To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

[Gummybearmum]

My parents have started looking after my 1 year old son one day a week so I can work. Both times they've been into mine and my partners bedroom. First time they said my baby crawled into there, so they went to get him out. Second time there was a little pile of clean laundry on our bed, when I came home mum had ironed it. I thanked her, as I know she's only trying to help, but she shouldn't have even known it was there. My partner really doesn't like it, he says it's our personal space. I agree but have no idea how to say to them..

I don't think YABU at all. People on here love to say that because someone gets free childcare the carer can do anything they like in their home! Of course that's not the case. After hearing your back story I'd say it was deliberate & your mum was snooping

If your that worried about privacy why are they in your house doing the babysitting? Why not take the child to their house?

This is about OPs partner, I would absolutely hate my MIL in my bedroom. Of course he is uncomfortable. Even if OP was OK with it, he is still entitled to ask for privacy. Half the people on MN have permanently fallen out with MIL for less from what I can see. I think YANBU and it's ok to tell DM that you and partner want to keep it private. Close the door. Maybe lock it if you feel necessary. Dm should understand, if she doesn't then you have bigger issues with her.

When I went into hospital after DS1 was born (he was born in the ambulance), my aunts took it upon themselves to get keys from my landlord and clean my flat. That would have been fine (apart from the landlord giving them the keys), but somehow they found my stash of vibrators and threw them all out. I was 40, it was none of their business whether I had vibrators or not.

Assuming that your parents haven't done anything similar, I don't see a problem.

You're not being unreasonable. Your parents doing you a favor one day a week doesn't entitle them to go into your personal space in your own home. I saw your responses that they didn't give you privacy under their roof even as an adult so that's going to ring alarm bells when you see they've gone into your bedroom under your own roof. Honestly I'd put a lock on there to stop them being able to go in. If they actually are snooping theyll probably have the nerve to question why your bedroom is suddenly locked up

You seem to be irrationally upset at the fact OP added some more context to her OP. It's really not that big of a deal but you can't seem to let it go.

The real thread in all this is the totally messed up parents invading their teens privacy in the bathroom, calling their teens to bring them stuff whilst they are wallowing naked in the bath and then laughing and totally ignoring their son’s request for privacy.

I suspect it will be the tip of the iceberg of some pretty disturbing other issues

My parents are odd, I'll give you that. But they're not horrible people. They're definitely not dangerous people.

OP your benchmark for you has sole care for your child really should be higher than “they’re not dangerous” and “they’re not horrible”

In any event, I find they’re response of laughing and ignoring their teen son’s plea for privacy as most definitely horrible

Err, I am answering posts directed at me. Read the context.

She has no reason to enter your bedroom in YOUR home id be inclined to invest in some bondage gear and a massive dragon vibrator then leave it on the bed just to make her uncomfortable 🤣 I leave my bedroom door open and have never really worried about anyone going in but just because that's how I feel doesn't mean everyone's the same

My parents look after my children one day at week at our house. When she gets time; she sorts all the washing; irons it and puts it all away and I’m so grateful. I work full time and have three children. Every little bit helps! If you don’t want her in there, just say. Although seems overly precious to me unless you’ve got a draw full of sex toys lol

Personally wouldn't be bothered if either my DM or DMIL went into our bedroom. I've been in both of their bedrooms, even slept in their beds. If it really bothers you or you think something sinister is going on - put a lock on the door!

@lifeonmars100 please don't worry, I really appreciated you disagreeing without being mean, so thank you ❤️

I was staying at dd1's last week babysitting and she had their bedroom door open and had left the bedroom light on. I thought about not turning the light off as I had to go slightly into their room but as neither was going to be back for another 10 hours I did. I did feel a bit like a trespasser! I also turned off the lights i the upstairs bathroom and closed all the kitchen cupboard doors. Some thing never change!

I was going to ask why you don’t want them in your bedroom, but reading your updates I understand it.
op if you fon my feel comfortable telling your parents then I’d leave something embarrassing in your bedroom on purpose, like condoms or a vibrator on your nightstand. Something that will make them realise it’s your private space and embarrass them into not going into your bedroom again. And then just always shut the door.

If i was inviting my parents into my home to do free childcare I wouldn’t be rude enough to raise it. Pay for childcare or accept it happens. Wish I could return to the days when my mum did my ironing!

I thought same, do you leave sex toys all over the floor whsts the big secret!!??

Leave "toys" lying around. That'll stop her going into your room 😂

Not this mum if you read more about the background

Yeah mine would have told me off for spending money on sex toys ..

This mum would have probably asked to borrow

so your parents are looking after your child and cleaning your house / getting housework done and your partner is talking about “personal space”?! do you think a nanny won’t go looking in your rooms?

Thank you everyone for your replies. I should have given context to the background of the situation in the original post.

Does your DP what happened during your childhood re parents invading bathroom privacy and ignoring your brother?