To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

[Gummybearmum]

My parents have started looking after my 1 year old son one day a week so I can work. Both times they've been into mine and my partners bedroom. First time they said my baby crawled into there, so they went to get him out. Second time there was a little pile of clean laundry on our bed, when I came home mum had ironed it. I thanked her, as I know she's only trying to help, but she shouldn't have even known it was there. My partner really doesn't like it, he says it's our personal space. I agree but have no idea how to say to them..

Yes he does, he obviously thinks it's very odd, as I understand it is now. When you grow up like it you don't know any different do you. We've therefore been able to chat about what we want for our own children. He also knows my parents well and doesn't think it's come from a bad place, just a misunderstanding of what's normal/right due to their own upbringings.

But the reaction of your parents to your teen brothers plea for privacy (to laugh and ignore him), that was cruel on a basic human level.

does your DP know that?

and he’s still happy to have your parents in sole charge of his baby?

They did then listen to my brother after, as he really put his foot down. They thought he was being over the top, but they didn't do it to him again. Myself and my other brother had moved out by then.
My partner knows the whole story yes. There are so many layers to people, it's hard to get across on here, but my partner knows them well.
We already do some things differently with our own child to how they would have when we were children, which my parents thought odd to start, just a generational thing, but they do listen and follow how we want to parent.

Only when he came back from university op
so took years
disgraceful and cruel

It’s only a room

😆

13 pages and it didn’t occur to you to read a touch more than the OP to see if anything had developed?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Yes, your mum is doing you a favour with the free childcare, which you are clearly aware of, and appreciative of, but that doesn't give her carte blanche to wander around your home, going into rooms she doesn't need to go in. It doesn't matter what is or isn't in your bedroom, it's your private space (and your OH's). Even before I saw your further posts, I didn't think you were being unreasonable btw, but having seen the extra information you added about your parents having no respect for anyone's privacy growing up, that just confirmed it for me.

My parents brought us up to be respectful of each other's space and I continue that with my kids. They're now 16 and 18 and I don't go into their bedrooms without permission. Clean laundry gets left by their bedroom door. They're happy for me to go in when they're home but I always knock as it's their space and I remember, as a teenager, appreciating my space being respected like that.

I've no idea how you approach this with your mum but wish you all the best sorting it out.

i wouldnt like it either

@Eddie77 thank you, thats really good to hear as I so want to get it right for my children.

OP would it make things easier for you if your DH mentioned your bedroom is a private space?

Lockable doorknob.

Thread not going your way, so.... Drip, drip, drippity drip!

@1SillySossij don’t be so stupid. The OP didn’t need to give any backstory to justify why her mum’s behaviour is unacceptable.

If people had bothered to read the OP's threads and updates, there wouldn't be any nasty comments like yours. If you can't say anything nice, SHUT UP!

And for working dad's too!

You are being totally reasonable and I’m sure your husband wants his privacy too. I used to hate it when my in laws would let themselves into our house with the emergency key. We had to change the locks 😂

@WordsFailMeYetAgain thank you, I've not posted on here many times before. Have definitely learnt my lesson 😅

I posted something once a while back and got absolutely roasted. Loads of LTB etc. Got so upset had to get the post taken down. Took no bloody notice of the nasty LTB's and still with my lovely DH, years later.

@WordsFailMeYetAgain glad to hear it! I have no problem with people thinking I am being unreasonable, it's why I came here to ask 😆 it's that people are so mean unnecessarily 😅

Pay a childminder problem solved.

What are you hiding in your bedroom?

Private space? Good grief

There's a very old thread somewhere where snooping in-laws were set up to believe a couple were moving to Australia. You could do similar - leave some made up documents in drawers to see if they provoke questions.

Alternatively, leave a sex toy / condoms / lube on a bedside table (I assume your child is too young to identify them if they were to see them) and close the door. There's then a visual that explains why the door was closed and that this is a private space for you and your partner.

And no, not unreasonable to keep them out of your bedroom whilst they're doing childcare unless that's where you keep your child's nappies / clothes / toys etc.

Mmm my three sons all married. I wouldn’t dream of going in to their bedroom.

Yes I see nothing wrong in just this lovely Mum wishing to set some boundaries re not entering her & her husband's bedroom
It's a private space, though equally her Own Mum does seem so lovely doing the ironing & rest assured if she were snooping she wouldn't have openly made the obvious grand gracious gesture of ironing - Equally there's nothing wrong with trusting her very own Mum with her child but at the same time, drawing a loving boundary around their private bedroom space 💚