Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

Good faith!?! She knowingly used a soft play for free that she should have been paying for for months!!

The fact that they sneak in the back gate and don't go through the main entrance, she raised it with the other mums and they said "it's fine no ones said anything" both point to the fact she bloody well knew she shouldn't have been taking her kids in there without paying. She's been sneaking them in the back thinking it's ok because everyone else does it. Well it's not OK and she's been caught and told off. Rightly so.

I can't believe all the people here saying poor OP it's not your fault/how were you to know? It's obvious she knew from the OP!

Yes I am sure the ladies boss will reprimand her for quite rightly pointing out that OP was using the paid for facilities without well actually paying for them, and has been doing so for a number of months. As to why the lady went on about it, well it sounds like OP wasn’t particularly apologetic about what she had done. She should have asked the first week if they could do some sort of deal to use the soft play for a few minutes, rather than act as if she is a gormless teen stealing from a shop coz her mates did and didn’t get nicked.

Look we all go outside the boundaries occasionally. We are staying in apartments at a posh hotel and the hotel pool is a lot nicer than our apartment one, so despite our towels not being the correct colour here we are as the place isn’t full and we have taken a less popular spot at the back. If one of the staff came over and asked us to move, I would hang my head in shame and do it - DH would probably argue the odds and have to be forcibly evicted, but that’s a different story.

OP was chancing her luck and to be stressed and anxious about being pulled up on it is a bit ridiculous tbh.

But you are aware it’s not free, just because it’s only a total of 10 minutes doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t have to pay for using the service. You have taken the piss for 9 months and they finally hold you accountable and you are coming here wanting people to side with you? You should be embarrassed. You have two in a club, you can afford to pay for this, either pay to use it or don’t use it at all. Teach your children ‘no’

Hard disagree.

All the other mums were doing it and told her it was ok.
She pays a membership fee and lots of places include free use of facilities like soft play if you’re a member.
She didn’t sneak in - there were staff there who didn’t challenge her or ask for a ticket.

It was a genuine misunderstanding and I don’t understand why some posters seem so determined to give her a kicking.

We had a very similar situation, also at a gymnastics class! We used to eat tea at the soft play cafe and I'd let them go in the soft play while we waited for food. Then, 1 day after months of this, we were told we should have been paying to use the soft play. We apologised, paid for that time and never ate there again. It was easily £15 food per week. We went to paying nothing.

Maybe you could enact similar revenge?

WTF? Why does asking someone to pay for a service they've been using require revenge? I honestly think MN is a parallel universe sometimes.

Absolutely.
That is one idiotic post.

In what world does "we just go in the back door and no one has said anything" sound like a legit, everything is fine here, nothing suspicious statement?

She also admits she knows it wasn't free but she just kept taking the piss because everything else one.

You seriously can't call this good faith.

Honestly I don't think it's a big deal at all - I'd have paid and said sorry as it was honest mistake and forgotten about it the next day. Get them back signed onto their class for their benefit and move on from this. Maybe you could take it in turns with the other mums to pay for the soft play here and there - assuming they heard the debacle and know you had to pay for this most recent time?

Surely you can see how you’ve been UR, of course if wasn’t free? You had a good free run, it’s over. Still struggling to see how to think telling you you should be paying is wrong?!

Except she wasn't the person who instigated the free use of it. Others told her they did it each week. By the sounds of it, others also use it after swimming.
It would've been better if a notice was posted saying use must be paid for. Why single out OP?

Particularly the fact that she thinks the business will regret losing a customer who's been ripping them off 😄

OP, I believe you have made an ignorant mistake and that’s it.
For whatever reason (& it doesn’t matter really), other mums told you they weren’t paying even if they in fact were - you’ll probably never know. Also if they weren’t paying either you’ll never know why you were singled out by the manager, but the manager wasn’t in the wrong to pull you up and make you pay for a paid-for facility.
it also doesn’t matter if you’ve cancelled this particular activity with your twins as I have found there will be many different activities you go along to then stop going to as children grow and interests change, There must be others you can go to elsewhere.

