Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

It would have been better practice to tell you politely/gently after the first or second time, rather than let it build up to being very much the 'norm' making you feel like it must be okay and acceptable, and then being rude once you tried to explain. I'd be wondering why she hadn't said something before. Maybe she genuinely didn't mind, then someone annoyed her or she was having a bad day and got angry.

And doesn't sound as if she has good customer service skills.
Not fair on your children though-can you find somewhere else they'll love equally?

Just don't understand why the mums would say they hadn't paid? If they were trying to get the other mum in trouble, like high school kids saying they'd done X when they hadn't...just sounds immature.
If the place really is singling her out, it's unfair. The nearest I had to that was when I went for swimming lessons at a holiday park, and was told I got free soft play after, but they changed the policy-fine if they'd said, I'd have been happy to pay £1 per week, which it what is was-but when I checked with friends, no one had been told and I was the only one they came up to and demanded payment from.
If they speak rudely and single someone out, I can understand why it would be upsetting, if you genuinely thought it was ok.

If a pub is empty can you just go and help yourself to whatever’s behind the bar?

Because she was rude when she didn't need to be. It's called customer service. There's no reason at all to make someone feel like shit.

20% voted YANBU? WTF? This is as cut-and-dry as it gets, surely?

At my local leisure centre, children who do swimming or gymnastics get a free 30 minutes in the soft play

To be fair, all of those saying take them back to the class haven’t considered how difficult it’s going to be to make 2 kids of their age walk past the soft play they’ve been used to having a quick go on, without getting on it!!
Just saying….

Oh well. You got lots of free soft play, it was good while it lasted. The staff member sounds like an absolute dick and shouldn't really be involved with customers if she can't be nice about it. Just try to forget it and move on. I wouldn't go back, only because the soft play should be included with the gym class. I'm confused anyway, because every toddler gym I've been to looks like soft play anyway. Can you not find a place like that?

Ridiculous comparison. The examples you list mean taking stock and not paying for it. That’s goods that have cost the business money to provide. Nipping into a soft play for ten minutes after a paid for class isn’t really affecting anyone is it except the incredibly petty on MN.

Yes op made a mistake but some of the posters insinuating she’s scum of the earth need to get a grip. And it still doesn’t explain why she was singled out amongst a group of people who are all doing the exact same thing.

They didn’t lose that revenue though as had the OP have known she wouldn’t have paid that for the minimal time they were there. She just wouldn’t have gone after class. There is actually zero loss.

what they have lost now is revenue for the gymnastics class. Hopefully the leisure centre will fill the places but if not it seems they are net down revenue.

So were the other mothers paying? Or was the manager picking one mother as an example to the others? It's unclear. One of the mothers said to OP that no-one minded people going into soft play - so it's all a bit muddy.

From the Leisure Centre's point of view is not just about non payment is also from a health and safety point of view. They need to know exactly how many children are using the soft play area. If a fire broke out for example how are they expected to account for your twins if they are not supposed to be there in the first place? They need to know how many children are in there in case of an emergency should it arise.

The fact that the soft play area is barely used whilst you are there for the trampoline class is not relevant. It is there for people that pay and want to use it. All other details you have provided such as journey time is also not relevant. It is entirely your choice to use facilities further away.

Aw OP I feel you on this, horrific anxiety and being told off do not mix well. Honestly haven’t we all done something a bit cheeky at some point? I’d ignore all the chastising, at least you know now and the manager will probably forget who you even are by next week. If you really can’t face going back then find another class but don’t worry too much, we all make mistakes.

OP you should probably try to expand your social life and these incidents will seem less important. I totally get how you end up overthinking this with how much you have limited yourself and developed some social anxiety. You can improve this but it will take constant effort and putting yourself out of your comfort zone. It’s really worth the effort though!

she’s aware this has been going on for some time.

It sounds to me like she has been told about it by reception but has never actually caught anyone in the act before so it was difficult to enforce, I assume she approached you while in there, or just coming out?

Unless the lack of soft play makes it unfeasible to go there, I'd carry on with the class if the kids enjoy it, deep down you know you've been getting away with using it for free, so you can't blame her for actually saying something.

I've said YABU running a soft play isn't cheap. They have to pay to keep it clean as well as wear and tear. As well as insurance which is expensive. 1 where I live closed because of the running costs & couldn't compete when a soft play chain opened. If 1 of the children gets injured they won't be insured.

I don't think you've actually done much wrong here OP other than trust what the other mums told you and followed their example.

You used the soft play in good faith, believing it was allowed. You've said there was staff on the gate you used. If it wasn't allowed, I would have expected those staff to stop you accessing the facilities without a ticket/stamp/pass etc.

I'd be absolutely mortified to have a) broken the rules without realising and b) been publicly called out.

