How would you feel if someone told you you are not needed

[Amyrhaf]

How would you feel if your sister-in-law told you outright, “you are not needed here” that my DH “has a mother, has a sister, there is no need for you here at all” my DH and I have been together since I was 18, now 33, 2 DC. I have since blocked her on all SM and keeping a huge distance from her, but really, who would accept being spoken to like that?

Amyrhaf you HAVE to accept it - it WAS said, can not unsay it
Your reaction IS the defining part and your opportunity.
The stage IS now yours, to either show that you are not needed or to show that you ARE needed. The choice IS yours, only you can decide which role that you want to take. Take that role on the best way you CAN.

Thank you, given that all hell has broken loose with them since I have decided to keep our distance, its becoming pretty obvious that I am very much needed 😅

Just laugh at it. Ridiculous and petty.

My SIL out of the blue once told my DH (at another sibling’s wedding) that he had to choose between her and me. Context was that we had both had a falling out with her years before over her behaviour, but things were (I thought) resolved. We’d been married for about 12 years by then and had our son. DH told her well, there’s no decision to make is there and walked away. SIL has since been diagnosed with Schizophrenia so we think this was probably around the time her symptoms started to come out.

Yeah that’s misogyny and sexism making you assume the sister’s behaviour is prompted by her marital status.

I’m not married. I’m not jealous and snippy at people who are. I think it’s a combination of her not having a relationship (ever?) and still living with her parents at 50, never having lived independently. She seems not happy with her choices.

I think if she were single, but had her own life eg open to dating/her own friends/ own interests/ paid her own bills etc I font think she would be quite as entitled, she may still be a horrible person mind, just may not bother us as much 😅

Wow, really?

She has rights to be in part of your dc's lives but not your social media . you can block her

She certainly does not have rights to be in the DCs lives!

Agreed. Nobody has this right at all. You earn your title through actions/behaviours. I have family who are estranged relatives, due to their toxicity being a safeguarding risk around my children.

She is blocked, and what rights does she have? Is there an “aunty” law?

What law school did you go to?

An adult conversation yes, but I would inform your mil that your door is always open for when sil wants to apologise. If she doesn't that's up to her I wouldn't lose any sleep over it. She is the one who was rude to you, you can't fix it, only she can, and if she doesn't then that's that.

This is what my DIL told me & now because of her, my Son has stopped all contact. It's broken my heart!

Your DIL told you that you are not needed? How horrible for you, im sorry she did that, isnt it awful

This post is the perfect example of “context is everything”

all hell has broken loose with them since I have decided to keep our distance

> Or HAS it ?
Were the, all hell broken loose with them ALREADY there, you did NOT notice it BEFORE because you were a part of it - NOW have decided to keep our distance, you are MORE aware of it - NOW lookin in from the OUTSIDE

Just back off and leave them to it. As long they are not interfering with your own relationship with husband and children leave well alone and don't get drawn into what sounds a bizarre situation.

That's outrageous me and my half sister don't get on but we managed to get together for my mum's funeral and probate, just remember you are far better than them good luck take care

''Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.'' That is all.

This is the problem. She's projecting. If you were a 50 year old spinster, still living with your parents, no male/female attention, your brother is the only source of male companionship you have ever been close to outside of your Father - You might also be bitter and jaded.

She's projecting. She's the one who is not needed, nor wanted by her brother, or anyone for that matter (in the ways of courting/marrying etc). She has nothing and you have everything.

I had the same problem, but they were much younger. I put them in their place and then cut them off; as did my husband. It's bonkers how jealous in-laws can be!!

I think you would do well with the saying "Silence is the best response". Nothing wind's them up more when you look too far down on them to be spoken to.

Is she a jealous frustrated spinster, whose life revolves around her brother by any chance?
What does your DH say about it?

Utter tosh. There is no UK law that gives aunts (or uncles) "rights" to be in their nephews' or nieces' lives. Even grandparents don't have an automatic legal right to see their grandchildren if the parents deny them access.

Exactly this. Like you, I'd be very annoyed with SIL for being so rude, but she is clearly a nasty, spiteful, uncompassionate, unempathetic, bitter cow. I mean, what normal person criticises another (particularly their own sibling) for being kind and supportive to bereaved parents? I would continue to keep your distance from her if only for your DCs' sakes - she is a malign influence they do not need in their lives, ever.