To ask why people do this?

[PITCHpink]

A friend and I arranged to meet on Saturday morning and she text me last saying “You still up for Saturday?” I said yes definitely bla bla….

She then says “Great, My friend Joanne is coming along too, you’ve met her and got on with her”

I’m so annoyed as it feels like she’s waited until I’ve confirmed and committed again and then springs this upon me. Joanne is nice but it changes the dynamics completely as I’ve only met her twice and don’t feel comfortable discussing personal stuff with someone I don’t know.

I can’t say ‘no don’t bring her’ or that I’m not coming now, because I’ll be the bad guy and the unsociable one. She’s done this in the past too and I find it so annoying. I’ve got other stuff to do, but I put that on the back burner to see her at a time that suits her and not me at all. She knows I’m not keen on her randomly inviting other people as last time she done it I said I’ll meet her a different time. I don’t think she was too impressed.

Why do people do this!? I wouldn’t dream of bringing one of my friends along randomly… so annoying

"I can’t say ‘no don’t bring her’ "

Yes, you can actually. Just explain that you want to talk about personal things.

I wouldn't! That's my slot!
She can see Joanne another time. She tells Joanne there was a misunderstanding and she'll see her on x day instead.

I wonder if your friend is scared/annoyed with you and doesn’t want to meet you one on one. I’ve done this with boyfriends who annoyed me and I don’t want to be alone with so I invite anyone else to join us. Might be worth thinking about. Just looking at it from the other angle, maybe she finds you annoying and brings someone else to avoid the intensity of just you two.

Maybe but she asked me what days I was free and if I’d fancy meeting. If I felt like you’re describing I wouldn’t ask said person to meet and if they asked me I’d decline.

😂 Made me laugh

Have you contacted her @PITCHpink ?

She knows I’m not keen on her randomly inviting other people as last time she done it I said I’ll meet her a different time. I don’t think she was too impressed.

She knows you don’t like it but still did it to you. She’s not a friend.

I can’t say ‘no don’t bring her’ or that I’m not coming now, because I’ll be the bad guy and the unsociable one.

Why is it ok for her to ignore your wishes but you can’t ignore hers?

@Gwenhwyfar But then the meet up will be weird / awkward and I’d know she really wanted to see other friend so I’d rather be the one to back out (hoping she realised and cancelled other friend).

Ah ok, it’s worth an ask. I know I’ve avoided spending time alone with people who have for some reason annoyed me lol. But then I’ll forget why they’ve annoyed me and go back to normal by which time they’ve hit it off with the people I’ve dragged along with me. lol. My question/comment wasn’t asked in malice btw, just asking if maybe she’s annoyed with you etc. good luck! I’m hopeless with interpersonal relationships! X

I get it—life’s busy and sometimes people just try to merge plans or assume everyone will get along. And yes, if we both like someone, chances are we’ll like each other too. But it’s still frustrating when the dynamic changes without any real heads-up, especially when you were expecting one-on-one time. It’s not about disliking the other person—it’s about wanting space to talk openly and feeling like your time and preferences weren’t really considered. A bit of notice and choice would go a long way.

It’s ok, I’m like an elephant, if someone annoys me that’s the end 😂 one strike and they’re out 😳

I’m with you op, I hate this.
call off tomorrow with an ailment.

Yes, everything in the UK is worst of the worst. It’s always so much better and shinier in other countries.

I am from another country and this would annoy a lot of people in there too.

Yeah that would annoy me. It should be agreed beforehand. I’d make an excuse and if it happened again, I’d phase the friend out. I’m too old to waste my free time in ways I don’t want to.

I wouldn’t like this and, like you, I’d do it once but wouldn’t want a friend to keep bringing along someone else who isn’t my friend and who I’m not interested in meeting up with. If you’re meeting a close friend for a catch up, having someone else tag asking only works for people who have very light, meaningless conversations which aren’t at all private, or people happy to tell their life story to near strangers.

I would absolutely have that and need to cancel

Oh fgs . Stand up for yourself. You either go and moan to us or you say no. You know what you have to do. Why are there so many weak people in this world.

I just disagree with you that it's rude.

Your friend probably does as well and had no idea that you would think it's rude.

Ergo, crossed wires.

Perhaps you're just not very compatible?

I disagree it’s crossed wires. That’s fair enough you don’t think it’s rude, but you’re in the minority as most people agree it is.

I agree with your last point though

It's not OP's responsibility to provide socialisation for someone who isn't her friend. OP's friend should have arranged to meet Joanne another time.

Has your friend replied to your message saying you're not going OP?

Yes she has, she asked me to meet next week so it’s been re-arranged 🙂

I live in another country and the same issues happen here too.
One friend keeps inviting someone nobody likes to group things. It's not because 'she's not a friend' as someone mentioned above, but because she's weak and can't say no to the other one.

Well if you think it's rude but your friend doesn't, and you think you're just not very compatible, that's literally the definition of crossed wires... you've simply interpreted the situation differently to your friend... but OK.

I also don't think it's rude. It can be great to add an extra person, but not everybody wants that and that's fine too. Obviously, it's more polite to ask first before inviting the other person.