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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

607 replies

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:47

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

OP posts:
FortyElephants · 07/06/2025 19:37

JohnTheRevelator · 07/06/2025 19:30

I would have gone without him.

I would have read the OP's posts in the thread and not made myself look a silly billy

Fitasafiddle1 · 07/06/2025 19:38

You sound much stronger today. Well done op.

You are an awesome mother that prioritises your children before all else, they are very fortunate indeed! And having the best weekend by the sounds of it!

He will bide his time and come crawling back, I hope you willl tell him to go to hell. He will never change. You can’t unsee what you have now seen in him. Enjoy your food and your gorgeous children - onwards and upwards op!

Original poster
Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 19:42

I am feeling much stronger today and that's in part thanks to you lovely lot 🙂

I was caught off guard yesterday and felt like a deer in the headlights as I didn't see our last interaction coming, but after a good sleep and some quality time with my DC I'm starting to see him for the pathetic git that he is.

If he does try to come back he will be told to sling his hook, or I may not bother replying at all.

Somebody asked what he does for a job, he's a regional manager and fancies himself as very important 🙄

OP posts:
Macklemup · 07/06/2025 19:44

Sorry OP for your upset but that is one toxic nasty arsehole.

Not one you would ever be able to depend on or fully respect.
I wouldn't want him near my children.
Well done for saving the day.

Wouldn't surprise me at all that he will be back to you.
Don't go near.
I read a personality disorder.
Be wary.
I bet his wife would have stories to tell.

HaveCreditWillShop · 07/06/2025 19:45

Dealing with the immediate issue- book a cheap hotel/air BnB/ bed and breakfast and go somewhere - forest, coast, 50 miles up the motorway - doesn’t matter but just GO.
secondly, chuck that dead fish back in the sea love. Don’t waste your summer on that deeekheeed.

HaveCreditWillShop · 07/06/2025 19:46

Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 19:42

I am feeling much stronger today and that's in part thanks to you lovely lot 🙂

I was caught off guard yesterday and felt like a deer in the headlights as I didn't see our last interaction coming, but after a good sleep and some quality time with my DC I'm starting to see him for the pathetic git that he is.

If he does try to come back he will be told to sling his hook, or I may not bother replying at all.

Somebody asked what he does for a job, he's a regional manager and fancies himself as very important 🙄

Sorry just read this a what’s he a regional manager of? Spanner HQ? 😆😆😆 Yeah he’s dead weight. Sling it. Clearly the ex wife clocked it as well.

Blablibladirladada · 07/06/2025 19:46

Don’t say nothing.

If they ask…”when someone shows you who they are and what they think of you, believe them”

Good luck op

Hattieandcake · 07/06/2025 19:46

Immature prick! Y

Hattieandcake · 07/06/2025 19:47

You are well rid!

justforthisnow · 07/06/2025 19:56

Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 19:42

I am feeling much stronger today and that's in part thanks to you lovely lot 🙂

I was caught off guard yesterday and felt like a deer in the headlights as I didn't see our last interaction coming, but after a good sleep and some quality time with my DC I'm starting to see him for the pathetic git that he is.

If he does try to come back he will be told to sling his hook, or I may not bother replying at all.

Somebody asked what he does for a job, he's a regional manager and fancies himself as very important 🙄

Genuinely thinking he is David Brent now or some Temu version of him.

DoyalikeDags · 07/06/2025 19:58

What I have gathered from you posts is that he is irresponsible, flaky, selfish, erratic, immature and a gas lighter.

I'm sure you are upset now, but fucking good riddance to him!

TaRaRaBumDeeAy · 07/06/2025 20:01

So he has his kids half the time and then palms them off onto his parents so he has them even less no thank you. Never mind him bailing on the trip that shows his selfishness

Wildefish · 07/06/2025 20:02

FortyElephants · 07/06/2025 19:37

I would have read the OP's posts in the thread and not made myself look a silly billy

Show quote history

While you look like a meanie

Treesinthewind · 07/06/2025 20:10

Urgh my ex was like this and I’m so so relieved that he’s my ex.

Jello64 · 07/06/2025 20:14

not sure why you are cancelling. Wouldn't it be best to go without him?

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/06/2025 20:15

Jello64 · 07/06/2025 20:14

not sure why you are cancelling. Wouldn't it be best to go without him?

When the thread is 20 pages in it makes sense to read OPs updates

emmab16 · 07/06/2025 20:19

Much love to you. Having been a single parent I have been in a relationship like this and it was horrible. So glad you are able to get away and enjoy your weekend with the kids x

ohotoframe · 07/06/2025 20:21

Jello64 · 07/06/2025 20:14

not sure why you are cancelling. Wouldn't it be best to go without him?

She couldn’t go without him as day out was linked to his work. But anyhow that’s a moot point as she’s finished with him.

I never know why posters don’t get themselves up to date on a thread before commenting.

FortyElephants · 07/06/2025 20:26

Wildefish · 07/06/2025 20:02

While you look like a meanie

Show quote history

More than happy to be a meanie to people who come on to a long thread and respond to the opening post only as if the conversation hasn't obviously moved on since then. It might help them not do it again.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 07/06/2025 20:33

So pleased you have had a good day at Alton Towers. The kids will remember that and think what a great day they had. So much better than moping around.

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 07/06/2025 20:42

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

What a weird comment

Original poster
Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 20:49

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

Oh dear, John is that you?

OP posts:
lazyarse123 · 07/06/2025 20:56

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

But he didn't explain the reason why. Op gave him the benefit of the doubt and went to meet him from work where he continued to behave like a twat.
Nobody needs that shit in their life.

PinkyFlamingo · 07/06/2025 21:03

I'm.glad for you OP but I'm also glad some people are acknowledging that even though in the long run you will be miles better off without him, you still need to grieve the end of the relationship, and the fact he wasn't who you thought he was. That will just take time