To never tell partner I love him?

[Takinitgottobserd]

Is it weird? I have never told him I love him, and he's never told me he loves me. I do love him, completely. My parents never told me they loved me growing up, and I never told them, but there was absolutely no doubt that we all did.

I spoke to him yesterday and a friend commented that she always told her DH she loved him every time she said bye, and did I not do the same. I said I’d never said it and nor had my DP, and she found it mind blowing.

Is it that strange?

No, not at all. The idea of romance, emotional chats, etc. knocks me ill. My DP is definitely not romantic either.

But if you know, what difference is there?

My parents were born in the 50s and 60s so it’s definitely not because they were wartime.

My grandmother never said it to my mother either. They used to joke that they’d known my grandmother was on her death bed if she ever told them she loved them.

DH and I tell each other every time we say goodbye, before bed etc and also whenever we feel it. We must say it at least 10 times a day, but I grew up in a family where we say love you all the time so it just feels normal to me. I don’t believe in true love or soul mates though, I just think we’re very compatible people.

You weren’t just curious. You were stating that I didn’t love my partner a few pages back.

I think it’s unusual to not tell your partner you love them especially when being intimate.
However I do cringe when I here people say it all the time.
like OP I grew up in a loving family but we didn’t say it all the time.
I’m of the opinion that it’s a more of a trend these days but wasn’t in previous generations.
However I’m not convinced it’s always genuine between friends etc.

I tell mine everyday

I also tell my Daughter every day.

I was brought up by an abusive parent, who only told me she loved me when she got me so distressed and upset I was throwing up.

My Mum was never told be her Mum, with this sort of behaviour running through the generations.

I have chosen to break the inter-generational trauma and abuse.

For my Daughter, saying “I love you” to someone, or having someone say it to her won’t be odd, awkward, difficult or anything else.

And I said

I was wrong and unfair

It’s very strange to me. My family also says it every time we say goodbye. I say it to my DH at least 10 times a day, in random moments when he does or says something funny or charming or endearing or wonderful. Whenever I feel it most, basically, it comes out of my mouth, in addition to other compliments. I cannot hold it in, even if I wanted to.

When I met DH, he wasn’t like that. His father never said it to him. He’s just come out of a decades long, pretty emotionally abusive marriage, and neither he nor his XW ever said it to one another. He used to only say “ILY” after I said it first, and it made me feel really insecure. We talked about it, why he didn’t express himself if he felt the same way I did, and he made efforts to change. It comes more easily to him now, especially since it’s reciprocated and rewarded with a positive response.

So I don’t think it’s reasonable or unreasonable to not say it; sometimes that’s just how people are. As long as you feel loved and your partner feels loved, that’s all that matters.

Sounds like it works out perfectly for both of you then!

I understand this clearly.
All the mushy romantic stuff deep talks staring into each others eyes etc.
Having to reassure someone daily of your love for them.
Just makes me cringe.

Im not against it and think its lovely for others its just not me.

It certainly feels that way. I’m very happy.

It’s highly unusual, yes. I can’t even imagine it actually.

I agree. I was in a relationship where he’d ask ‘what are you thinking about?’ and I knew I had to pretend and say I was thinking about him when I was thinking about nothing of the sort. I used to hate it.

I think it sounds very normal for you . Especially given its how you have been raised.
We are definitely i love you people. But i think only since we had kids. We both come from families that either didn't say it or only did once in a while.
But we tell our dc all the time and each other.
But it sounds like you have a lovely relationship. And I agree actions definitely show love just as much as saying it . If not more.

Really? Did you get that impression from the person you were dating? I ask DH what he’a thinking about all the time because I want to know what he’s actually thinking about, not with the expectation that the answer will be me

Yes, definitely. He’d go into brooding silence if it wasn’t him. Totally ridiculous and pathetic.

That said, he’s just text me to say he’s bought me two books he thought I’d like. Maybe that is a form of romance.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5345276-to-think-my-friend-should-set-her-standards-higher?
To think my friend should set her standards higher

Edit: Aargh, this was a reply to @ForZanyAquaViewer

The idea of romance, emotional chats, etc. knocks me ill.

I feel the same way.

You don’t need to be sad for someone just because their partner has a different love language.
plenty of people say please and thank you and I love you but act with no graciousness, no gratitude and demonstrating little in the way of love.

it’s the whole picture that matters. Not just one little aspect like saying ‘I love you’

Do you say other things that mean the same? You’re the best, whst would I do without you etc? Then I get it!

I don’t, if I’m honest. I think he’d think I’d taken leave of my senses.

If he were to die tomorrow, how would you feel about never having said the words?

My husband would know by my every day actions