Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

I’m exactly the same as you OP! I’m such a rule follower that when I get “told off” I get really upset and feel attacked. I would say though I’m trying to change this. My sister is the opposite to me and doesn’t care what people think at all.
ultimately, the only people that will suffer will be your twins as they can’t go to their gymnastic class anymore. The manager won’t lose a wink of sleep over it.
I think re-book to go to the class and hold your head up high - you asked a fellow mum at the time and she thought it was fine so I wouldn’t worry too much.
I had similar in Covid (ish similar) when I went into Tesco and was told off by a staff member as I’d gone the wrong way down an aisle (the arrows were messed up so wasn’t my fault at all.) he went mad and shouted at me that I was “killing his wife” by not following the rules. Laughable now but I was so upset and mortified! I vowed to never go to tesco again! This lasted like 6 months and was annoying for me cos I like Tesco haha! I ended up moving on about it.
the point of my long boring story is that I feel the same way as you and get so upset when I get “told off” but just think, in the scheme of things, you didn’t do anything majorly wrong and you got 9 months of free soft play so really, it’s a win. You made a mistake and you’re clearly a sensitive person (like me) so just re-book onto the class and just ignore the manager if you see her. If you want to prove something, pay once to go to the soft play. You could also write a complaint and say that you see lots of people who haven’t paid and feel singled out (I wrote a complaint to tesco HO) but to be honest, it does nothing. You got this Op, rebook onto the class tonight!

I see it as the centres fault they could have mentioned it many times before, there should also be signs and a price list etc as you go in, sounds like loads of people are using it for free , I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

I understand why it happened, but you don't KNOW the other mums hadn't paid in advance. One woman mentioned it one time and you knowing they were using a "back gate" went along with it.

They've observed you doing it a while, they politely told you and you saying we'll everyone else does it is a bit CF. And complaining it was £16 for 2 children.. compare that to 10months you didn't pay (approx 40 weeks x £16 = £640 you've avoided paying) that's just your kids if "all the other mums" were doing it imagine the businesses loss!

They weren't discussing anyone else they were discussing you. You don't know they didn't speak to the other mums too either. Or if they were paying on the way out or were doing it less often. I think YABU because you did the wrong thing, suspected it was the wrong thing but instead of checking with a staff member went along with it because it suited you to enjoy a freebie. So you operated a don't ask don't tell approach and enjoyed "free" access and when you got told to stop instead of just apologising, accepting youd had a good run. you tried to accuse everyone else and felt sorry for yourself.

Embarrassment is understandable too but you've had time to reflect and calm down. If the class is good go back and only use soft play when you pay for it.

Did you not realise you had to pay to use the softplay?

Wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it, and right is right, even if no one is doing it.

She said they did the class, she came passed it via a back gate and then they played, had lunch and played more then left.

I'm sorry it's REALLY bugging me that you were picked out the other mums weren't? Are we saying they also haven't been paying but have not been spoken to? Or is that they WERE in fact paying for soft play?

You knew what you were doing was wrong. You thought you were getting away with it. After allowing it for some time you were challenged. Grow up.

Why is everyone jumping on the OP? It’s not a big deal, it’s 5 minutes a week, the other mums were doing it, I would have probably assumed the same especially if it was empty.

🫂My heart really goes out to you 💯
Please stop being so tough on yourself, you've completely took accountability & apologised profusely 🙏God bless You&Your Twin Daughters
Honestly, please forgive yourself
It's going to be ok
Some just have the luck of the devil
Other mums got away with it
You might've come across as being vulnerable because you seem a lovely sensitive gentle soul
Please keep us updated how you're getting on & if you choose to recommence your Darling Daughters Gymnastics lessons? You All Deserve The Utmost Very Best 🙏

This. Hardly crime of the century and the leisure centre would have been making money from the class she was paying for. I can’t give too much of a shit about this and it sounds like the manager was unfairly harsh and picked the OP out for special treatment when it came to the bollocking.

@ForestMum2020some people are jobsworths and some people like kicking you when you’re down and being pious to boot. Sadly you encountered one kind in real life and several of the other kind on this thread.

Also are we all going to pretend like we haven’t at least once tried to avoid paying extortionate prices for our children to have fun?

Because they are all saints and have never made a mistake in their lives obviously.

From what I'm comprehending @ moment, this sweet Mum is the only Mum singled out
The other Mums seem to have gotten away with not paying
Also bearing in mind, she has Twins & from my own personal experience Twins can receive above average amounts of attention so they stood out more 😔

Quite, the adult thing to do would be to say to the gym leaders can you remind everyone soft play is not included, they are welcome to use it for the regular fee.

Singling one parent out is mean, and I would have responded with, oh I thought it was included as the other parents said they did it.

I wouldn't cancel the class. However I accept its tricky to get 2 yr olds past soft play when they know it's there so you'd probably end up having to pay.

Immensely imperative valid point
Especially when this dear Mum was under the impression the soft play is free for members & those already paying for Gymnastics Lessons
Some can be judgemental & self righteous, forgetting to do their own moral inventory 🙏

Brilliant points you make
Really appreciate Compassionate, Understanding, Reasonable Sincere Souls like yourself 💚🌼

Unless you are I'm a position of power eg BJs conservative parties during Covid.
But of course that can be overlooked.

They were paying for a class, they may have been paying for lunch idk? They weren't stopping anyone else using it, they weren't making any extra work/cost for anyone.
They could have been politely reminded its not free, and I'm sorry we do have to charge for soft play.
And I'm all for doing the right thing, sticking to rules, abiding by the law, but it really shouldn't have been a big issue.

Kids wearing skirts to school that don't cover butt cheeks, now that's not against the law but I defo don't approve of that. .

Entitlement much you were stealing!! I doubt they care, you are not eating your slice of Victoria Sponge and lattes there anymore. I love

Extremely excellent profound points
Thank you immensely
Completely Concur With You
Sincere Soul
God Bless You&Yours
💚😇💚

She'll have picked on you because you have twins so she'll have seen you as taking two lots of entry fee. You're also distinctive with twins so if she was double checking with colleagues she might say 'did the mum with twins pay for soft play' while the other mums might be less memorable so uncertain who in there had paid or not. Then it will be a case of it being easier for her to make a show of you, if you're not standing up for yourself, because it indirectly tells the others the same thing too, rather than taking on a big crowd. She sounds unpleasant either way. And £8 for a two year old is ridiculous.

Nasty comments on here.

I’m sure you’ve never made a mistake. Or eaten a slice of cake and coffee in a cafe either? Weird.

Aside from the fact that you (and the other mums) really ought to have paid for the sessions, i don't actually think you're being unreasonable.

You were singled out by the manager - who made you feel humiliated.

My sole grievance would be why on earth did she choose to only reprimand you, whilst turning a blind eye to the other mums doing exactly the same thing?!

Why discriminate because you have two? All mums should have been politely reminded they were obliged to pay.

This alone is something i would take issue with.
Perhaps leave a review to this effect on Trip Advisor, or better still contact the manager and demand the rationale behind her actions.

Needless to say, i don't blame you for not wanting to return. Your lovely sessions with the twins have been completely soured now.

Also a real shame (and sadly not untypical), that the other mums all seemed to have a definite case of 'rhinoceritis' here. Someone could've spoken up - so i'm sure you probably felt unsupported into the bargain.