How would you feel if someone told you you are not needed

[Amyrhaf]

How would you feel if your sister-in-law told you outright, “you are not needed here” that my DH “has a mother, has a sister, there is no need for you here at all” my DH and I have been together since I was 18, now 33, 2 DC. I have since blocked her on all SM and keeping a huge distance from her, but really, who would accept being spoken to like that?

Just reply 'he does need me, unless you or your mum are willing to fuck him'.

What a complete weirdo, I have two brothers and their wives are in absolutely no completion with me. They are far more important and needed my brothers than me!

If my SIL said anything like this to me now I’d say;

“Oh SIL, I’m very much needed thank you very much. I’m sure MY family of DH and my X DC would totally disagree with you.

I think the real question is - are you needed around here?

I think it was Susan Sarandon in White Palace who said ‘I give a good blow job, I guess.’ I would have said similar.

Your SIL is projecting. SHE most likely feels she’s not needed.

It's not you, it's them. Try to keep your cool with your SIL, I know it's not easy to do but she sounds like an unhappy person and very strange. No need to spend time with her but try not to let her get in your head. Sorry your in laws are like this.

Won't let me edit my post, meant competition not completion, obviously.

I would stay away. Why don't you just stay away from those people. It's none of their business what you do. Your DH should tell them too. Nothing to do with them how much time he spends with his bereaved friend. !

Bleurgh. People who can't tell the difference between being a mother/sister and a wife are weird and creepy. YANBU

See sounds a right nutter, but if you're feeling petty, you could highlight some of the 'very important' things she cannot do for him but you can.

She sounds very weird and unhappy. I would just back off and spend a lot less time with them, and not get into these kids of conversations with either of them.

My SIL got very cross with DH because he wouldn't invest his money in a house for her to live in. She then told him that she expected him to be 'benevolent' towards her and that he had a duty to his sister as well as his wife.

She's cuckoo.

But she asked the question “why does he need to run to help these people?” So I answered her question, i was not telling her what sort of person her brother is, she asked me, so I answered x

OP she is foul and deranged.

Have a similarly awful SIL. Don’t let her drive a wedge between you and DH. If he can d es l with setting boundaries it would be better as SIL and MIL will have a harder time turning it on you.

So sorry. You and your DH are absolutely doing the right thing in the tragic situation of your friends.

Keep them away from you as much as humanly possible. They are nasty and they won't ever see your side. That's how I handle my stupid in-laws who have zero interest in me or my their own grandchildren/ neices.

Unless you did something bad to anger them ?

Omg! 😧

What has your DH said??

This reminds me of MIL a few years ago absolutely insisting she was DH next of kin as his mother despite the fact we are married. She wouldn’t have it that I was !

I think that she's clearly bonkers and not in the fun way. I think that your husband needs to say something to them though

DH initially bought it up with both of them, told them I was the mother of his children and reminded his mother that I was also the mother of her grandchildren, he does not speak to his sister atm x

I can honestly say i have racked and racked my brains to think what on earth did I do to deserve that, but honestly? Nothing

SIL commented that he was spending far to much time there, trying to make himself out to be a big important man!

So she dislikes her brother as well as you?

What business was it of hers anyway?

Surely it had no impact on her?

My in-laws are spiteful like this I’ve had “you’re not family”, “only DH is invited, not you” and one even outright said “none of us like you”. As well as a million other snidey comments and insults. They are an only blood is family type of family and they hated women coming into the family.
I was only ever kind and welcoming to them, but the nastiness got too much. DH went NC and I got blamed for being “oversensitive and ruining the family”, even though it was his decision.

Stick to your guns. The more you put up with, the more she will dish out.

People with small lives and mean minds often end up behaving like this. Nothing to do except gossip and pick people apart. Often emotionally unintelligent, and frankly, a bit thick.

I encountered one in-law like this but apart from her, I honestly cannot remember the last time I gossiped or gave a shiny shit about anyone's business. On the handful of occasions where a friend or relative has done or said something to upset me, I have either let it slide (if no malice was intended and it's not a pattern) or spoken directly to them and sorted it out. People who fester and start creating scenarios in their head are usually jealous, spiteful and bitter.

Don't let MIL minimise but equally, try not to let it get you too down. It's definitely a 'her' not 'you' problem.

I think this sister still sees her siblings as younger people and and part of the family that once was 25 years ago. The family has grown up, moved out, married and have their own families now - but this sibling is aged and still at home, in the same family.

This is by no means an excuse because it was insensitive and rude what she said - people don't trump others in a family, as everyone is important.
Not being in a relationship she isn't understanding that the dynamics of the relationship between yo and your husband is different to that of him and his mum or him and his sister.

I don't like all this not talking, talking needs to be done and setting her straight that the family has changed over the years and considering youve been part of the family for 13 years she needs to catch up, apologise for such a silly suggestion and make amends

Absolutely no impact on her whatsoever