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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

607 replies

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:47

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

OP posts:
AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 08/06/2025 00:06

Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 20:49

Oh dear, John is that you?

I am certainly assuming it is him or his mummy or grannie/auntie/sister.

@Tulipsdaisy I'm sorry the weather isn't better, but SO happy that you and your DC are having fun!
You are an inspiration to others and love your final text to the twat waffle.

Keep going like the force you are! 👏👏👏

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 08/06/2025 00:11

ButItWasNotYourFaultButMine · 07/06/2025 23:09

Shame the laughing emoji response has been removed...

I would pay to have the laughing emoji back for some of the replies to that dud. The glue reply was especially apt and funny!

MumWifeOther · 08/06/2025 00:36

What am I reading? Take your kids and have a nice time, just you 3. I bet they’d prefer that anyway.

FreyaW · 08/06/2025 02:12

🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏

DreamTheMoors · 08/06/2025 02:29

Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 20:49

Oh dear, John is that you?

More like
Dear John:
Is that you?

thepariscrimefiles · 08/06/2025 05:24

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

Up to your usual woman-hating standards. I'm sure all the deeply inadequate and petulant men we hear about on here will be grateful for your unconditional support.

Omgblueskys · 08/06/2025 05:52

Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 23:13

Home now. Shattered but I've had the opportunity to go over the past week and work out what all of this is about to give myself closure. I've joined the dots and it's riddled with red flags.

So in an earlier post I mentioned he had been a bit moody last weekend because I said he looked like a particular celebrity in a picture. I rolled my eyes and put that down to work stress and having a lot on.

Following on from that -

On Tuesday he made a couple of wise cracks about me having my XDH (my boys father) round the house, dressing it up as banter. He was indeed here on Monday as DS2 was off school with a sickness bug and I had a hospital appointment I needed to go to. I told him all of this in advance. Nothing untoward. He's a good friend and had left shortly after I got back.

On Wednesday he asked if our planned trip was going ahead or whether I'm bombing him out for xDH. He was laughing when he said it and I thought he was just ribbing me / on a wind up. I said ofc we're still coming.

On Wednesday I reminded him that I'm going away next Friday myself, it's a hen weekend and I won't be back until the Sunday evening.

I think he's seething about my xDH helping me out and being around, and the fact I'm going on this hen weekend miles away in a different city and will be drinking.

Fuck. He's a proper control freak isn't he. How has all of that gone over my head.

Wow op just seen your update, miss Marple you are, well what a prick he is, and very insecure isn't he, 1/ your xh supporting his children in time of need, 2/ you have a weekend away with the girls and he carnt control either situations wow op , great bloody work you've done pin pointing this out, be very proud op, 👏
Honestly so proud how you have delt with this tosser, 💐

Fitasafiddle1 · 08/06/2025 05:52

Tulipsdaisy · 07/06/2025 23:13

Home now. Shattered but I've had the opportunity to go over the past week and work out what all of this is about to give myself closure. I've joined the dots and it's riddled with red flags.

So in an earlier post I mentioned he had been a bit moody last weekend because I said he looked like a particular celebrity in a picture. I rolled my eyes and put that down to work stress and having a lot on.

Following on from that -

On Tuesday he made a couple of wise cracks about me having my XDH (my boys father) round the house, dressing it up as banter. He was indeed here on Monday as DS2 was off school with a sickness bug and I had a hospital appointment I needed to go to. I told him all of this in advance. Nothing untoward. He's a good friend and had left shortly after I got back.

On Wednesday he asked if our planned trip was going ahead or whether I'm bombing him out for xDH. He was laughing when he said it and I thought he was just ribbing me / on a wind up. I said ofc we're still coming.

On Wednesday I reminded him that I'm going away next Friday myself, it's a hen weekend and I won't be back until the Sunday evening.

I think he's seething about my xDH helping me out and being around, and the fact I'm going on this hen weekend miles away in a different city and will be drinking.

Fuck. He's a proper control freak isn't he. How has all of that gone over my head.

It sounds like he was busy manufacturing another argument, another reason to be annoyed with you and pull out/pull back. It’s dressed up as jealousy and insecurity, but it sounds like he was going from on topic to the next trying to find reasons why he isn’t happy with you. He is trying to find fault.

Why would he be doing that? Slamming the brakes on the relationship as it’s moving too fast, seeing how far he can control you/how much you will take or he has met someone else and is looking to blame you for it.

He is toxic, dishonest, controlling and extremely unkind/lacking in basic decency. If he isn’t happy he could just say, gently. Ditto if he feels insecure or out of his depth.

