the living of shared experiences etc

Tempted to ring him and ask for a conversation about the emotional motivation of our actions.

What planning for the future do we need? We plan fantastic holidays and lovely days and nights. We are financially stable and own houses in our own rights. We don’t need to talk about pooling our money to pay for Timothy’s piano lessons or about how we’ll put the kids through university. We don’t need to discuss if we’ve got enough set aside for the extension. We don’t have to worry about if we should move near a good school. What is there to plan for?

Other than continue to be happy and enjoy yourselves and each other.

You’ve said this before and I’ve asked several times why you’ve inventing things?

Again, you’re inventing things. Do you often struggle with comprehension?

Did you also miss the multiple times where I was asked if we sleep together, and I answered yes a million times? And whether we were affectionate and I said yes a million times?

Or are you another run of the mill arsehole who cannot understand that anyone who doesn’t want to do it your way can and do still having great and committed relationships?

No, not at all, I absolutely think you can have a deep and loving relationship without cohabiting, without children (we were together 11 yrs before we had kids and very happy and in love) without mixing finances

What I don't get is the lack of deep knowledge of his wants and plans and vice versa. I could tell you with 99% certainty my husband's feelings and plans on most things long term, not because we live together are married or have children but because we talk about everything, we enjoy sharing each other's thoughts and dreams and plans. That's the bit I don't get. It's the 'ithink, I don't think, as far as I know...' wishy washyness

What am I inventing?

See back when we were DINKs we were the same, each owned our own homes etc, financially independent and no 'little Tommy's piano lessons' 🙄 by the way you're not veiling your decision of those living lives with emotional involvement and children. I definitely dontthink everyone needs kids, cohabitation or marriage but to not have had the conversations, or not deeply at least is how it reads. It's so so odd and so emotionally unaware and your extremely reactionary responses just serve to ud erline that you don't entirely understand what emotions are behind things. So so odd

‘it's not affection, it's not physical it's not emotional, it's not intellectual...’

Complete figment of your imagination.

Ok, so you're sleeping together, you don't seem to talk about anything below the surface or am I wrong? Ad if so can you explain how?

you're not veiling your decision of those living lives with emotional involvement and children.

I have no idea what this means.

I’m reacting because you’re a dickhead who makes things up, especially about my parents.

Learn to read and write.

How much time do you spend together in a week with your partner?

Fucking Hell. Read the thread. I’ve had enough of repeating these three words to you.

Autocorrect error, your derision not your decision.

Why?

What if you did phone him for that conversation? What would be said?

Probably ‘what are you talking about? What is emotional motivation of our actions?’ and I’d agree that I’d have no idea.

Because you're asking if your relationship is odd, yet claiming it's deep and committed and your emotional behaviour and cringing entirely ordinary responses. If you're going on a date once a fortnight and a holiday once every 3 months then yeah it's odd, or not odd but not long term deep and committed

And then would you say 'ah it's this stupid conversation I'm having online about the validity of relationships and it got me thinking, there is proper intent there isn't there? We are planning for this to be long term?' what would he say?

He’d say yes and be confused about why I was asking.

I know that will disappoint you.

But this is neither any of your business nor the point of this thread.

So you haven’t even understood the OP? I did not ask if my relationship was odd. I asked if it was odd that we’d never said or say we love each other. That is it.

Yes. It's odd. It's odd because it speaks to all these other weird preoccupations you have and difficulty accessing and acknowledging even your own emotions without 'cringung'. Your parenting has left you uncomfortable with your emotions to the point you almost can't see why it would be an issue, you can't imagine not having that absence as it's so ingrained. Not saying it is much less odd than lots of the rest of your relationship but it all seems to be mired in the same issue

It's is though because is it odd, the answer is I don't know, noone knows unless they know Why you don't say it or the way the relationship you're not saying it in works.

Also your derision of the silly people with emotio s they talk about and how suffocating it is to share your feelings verbally. I dont think they are the problem

Okay well you struggle to read so forgive me if I don’t take your armchair psychology seriously.

Why you don't say it or the way the relationship you're not saying it in works.

This is incomprehensible.

No, it is not your business.

There you are with making stuff up again.