I'd also have been furious to have been singled out for a public shaming when the other mums are using the soft play facility too without paying. You say they were baffled at why you were bollocked and not them.

Also, for those suggesting you should have known - the gym I used to go to in London had a soft play that was free for anyone with a membership to use. So if I went in for a swim, I could let the kids have a run around the soft play for 15 minutes or so on our way out. And yes, it was definitely free and included 😂

Obviously you should have been paying for the soft play but this was a mistake that you made in good faith. You didn't intend to sneakily use facilities without paying. You don't need to feel ashamed.

I wouldn't want to go back either after being singled out. That's the bit that I'd be the most upset about. That and the public humiliation.

It's only a few weeks and you've got your twins signed up to new classes from September so I don't blame you for cutting your losses. Go and find some lovely other fun things to do for the next six weeks.

My twins are a bit older than yours now, but I remember the toddler days - soft play was a godsend! Try to put this out of your mind.

Ahhh OP I think you sound lovely.

Ignore people taking the opportunity to tell you off a bit more. Sanctimonious twats.

The manager could easily have just come in and said to you 'Listen, I don't want to make a big deal of it but there's actually a charge for the soft play so would you mind paying if you pop in after gymnastics in future please? Don't worry about this one but just for future reference' and then you'd have said 'Oh, yes, of course. Sorry' and she could have smiled and left. There was zero need for her to carry on like some kind of pathetic soft play police officer. No need at all. She's obviously unhappy with her life in some way that she even wanted to do that.

Also, the other mums could easily have said 'Oh we came from gymnastics too' rather than just sit there and let you get told off (really cowardly of them).

I wouldn't go back either. Won't feel nice for you to go back there now and there are plenty of other options for kids classes.

I would be asking why the other mums weren’t being targeted like you? Why is it ok for them to continue not paying but you can’t? If you are expected to be paying then so should they.

Just for another perspective OP...

I spend a lot of time at my leisure centre and see loads of people who knowingly break the well-signposted rules. (Like taking their kids into the adult's rehab pool, going in the spa bit they didn't pay for, etc.etc.)

They get away with it a lot of the time, but occasionally a lifeguard comes over and explains the rules. They'll plead ignorance, then argue for as long as possible, then take as long as they possibly can to get out, and you know what? They come back and do it all again next week. No shame.

I'm not saying you should be like them. But be a little bit like them. No shame!

I voted YABU not for sneaking them into the soft play, but for cancelling their gymnastics & the effect this has had on you.

I mean this with kindness, it's just not a big deal. So you've snuck them in soft play & then you got called out on it? You then paid & just don't do it again. There's nothing earth-shattering or terrible and absolutely no reason why you can't go back!

From your post, I get the sense that you hold yourself to very high standards & this has broken your sense of being a 'rule follower'. You also seem very impacted by the manager speaking to you about it. I can guarantee the manager deals with far far worse & seeing you back and not doing it again is a great resolution.

Hold your head high, take your girls gymnastics & - in the kindest way possible - loosen up! So you broke some rules, you can put it right now (and hey, you just got 9 months free! Seems like a win to me). X

Some people are giving you short shrift here. I've been to several classes with a similar set up where entry has been allowed. How were you to know.? I'd say, try to keep going challenge yourself. If the kids enjoy our, I imagine finding good, easy activities for twins Isn't easy. So I'd go back and possibly send another apology letter to the manager asking them to please address things a little quicker next time! You can do this.

Singling you out was unpleasant.
Thats a lot of driving for a 40 minute class.
Have a look at ones closer to home that may suit you better.
I wouldn't give it another thought OP.

Sounds like you made an innocent mistake OP. If I had been told by class mums that something was OK, I don't think it would have occurred to be to go and doublecheck especially as the teacher was also aware. The manager has obviously got a bee in her bonnet about it and you stand out with twins. It would probably been more professional of her to have spoken to the gym teacher first rather than embarrassing you. I would be tempted to let the teacher know why you have cancelled, but, as you aren't going back there, I guess there isn't much point (I still would though!).

Our leisure centre has a free soft play area, but they rubber band children so only a certain number are in at any one time - the children ask for them at Reception. If it's busy there is a time limit and they hoick out anyone without a band or who have been in too long.

Being totally honest, I would have done the same as you and made the assumption that the other mothers were right - especially as you hadn’t been challenged about it for so many months. If they’d said earlier on, I feel like it would have been easier to take, perhaps?

Also, every baby class I’ve attended, based in a soft play, includes access to the soft play after class - it’s not as radical an assumption to make that accessing the soft play was ok as some posters are making out. Just chalk it up to experience and check in future. In the meantime, hopefully the weather is nice on your days off and you can make the most of some outdoor activities, if you really don’t want to go back.