To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

I think it's unusual to have never told your partner you love them (or vice versa) but personally I don't say it all the time either in relationships. I don't want it to become white noise and for me, it becomes that if it"s said too often.

How long have you been together?

It's fine. I've never liked saying it. I think feeling loved/making someone feel loved is more important.

Five years.

This is exactly what I think. The words can be said by anyone. It’s the actions that count.

Clearly you have made it this far to be together 5 years and I’m presuming you are happy? I think it’s weird to other couples but they aren’t you and your partner.

Why does it have to be one or the other?

My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them,

surely you know that that is certainly not “normal”?

Do you have children yet op?

As long as you are both happy and it works for you, does it really matter?

I think it's nice to hear, but that's just me. Actions matter too.
It's important to let your kids know, but between adults? Up to you.

Live together?
plan to have a family together?
Already have children together?!

So weird. What about in cards? Do you never even write it?

My parents never told us (or each other) that they loved me. I’d really hate to be like that. My husband I say it freely and often. Our kids also.

Very happy!

To be honest I’ve never given it a second thought. I knew I was loved. It was totally normal.

I don’t intend to have kids.

If you did, I suspect you may realise how utterly unfathomable not saying I love you EVER to your child is.

Incomprehensible actually

I write ‘to DP, happy birthday! Love Takinitgottobserd’. Same as I would in anyone else’s.

Your parents sound the same as mine in that they never said it. It didn’t and doesn’t bother me though.

Plan to marry?
life together?

first relationship?

Don’t live together. We won’t be having kids.

If you’re both happy and on the same page of knowing you love each other, it’s fine. I think it’s very unusual for two people in a long term relationship to have never told each other at all, but “weird” is entirely subjective and carries an unnecessarily judgemental tone about something that doesn’t involve anyone else.

ETA: Do you communicate well about other things and emotions, and regularly check in with each other about how you’re feeling? That’s important, to make sure that your relationship doesn’t turn into a status quo of each of you assuming the other is happy with things when you might not be.

Maybe they did when I was a toddler or baby. They definitely did/do love me, there was never any doubt. It was just never said. I’m not sure why it’s unfathomable.

So don’t live together
no plans to have a family together
don’t intend to marry

this is dating. For 5 years.

I doubt you do love him

Would you want to live with him op?

And his family was the same OP? Never say I love you?

If it’s not important to either of you to hear it said it’s not worth worrying about, All that matters is your relationship works for you both.

It’s absolutely essential to say it to kids often IMO but I see you’re not having any so that’s fine too.

I think a lot of boomer dads never told their kids they loved them. Mine didn’t, My mum did though. I hope your parents managed to show love in other ways.

I’m indifferent to either marrying or living together.

We’re both in our late 30s, it’s been a long time since either of our first relationships. We’ve known each other since them though - we were good friends for years.

Disagree with this strongly. There’s more than one way to have a meaningful loving relationship