Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants horses

184 replies

Dreamingohorses · 06/06/2025 14:17

I would like some advice. For years my DH has been dreaming of owning a house where he can have horses of his own. He used to ride as a teenager and loved cross country but never had a horse of his own. Since I have known him (20 odd years) he has only however ridden on the odd occasion and tells me it is not the same riding someone else's horse. I have occasionally booked him a riding lesson as a gift but he never wanted to keep them up and said they were a waste of money as he didn't have his own horse and would rather save his money to fund this.

Anyway 5 years ago he announced that in the next 5 years we would be moving to somewhere with land so he could have his own horses. Over the 5 years he has worked hard and saved up enough money (around £400k in ISAs) to fund the extra this would cost and now the 5 years are up he wants to move.

However my concern is that he is seeing the whole horse idea through rose tinted specticles and I will end up being the one doing the day to day grind of sorting them out. In fact when I mentioned to him what a tie they are he said not to worry as there 'are always local people in the village happy to help out for free riding'. I said to him he should try helping out at a local stables or doing a horse share to see what it is like first but he would not even contemplate the idea.

I am wondering whether I should just let him go for it or not (he clearly needs to get it out of his system) but it could potentially be a very costly mistake as we would loose all the ISA tax advantages plus we are looking at over £100k in stamp duty.

AIBU in putting my foot down and blocking this move?

OP posts:
XelaM · 14/06/2025 11:03

Ouzz · 14/06/2025 10:59

I feel desperately sorry for this man. He obviously works hard to support his family and achieve a dream he has held for years. Life can’t be all work. I hope in a few years time he doesn’t look back on this decision and regret it.

Show quote history

I do agree with this, but in his shoes I would throw money at it and get paid help. It's not realistic to work full time out of the house and run a yard on your own. He needs to employ paid help (experienced horse people) if he wants to go ahead with this.

SamDeanCas · 14/06/2025 11:03

@Dreamingohorses I asked Chat GPT to produce an overview of a typical day of a horse owner including all the land management tasks and costs involved. I think the time involved did come as a bit of a shock to him, he does seem OK on the horse care aspects as did quite a bit of this when younger but did not have a clue about the associated land management. He has decided to focus on his business for a while longer.
The idea is not entirely off the table but he has realised at least for now he doesn't have the time. I did have a look at livery options for him but unfortately they are all 20 min drive and he is not keen

I think the fact he’s not keen to travel 20 mins down the road twice a day proves he’s not really up for the commitment. We live 20 mins away from our livery, and don’t think twice about the travelling aspect, as that’s a fraction of the time we put into owning a horse.

diddl · 14/06/2025 11:11

I feel desperately sorry for this man. He obviously works hard to support his family and achieve a dream he has held for years. Life can’t be all work. I hope in a few years time he doesn’t look back on this decision and regret it.

He doesn't seem to be being realistic though.

No clue of land management, was surprised at how time consuming it is and won't drive 20mins to a livery?

WithManyTot · 14/06/2025 12:01

Anotherparkingthread · 07/06/2025 17:09

I am the person you quoted.

I owned a couple of farms and had multiple horses on them. I only returned to the city when my old mare was put down and I decided I was done with the countryside for a while. I honestly didn't find anything to stress about, I enjoyed all of it. They fit in with my lifestyle, they were honestly not as expensive or inconvenient as people claim, I suppose them being a few metres from my house helped. I am not minimising I simply don't think it's that big of a deal. He can also clearly afford to outsource if needs be, hired help, pay people for repairs to fencing etc, holiday cover.

I'm the sort of person who is used to doing a lot though and not really phased by the outdoors. I also have multiple boats and and tend to do a most of the work myself, and don't find that particularly taxing either, but the way people talk you wonder why anybody owns one.

I think a lot of these type of posts become a race to the bottom, for who can suck the most joy out of the situation or think of the most outrageous hoop that DH must first be jumped through before he has earned a pony. It's insulting and infantilising. He's not a 15 year old expecting mum to pay for it. He's a grown man with 400k saved up who can make his own decisions.

If op posted that she wanted the horse, had told her husband, had waited 5 years while she saved that mount of money, but then her husband was acting as a roadblock, didn't want to move, didn't want to accommodate her dream. She would rightfully be told to leave him and pursue what she wants from life. She would be told he was massively unreasonable and controlling towards her. That life is too short not to do the things you want.

Show quote history

This....saved me writing the same

We have horses on our own land, it was DP's dream, it still is. It takes 5 mins a day to look after them and costs almost nothing to keep them How could I ever look dp on the eye if I "put my foot down"

Don't just "allow" him, embrace it and help him... One day you may want him to help achieve your dream

IfIDid · 14/06/2025 12:08

diddl · 14/06/2025 11:11

I feel desperately sorry for this man. He obviously works hard to support his family and achieve a dream he has held for years. Life can’t be all work. I hope in a few years time he doesn’t look back on this decision and regret it.

He doesn't seem to be being realistic though.

No clue of land management, was surprised at how time consuming it is and won't drive 20mins to a livery?

Exactly. The poor diddums has some completely unrealistic notions of horse ownership, but clearly feels some handy locals and his wife will plug the gaps.

krustykittens · 14/06/2025 12:48

Ouzz · 14/06/2025 10:59

I feel desperately sorry for this man. He obviously works hard to support his family and achieve a dream he has held for years. Life can’t be all work. I hope in a few years time he doesn’t look back on this decision and regret it.

Show quote history

I don't. He comes off as wanting to be seen as Lord of the Manor, rather than just being horse mad and desperate to own one of his own. Animals rarely have happy endings when people's fantasies do not come to fruition.

diddl · 14/06/2025 12:53

clearly feels some handy locals and his wife will plug the gaps.

That's certainly the way it's coming across.

I would have thought in all this time he might at least have tried riding again.

I get that it isn't the same as your own horse, but better than nothing?

Ouzz · 14/06/2025 16:30

diddl · 14/06/2025 12:53

clearly feels some handy locals and his wife will plug the gaps.

That's certainly the way it's coming across.

I would have thought in all this time he might at least have tried riding again.

I get that it isn't the same as your own horse, but better than nothing?

Edited

I started riding at 6 years old. Worked at stables since I was 10. Always rode, even when I was struggling to afford to eat I would find money for riding lessons because I would do anything to get my fix. I’ve worked as a groom at professional yards. 6 years ago I gave up completely until I can afford land of my own and to ride on my own terms because I am so sick of riding schools and livery yard politics and attitudes.

I disagree that riding at a riding school is better than nothing.

XelaM · 14/06/2025 20:24

Ouzz · 14/06/2025 16:30

I started riding at 6 years old. Worked at stables since I was 10. Always rode, even when I was struggling to afford to eat I would find money for riding lessons because I would do anything to get my fix. I’ve worked as a groom at professional yards. 6 years ago I gave up completely until I can afford land of my own and to ride on my own terms because I am so sick of riding schools and livery yard politics and attitudes.

I disagree that riding at a riding school is better than nothing.

Show quote history

As much as I agree with most riding schools and their politics being awful, I would still say it's odd he hasn't in all these years bought a horse of his own and kept it on a livery yard. I'd say that's the start before land ownership, as you learn so much by being around other horsey people who can advise/help you and you own your horse rather it being a riding school horse. We've been at some awful livery yards with some batshit crazy YOs but you do get some nice and helpful horsey people as well.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page