Your excellent friendship with your ex matters far more than this latest man, it will build such a strong and loving foundation for your children Thry will grow up feeling safe, loved and cared for.

Omgblueskys · 08/06/2025 05:54

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 08/06/2025 00:03

Dear John,
You got dumped, cancelled, tossed to the curb because @Tulipsdaisy has realized that you are an insufferable twat waffle.
You are even more unpleasant than most of us figured out pages ago.
Please go touch grass, find a quarter and call someone who gives a flying fuck what you think.

Signed,
The sane of MN

😂😂😂😂😂

Skodacool · 08/06/2025 06:49

GiveDogBone · 07/06/2025 20:41

No wonder he cancelled, you seemed more concerned about your dog sitter and the fact that your child doesn’t get a freebie off his work, than the reasons behind him cancelling. Basically, you’re selfishly in a mood because it inconveniences you.

And I don’t know how at all you can comment on whether he was right or wrong to cancel the trip on account of his child’s behaviour, you weren’t witness to anything. And in any case, they’re his kids not yours. Just because you spoil your children doesn’t mean he has to do the same to his.

The MN man-haters are all saying dump him. For once, I agree. You’d be doing him a favour.

You obviously haven’t read OP’s narrative about how he has behaved.

Bournetilly · 08/06/2025 07:00

Definitely better off without him!

Tulipsdaisy · 08/06/2025 08:20

Definitely!

OP posts:
pictoosh · 08/06/2025 08:32

"Fuck. He's a proper control freak isn't he. How has all of that gone over my head."

Because in many cases it's a slow insidious slide into being manipulated and controlled. Death by a thousand paper cuts.
Thing is, these people are genuinely convinced they're in the right and behaving rationally. There is nothing...nothing can do to make them see the light and change accordingly. All you can do is get the fuck out of Dodge. Which you have, so great.

Well done.

Iceboy80 · 08/06/2025 08:35

He said he isnt going, he didn't say you didn't have to go. If his children give him lip then this is the consequence, to bad for you don't stand by his decision.

You're deciding to ruin your children's weekend as you can still go, that's on you!

Loopytiles · 08/06/2025 08:36

RTFT

namechangealerttt · 08/06/2025 08:38

Can we please rephrase, your ex wasn't helping you, he was being a parent to his own sick child

m00rfarm · 08/06/2025 08:49

Iceboy80 · 08/06/2025 08:35

He said he isnt going, he didn't say you didn't have to go. If his children give him lip then this is the consequence, to bad for you don't stand by his decision.

You're deciding to ruin your children's weekend as you can still go, that's on you!

Rtft

Noodles1234 · 08/06/2025 09:04

Go without him! Don’t let your DC miss out because he is being selfish not going.

Personally this is a bit of a red flag for me for cancelling on you and not being there for you. I’d finish it before you get more involved.

Imbusytodaysorry · 08/06/2025 09:24

Iceboy80 · 08/06/2025 08:35

He said he isnt going, he didn't say you didn't have to go. If his children give him lip then this is the consequence, to bad for you don't stand by his decision.

You're deciding to ruin your children's weekend as you can still go, that's on you!

😂🙄

Mothership4two · 08/06/2025 09:24

@MumWifeOther @Noodles1234

OP has been and come home now (and explained everything)

Imbusytodaysorry · 08/06/2025 09:26

@Tulipsdaisy have you herd from him ?

Ixoral · 08/06/2025 09:42

Noodles1234 · 08/06/2025 09:04

Go without him! Don’t let your DC miss out because he is being selfish not going.

Personally this is a bit of a red flag for me for cancelling on you and not being there for you. I’d finish it before you get more involved.

Oh dear 🙄
If only you had read OP’s updates before replying

Helen483 · 08/06/2025 09:45

"Fuck. He's a proper control freak isn't he. How has all of that gone over my head."

Because you're not easy to control.
You ignore (or maybe even don't notice) the small stuff - so you don't feel controlled in little ways, and there's no gradual wearing away of your will.
Then when it comes to something bigger you dig your heels in and say "that's not acceptable"

Don't beat yourself up - be glad that you are like this 🙂

Tulipsdaisy · 08/06/2025 10:08

Imbusytodaysorry · 08/06/2025 09:26

@Tulipsdaisy have you herd from him ?

Nope not a peep 😬

OP posts:
Imbusytodaysorry · 08/06/2025 10:14

Tulipsdaisy · 08/06/2025 10:08

Nope not a peep 😬

It won’t last . It is for the best though .

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