To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

[Gummybearmum]

My parents have started looking after my 1 year old son one day a week so I can work. Both times they've been into mine and my partners bedroom. First time they said my baby crawled into there, so they went to get him out. Second time there was a little pile of clean laundry on our bed, when I came home mum had ironed it. I thanked her, as I know she's only trying to help, but she shouldn't have even known it was there. My partner really doesn't like it, he says it's our personal space. I agree but have no idea how to say to them..

Your gaff your rules. YANBU overall.

But you haven't had a word with DM. How is she to know? YABU until then. You might end up agreeing. Help with ironing?

Would you be grateful for parents who didn't allow a lock on the bathroom door in their family home who would come into the bathroom while their adult children were in the bath and refused to stop even when asked?

OP has provided a lot more context which you haven't bothered to read. Her parents have absolutely no boundaries and have never respected their children's privacy. OP and her siblings couldn't enforce any respect for their privacy in their parents' home, but OP should be allowed to ask for her parents to respect her privacy in her own home. Unfortunately, OP has said that her mum would just cry if she raised it.

You are not being unreasonable, but clearly your Mum feels going in and having a root around is acceptable- mine is the same , but you wouldn't know she'd been there. he ironing is the giveaway really, she knows she shouldn't be in there, but wants to be so she did something "nice" to offset it.
I'm sorry to say you have to meet this head on, and tell her not to go in there, that it is your private space and you are not comfortable with her making herself at home in there.
It's good of your parents to look after your 1yo for one day a week but that doesn't give the the rights they had as parents when you lived at home, since you were allowed no privacy as a teenager makes it especially important you meet this head on. I would feel it was a deal breaker and get a childminder instead if necessary-it will destroy your relationship with your DH if you don't deal with this.

I would just politely tell them you don't want them to come in your bedroom. Simple as that. And you don't have to explain, just say you don't like them to enter your personal space.

That said, if and when I'm at my children's places (a son and a daughter, both with partner and children), and if I happen do to some ironing and folding etc., I walk upstairs and put it right at the entrance of their room or on the top stair. Both have their bedroom in a loft-extension. No snooping, no opening of drawers, just putting down the laundry. They have never told me not too, but they know me well enough to know I would always ask first if I needed to enter their room. They both have young children and yes I do enter their rooms to put away laundry etc. Since I often bathe them and do bedtime it would be unlogical to not enter their rooms to clear away laundry 😊

But what are they going in and out for?

I’d go into mine only if they were in there, or if I’d been given permission. DM has gone into mine before and there were some very private things on the side, as has DF and taken the piss out of my underwear.

Anyone I trust enough to look after my child is welcome to go into whichever room in my house they wish. I think it’s really out of order to be put out by what has happened. And quite unkind and ungrateful to say anything about it.

Jesus, store your dildos, porn and chains away and you'll be fine, I don't think their going to be looking through your nicker draw or sniffing your fellas boxers, do you?

Leave something that they might find uncomfortable on top of your bed. They’ll might think twice before going in again

You have a right to privacy. From the sounds of it she might be slightly snooping while helping. Id suggest setting a trap, either air horn when the door opens, or sex toys, pregnancy tests all over the bed.

otherwise it is free childcare and cleaning service, my MIL does this, typically everything she says i agree with and value her opinion but the odd thing she is WRONG, but i bite my tongue for free childcare and happy wife

I would find it difficult if someone went in my and DP bedroom. Same reasons as OP, invaded in teens and as child. Mum went through drawers, post etc. An assertive calm conversation needed.

Blimey, if my in-laws babysat my child at my house, tidied up and did my ironing, they’d be quite welcome to sniff every pair of knickers I own and rifle my bedside drawer to their heart’s content!

YANBU and I have no clue why people think you are. Your bedroom is a personal space, unconnected to their childminding duties. Those folk saying "if you dont like it, pay for a babysitter" - what a lot of rubbish. Why would anyone ever assume that looking after a child in the house gives you the run of the place. It's not like you've asked her to be your cleaner, so since when does looking after a child entitle you to poke around in private areas of a home. A bedroom is a private personal space. She should stick to areas that are connected to the child and not you. This thread has actually made me really angry.

It depends on whether she ironed creases down your jeans or not.

So providing childcare for grandchild comes with the condition of being able to snoop to the bedroom. Op has already replied that her parents didn’t respect her privacy even in her 20s and used to open her mails.

I babysat for my gd a couple of weeks ago and dm said I'd better be careful! Apparently as dd1 and her dh has 3 echo dots her dh must also have a camera to see what I'm getting up to! I told her she was wrong but I wasn't going to be doing anything dodgy so it wouldn't matter (not that I want to be filmed but not because I was going to snoop or anything).

Yes snooping is not acceptable 💚🌼😢

I get that you are keen to maintain some private space now you have your own place after feeling like you didn’t have any growing up and that’s totally understandable. A lock on your bedroom door might be a sensible way to go - when the kids are older you might want to lock it when you are in there ! Alternatively what about your parents look after the baby at their house- you could suggest it would make it easier for them as they can get on with their own chores/ relax when the baby is asleep . Also this might allow the odd overnight when the time is right . Unfortunately nursery places don’t always fit around work schedules . There’s always a compromise between having family with their own ideas about childcare and paid care where you might have more chance making the rules . Maybe look into nursery places sooner rather than later as they often have a waiting list .

I wouldn't let myself into someone else's bedroom unnecessarily, I do think it's a personal space.

I also wouldn't assume that providing childcare entitles me to bedroom access.

Acknowledging that a lot of people seem to think differently, though, I'd just ask them not to go in, and explain that you and DP don't feel entirely comfortable with it. Shouldn't be a big deal.

(I say "shouldn't", acknowledging that my own mother completely flips her lit if you try and set even the smallest boundary!)

I don't think their going to be looking through your nicker draw or sniffing your fellas boxers, do you?
Based on the OP's posts, the former sounds very likely and the latter entirely possible.

My mum does this. It's really annoying. One time she took all the jumpers and scarves out of my sister's bedroom drawers and washed them.

Absolutely not being unreasonable, it is not your room it is you and your partners room and they must respect his space as well as yours. It is a line badly crossed and needs an assertive word to there boundaries. A lock will only entice awkward questions.
Carolina reaper oil or powder on the door handle might be a good plan lol.

Yes. FFS! You're getting free childcare, your Mum is doing small household chores for you and you're complaining?

If it upsets your partner so much, pay for childcare. Then there's no need for your parents to even BE at your house.

Loving Grandparents oftentimes look after their Grandchildren willingly & freely This lovely Mum didn't request nor expect her own mum to do chores Just because a Grandparent is looking after her Grandchildren-
It doesn't then give them permission or rights, to go into private personal space - Private is private, Grandparents or not

I was a nanny and I tried to avoid going in the parents bedroom, but for things like putting washing on their bed I did. I never snooped, I’m sure your mum means well but if you don’t want her to then leave something embarrassing out haha xxx