To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

[Gummybearmum]

My parents have started looking after my 1 year old son one day a week so I can work. Both times they've been into mine and my partners bedroom. First time they said my baby crawled into there, so they went to get him out. Second time there was a little pile of clean laundry on our bed, when I came home mum had ironed it. I thanked her, as I know she's only trying to help, but she shouldn't have even known it was there. My partner really doesn't like it, he says it's our personal space. I agree but have no idea how to say to them..

Yes Most Surely Completely Concur She's Not Being Unreasonable Whatsoever 💚🥰🌼God Bless You&Yours

So your parents are coming to your house for that one day a week?

It's not unreasonable to prefer that they don't, or your mother doesn't, go into your bedroom unless there's an incredibly good reason; but my guess is that on the magic ironing occasion she was looking to make herself useful, and she did.

Rather than get frazzled about it, tell her in a straightforward way that you'd rather she didn't go into your and your partner's room, or let Small go in there, and you'd like the door kept shut. But if a free ironing service thrown in with the childcare is on offer, I'd grab it with both hands and be suitably grateful x

I dont even go into my 16 year old sons room! I respect his privacy and personal space.

Yes this is so lovely to hear
God Bless You For Being So Respectful To Your Darling Son
Brilliant Way To Be
💚🌼💚

YANBU. It is your and your DP's house and, unless an emergency like a leak, then they should not go in there. Your mother had no right to open post addressed to you and it is infact against the law to open post not belonging to you. I'd put a padlock on and that would send a clear message. I used to help pick up my niece's from school and never went in my sister's room. Your mother has a real problem snooping. I stayed at a relative's house for a few months and she had a padlock on her bedroom door which she used when going out or away for a weekend. A bedroom is a personsl space and dhould be respected. It was plain weird her barging in the bathroom too when you were in the bath as adults.

Or her parents should respect her personal private space.

If mom's a snoop, you have to lock the door or pay for childcare.

Time to put a lock on the door and set some firm boundaries.

Maybe leave a dildo on the bed - she would soon stop!

Surprised at all the answers here. It’s snooping. It shouldn’t be a hazard of free childcare. Just ask them not to go in. Say it’s not always tidy or some other peace making excuse.

Don't knock a gift horse! Nice clean pile of washing, kid taken care of. All good to me 🤷‍♀️

Just tell your Mum you’d rather they don’t go in your bedroom. I’m sure they’ll respect your wishes.
personally, I don’t care if my parents go in our bedroom (I’m 48) as long as they don’t look in drawers/wardrobes etc.

I absolutely do not want my DPs or my PILs going into my room. They have no reason to, it’s on a different floor, and it’s my private space.

The week after next I'll be looking after my gs for a couple of days at dd2's house whilst his parents are out of the country (different countries) for work. I will be using the bath in their ensuite as the other bath is not full size and I don't like showers. I have done so before but after reading this thread I will ask dd2 if it's okay.

This you are bu.

We’re all entitled to personal privacy. Putting a lock on the door as a first option may cause ill-will between you and your parents and jeopardise your child minding arrangements. You really have to bite down on this and speak to one (or both) of them. Your home, your boundaries/rules apply. Difficult, I know. Just be brave and do it. Good luck.

Or simply put a lock on their bedroom door?

I think then you understand what's triggered you, but Yabu for expecting your parents to suddenly learn about privacy in their old age when they didn't know before.

Boundaries - either verbal or physical (lock) but you need to deliver them very politely or they might quit their unpaid labour

My mum never came into the bathroom but did other similar things to yours when I was growing up. I think that’s why it makes you so uncomfortable, because it is continuing to not respect your boundaries. My MiL used to
do this while looking after my child and one day I came back early and found her alone there poking around. I didn’t accept if and I think you gave to say politely but firmly that you prefer it if she doesn’t go into the bedroom.
And just because you get childcare one day a week it doesn’t mean you can’t draw boundaries.

put a lock on the door and then you don’t have to worry. We have a lock on our bedroom door and I wouldn’t be without one now.

Oh my word, they're your parents and you've been into everything at theirs while growing up!

How nice and helpful they've done your laundry, which they did for years for you.

Personally I would so so grateful for having them for childcare and to actually see that need doing to help you, wow!

Please be grateful or stipulate boundaries, because they really don't to want to be intrusive, just doing what comes naturally to them.

Btw I would have loved my parents to have been able to this.

You said one day a week, if to assume you work one day a week, be thankful but if you work more days then nursery can't infringe on your home so, again, count your blessings.

Indeed, how lovely 😍

Put a camera up in the bedroom then you'll see for yourself what she's upto & then put a lock on the door if she makes a habit of it.

Obviously she's known for snooping but I wouldn't want her in my house.

Ummm that's kind of part of a parent's job, doing their kids' laundry! It sounds like what is coming naturally to OP's mum is snooping!

No, she wouldn't. OP has described her childhood with parents with no boundaries who would come into the bathroom when their adult children were in the bath, and refused to stop, despite being asked. They allowed their children no privacy at all so I doubt she would be fazed by a dildo.