“They started it, Miss”.

Is that really all you’ve got?

ZeldaFighter · Yesterday 18:13
We had a very similar situation, also at a gymnastics class! We used to eat tea at the soft play cafe and I'd let them go in the soft play while we waited for food. Then, 1 day after months of this, we were told we should have been paying to use the soft play. We apologised, paid for that time and never ate there again. It was easily £15 food per week. We went to paying nothing.
Maybe you could enact similar revenge?

@ZeldaFighter oooh your “revenge” was to sit there presumably a bit peckish and gagging for a coffee.

and your logic is…. Because I was good enough to pay for food, I should therefore be entitled to something else for free

honestly, when I read posts - your kids will see there mum sitting their in an arse, refusing to buy food like before and when asked “why”, because the damn manager wanted me to pay for you to play in soft play even though it’s not free, and then those kids will grow up and also be scammers and seek revenge on anyone who uncovers the scam!

It's not the "back door". As per the OP's description, there are two entry points into soft play - one by reception and one round the other side. I think her original choice of words of "back gate" has made it sound like she's sneaking in surreptitiously but that's not the case.

She clarified it in a later post:

"To confirm: the back gate wasn’t “sneaky”, it’s very out in the open with lots of staff around, including the two women taking the gym class who could physically see us each week walking in there. Ironically, they sometimes move the classes around and we have to physically walk through soft play to get to gym. And the front gate isn’t ticketed, it’s just the gate closest to reception."

The staff KNEW she was using the soft play. They were watching her walk in.

As I said, at the gym I used to go to, soft play was included in my membership fee. The OP was paying a membership fee, she was told by other mums that it was fine, and the actual staff were watching her walk in - it's not unreasonable to believe that she thought it was perfectly fine, especially as the soft play was extremely quiet at that time so it would have been very obvious.

I think taking all of that into account and OP's current mortification, it's entirely reasonable to believe that it was just a genuine misunderstanding.

I'm not going to rip into someone for making an understandable mistake.

Leisure centre staff do not know or care who the instigators are - why on earth should they ? All they see is the same group of people taking the mickey each week. OP stands out as she has two DC to everyone else’s one.

A polite sign might be helpful to remind people to purchase a ticket before using the facilities, but honestly it shouldn’t be needed.

C’mon OP. There’s no need to cancel everything and run away just because you’re feeling a bit embarrassed at being singled out. 🤷🏻‍♀️

The manager was simply doing their job and as you say yourself, because you had twins, you were more visible to them. They didn’t shout ‘burn the witch’ and start doing a voodoo style dance around you, did they?

It might do you good to show the other mums that you’re a confident cookie and carry on attending the gym for a couple of weeks.

When you’ve got young children, it’s important to learn to advocate for yourself when necessary and also to shrug off all the pointless inconsequential stuff and let it wash right over you.

Aye right, genuine misunderstanding was it.

Look nobody here comes off in glory, centre could have spoken to the instructor and got her to relay the news or negotiated a rate which included some time in the soft play which she could then pass on cost wise to her customers.

Instead I imagine they got annoyed at the middle class mums going for their sneaky freebie and decided to make an example of one of them.

The staff are likely on minimum wage, it’s no skin off their nose if OP and her pals don’t come back.

But to imagine OP had zero idea that perhaps she should have been paying for the soft play or at least enquiring about it, somewhat stretches the bounds of plausibility.

Not at all, I had my coffee as usual while the kids did their gymnastics class, then we packed up and went home. Didn't stay, didn't sit, didn't eat, didn't pay. I always thought it was a win-win - the soft play had entertained kids while they made food, we paid and ate. It was late in the day so soft play usually empty.

I don't like scammers either but in this case, I thought we were all benefiting. They thought differently, I stopped doing it, they didn't get money for our tea anymore. Their loss.

