Page 21 | Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

Tulipsdaisy · 2025-06-05T20:47:58+00:00

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me. Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely. At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit. I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was. He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day' My response to that was: *"Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"* He read that and didn't reply. He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever. I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us. I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance) I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed. There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children. AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

BlueFlowers5 · 07/06/2025 21:08

All of you go with your holiday. If you give in to sulking you might be dealing with his tantrums going forward.
Have you a friend with child, who would be pleased to be asked?

MathNotMathing · 07/06/2025 21:08

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Beautifulweeds · 07/06/2025 21:16

As others have said, just go still. A break, when you can digest what an arse he's been. Xxx

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/06/2025 21:21

I’m late to the thread but you’ve really impressed me OP. This has all happened so quickly, and you’ve just stood your ground and not put up with any of his shit, and hastily arranged an alternative for your children. You are awesome!!!

Nearly50omg · 07/06/2025 21:25

you’re Lucky you picked this up fairly early on - I stupidly allowed myself to be blindsided and manipulated for many years and married the narcissistic arsehole and had children with him 🙄until I had some counselling And the counsellor picked up the domestic abuse straight away and the drip drip drip of poison had been going on for years from him and I’ve wasted half my life on someone like that. Block this guy on everything and don’t wait to hear from him as you’re leaving the door open by not blocking him surely you can see that?

Painrelief · 07/06/2025 21:45

Keep those boundaries firm girl ! You’re doing the right thing ❤️

SlowestHorse · 07/06/2025 21:45

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

WTF planet are you on?!

MrsPerfect12 · 07/06/2025 21:54

@Tulipsdaisy you've done nothing wrong here. He’s a POS. Well done for seeing your worth. Glad you had a fab day.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/06/2025 21:55

Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 16:58

We're having a fab time! The weather isn't the best but it hasn't spoilt the day. Just sitting waiting for food now. I'm knackered!

Little update. I haven't heard from him but I have text him to end the relationship. There's no point in dragging it on. I said:

I’m done with this relationship, we are over. You created a toxic atmosphere over nothing. I won’t let my children be hurt or messed around by your need to assert control. Do not contact me again.

Read and ignored which is fine by me. Fuck him.

Glad you had a nice time

well done for sending that text

Notright77 · 07/06/2025 21:57

You’re amazing! I’m so glad you did this ❤️

lolalopp · 07/06/2025 22:14

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

Are you on glue?

GabriellaMontez · 07/06/2025 22:14

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

Apparently John's shit in bed too.

Laurmolonlabe · 07/06/2025 22:19

Go without him- your children shouldn't suffer because he has had an argument with his children.
It's incredibly selfish to use taking the trip away as punishment, and seems, I hate to say it incredibly childish. To tell you by text is simple spineless and unacceptable.
You've paid for the dog sitter go and have a great time without him, take the time to have a long hard think about your relationship, and what you want to say to him.
We all have days when we wish we could just go back to bed and pretend the day didn't happen-but he is an adult who made arrangement which affect others, so he doesn't (or shouldn't) have that luxury.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/06/2025 22:32

Laurmolonlabe · 07/06/2025 22:19

Go without him- your children shouldn't suffer because he has had an argument with his children.
It's incredibly selfish to use taking the trip away as punishment, and seems, I hate to say it incredibly childish. To tell you by text is simple spineless and unacceptable.
You've paid for the dog sitter go and have a great time without him, take the time to have a long hard think about your relationship, and what you want to say to him.
We all have days when we wish we could just go back to bed and pretend the day didn't happen-but he is an adult who made arrangement which affect others, so he doesn't (or shouldn't) have that luxury.

Fair enough to not read the whole thread, but at least read the OPs updates. She can’t go without him, it’s something he has access to through his work. She’s already ended the relationship.

stampin · 07/06/2025 22:55

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Make that 5,

Lilyhatesjaz · 07/06/2025 22:57

This has gone way beyond spiritual prayer

Notsuchafattynow · 07/06/2025 23:04

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

There's always one.

ButItWasNotYourFaultButMine · 07/06/2025 23:09

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

Shame the laughing emoji response has been removed...

Original poster

Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 23:13

Home now. Shattered but I've had the opportunity to go over the past week and work out what all of this is about to give myself closure. I've joined the dots and it's riddled with red flags.

So in an earlier post I mentioned he had been a bit moody last weekend because I said he looked like a particular celebrity in a picture. I rolled my eyes and put that down to work stress and having a lot on.

Following on from that -

On Tuesday he made a couple of wise cracks about me having my XDH (my boys father) round the house, dressing it up as banter. He was indeed here on Monday as DS2 was off school with a sickness bug and I had a hospital appointment I needed to go to. I told him all of this in advance. Nothing untoward. He's a good friend and had left shortly after I got back.

On Wednesday he asked if our planned trip was going ahead or whether I'm bombing him out for xDH. He was laughing when he said it and I thought he was just ribbing me / on a wind up. I said ofc we're still coming.

On Wednesday I reminded him that I'm going away next Friday myself, it's a hen weekend and I won't be back until the Sunday evening.

I think he's seething about my xDH helping me out and being around, and the fact I'm going on this hen weekend miles away in a different city and will be drinking.

Fuck. He's a proper control freak isn't he. How has all of that gone over my head.

OP posts:

Laurmolonlabe · 07/06/2025 23:17

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 07/06/2025 22:32

Fair enough to not read the whole thread, but at least read the OPs updates. She can’t go without him, it’s something he has access to through his work. She’s already ended the relationship.

Show quote history

Update came through an hour after I made the comment.

outerspacepotato · 07/06/2025 23:18

SlowestHorse · 07/06/2025 21:45

WTF planet are you on?!

Show quote history

Planet EX

ThisOchreScroller · 07/06/2025 23:27

Laurmolonlabe · 07/06/2025 23:17

Update came through an hour after I made the comment.

Show quote history

No it didn't. Her second post 24 hours ago said he was necessary to go on the trip as it was a work perk.

Branleuse · 07/06/2025 23:37

Add a bit of online stalking to the mix of his charms it seems

CautiousLurker01 · 07/06/2025 23:42

justforthisnow · 07/06/2025 19:56

Genuinely thinking he is David Brent now or some Temu version of him.

Show quote history

Was going to say this. Regional manager and very important LOL

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 08/06/2025 00:03

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

Dear John,
You got dumped, cancelled, tossed to the curb because @Tulipsdaisy has realized that you are an insufferable twat waffle.
You are even more unpleasant than most of us figured out pages ago.
Please go touch grass, find a quarter and call someone who gives a flying fuck what you think.

Signed,
The sane of MN