How would you feel if someone told you you are not needed

[Amyrhaf]

How would you feel if your sister-in-law told you outright, “you are not needed here” that my DH “has a mother, has a sister, there is no need for you here at all” my DH and I have been together since I was 18, now 33, 2 DC. I have since blocked her on all SM and keeping a huge distance from her, but really, who would accept being spoken to like that?

She sounds nuts but you’re allowing her to live in your head rent free. Forget her, she’s irrelevant to your relationship. Of course a wife offers so much a sister or mother can’t. If she isn’t able to see that then honestly it’s her problem, don’t make it yours.

Then I’d say “then don’t slag off dh in front of me because I will always have his back”

I have posted the context x sil doesnt have children? I haven’t over stepped anything please read posts

It isn't SIL's dc. Op's last response explains.

That can't be easy for you, OP. It's their loss.

She sounds batshit. There is no need to let this take up head space and make you crazy too. It seems she's negative about your husband too so it's not personal.

Avoid her wherever possible and keep conversation with her to the absolute minimum when you can't.

I’d think your SIL has serious issues and leave it at that!

When I started replying op’s update wasn’t posted.

Op, has your fil passed away and your sil and mil relying on DH? Because I can’t figure out the dynamics.

Thank you, i really have been letting it get to me, mainly because ive given so much of myself for them as a family, always helping when i can etc, and to realise that she thought that of me all along x

She just sounds a bit unhinged OP.

Let it roll off like water off a ducks back. She’s obviously wrong. What she’s saying is ridiculous.

No FIL is very much alive, i think part of it comes from SIL not having her own little family, and is struggling with her other siblings having their own people, and not her anymore? I dont really know.

Not needed where? Ask to remind you what exactly her purpose is in the universe? As you can't imagine she's 'needed' anywhere with an attitude like that.

The main reason im asking here is because MIL had also been trying to convince me that “I was sensitive” “took it the wrong way” and was “too weak to take it?” I am pretty sure im not wrong in feeling how I am feeling, so I just wanted other peoples thoughts…

I would simply say at any given opportunity, "No, thanks-I know I'm not needed, take care."
Preferably followed by a tinkly little laugh and a demure head tilt.
Wankers!

"Oh, I can think of a few things I do with DH that would be entirely inappropriate for you or his mum to do with him (optional wink)".

But on a more serious note, what does your DH say when his sister is so rude to you? If he doesn't immediately shut her down then you have a bigger problem than a crazy SIL.

OP, where does your husband stand on this ?

I think the person who isn't making it into a competition trumps the person who is.

Unless they are both demanding that you choose them over the other person, in which case you have got yourself into a right bugger's muddle and you should probably fake your own death and start again with non insane people.

My BIL's wife is trying to make him choose between her and his family and we are all just hoping he eventually realises she's a nasty piece of work and gets a divorce.

I'd point out that my husband chose to be with me, he merely got lumbered with those two.

Blocking is best I think. she sounds pretty unkind to my ears

Based on this she sounds horrible.

I’d go way below the belt and ask her if she thinks her brother preferred fucking you or his mum and sister

“MIL had also been trying to convince me that “I was sensitive” “took it the wrong way” and was “too weak to take it?”

I am astonished. If one of my DD’s ever said anything like that to my DIL (I’m absolutely sure they wouldn’t) then I’d be pointing out in no uncertain terms that the wife of my DS and the DM of my DGC was very definitely one of the family. I assume your DH is aware of all this - what’s he had to say? He should be leaping to your defence and having a word with his DSis.

I don't understand the context, but no you are not equal with a daughter and her mother and never will be? You are not family, nothing wrong with that.

The " we don't need you here" is more confusing, need more details.

I think the SIL sounds like a bully. I have some relatives (also mother and daughter) who sound similar. I no longer see them. They managed to fall out with everyone in the family over the years, including their own son/brother. It's a very strange, unhealthy relationship. The daughter is now 56, she never left her childhood home. This woman just ground me down with her snipey little comments over the years and in the end, I'd had enough and stood up to her. Never saw them again and never will.

I don't know what underlies it but my relatives are very socially inept people. They don't go anywhere or do anything except work and be at home, where they bitch about people.