Yes, I think of it as revenge for stopping me doing something my family was enjoying

It would've been better if a notice was posted saying use must be paid for. Why single out OP?

Of course they shouldn't put up a notice saying you need to pay! It's painfully obvious and patronising. Should supermarkets put up signs saying, "Please pay for our goods, they're not free"?

So previously neither you nor would kids actually wanted anything to eat, but you bought £15 worth anyway?

I don't like scammers either but in this case, I thought we were all benefiting

Of course they weren't benefiting. You were using their services without paying.

They thought differently, I stopped doing it, they didn't get money for our tea anymore. Their loss.

It's not their loss, you were ripping them off.

Yes, I think of it as revenge for stopping me doing something my family was enjoying

Okay, I was believing you up to this point. You're clearly trolling. I feel a bit stupid for falling for it, actually!

They didn’t stop you doing something your family were enjoying; they asked you to pay for it.
How does your mind work??

Some people are never prepared to acknowledge they are doing or have done something wrong. Some people will always twist the situation in their mind or in discussion, so somehow they are the victim and anyone who callled them out on their actions is either a bully or unreasonable or a jobsworth or narrow minded.

It’s essentially the definition of a CF, and from the comments on this thread, there are lots of people who fit this mindset.

As others say, it’s one thing to chance your arm. It’s entirely another, when you get caught to try to justify your actions and declare the person who called you out a bully and play the victim.

All this ‘singled out’ and ‘should have spoken to her as soon as spotted’ - maybe, but the fact is the OP didn’t pay £16 a week for 9 months.

Often there are better ways for businesses to handle things….but this doesn’t justify the initial action which CFery. And the fact the business hadn’t spoken up earlier or noticed earlier, or didn’t speak to every single person who might or might not have been doing similar that day, doesn’t mean they were wrong to call OP out on it.

People don’t like being ‘found out’ and don’t like being spoken to publically. But you forfeit any rights to avoid these things when you take the chance and choose to use a service without paying week after week. You simply have to put your hands up.

It’s perfectly possible to walk out of a situation like this with grace. You say ‘sorry’ and you pay…as OP did. And you accept that the person who spoke to you had a fair point. And you move on. That’s it. But when you argue your case (like some posters here) and twist events to make the person who called someone out a bully, or a jobsworth, or someone who is losing their own business money - and suggest they were wrong to call them out,but should have ignored the non-payment indefinitely, you become the kind of unpleasant person with no moral compass who it is very difficult to function in society with - because you’re not actually willing to exist in community and take on your responsibilities, but just want everything given to you. But those people will rarely be able to accept that about themselves. They are like perpetual children who can’t accept responsibility or the fact they do things wrong, or take any kind of consequences.

The fact that staff could clearly see them all using the facilities and said nothing to stop them makes me think it’s a genuine misunderstanding.

I’ve never been in this exact situation, but if I could see that staff knew I was there week after week, I’d assume it was ok too. Especially as it was quiet so there would be no possible way they were missed.

A similar example would be our local swimming pool. You used to pay for an afternoon session that could potentially last 3-4 hours. When they returned after COVID they’d introduced hourly sessions, same price. Different colour bands per hour. When it’s quiet they don’t blow their whistle for people to get out after an hour so everyone stays for longer without paying more. My DC both have significant SEN so don’t last much longer than an hour, sometimes not even that long, but I know others are in there all afternoon. Strictly, they should get out and pay more every hour but the staff aren’t asking them to get out because the pool is quiet, so they stay. That’s the same principle - the staff know that people have overstayed and are getting more time for free but don’t enforce the rules because it’s so quiet. I would have assumed similar was happening with the leisure centre soft play, especially now when the OP says they’re only in there for 5-10 minutes.

I believe OP when she says she genuinely thought they didn’t mind.

You don’t.

Fair enough really 🤷‍♀️

I do agree with you though that no one covered themselves in glory here, and I think the OP would agree with that too.