Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

Looking at the positive, you’ve got away with it for a while and your twins enjoyed it!

Shame you’ve been rumbled. May be most (sensible, relaxed) staff could see it was only the odd 5 mins and let it go. But now someone’s been jobsworthy or the manager saw themselves and is obliged to tow the company line. Their loss if you don’t go back, if you paid for the class.

But if your DDs enjoy the class and you want to go, then go back. Nothing to feel awkward about. You were led to believe it was tolerated, as other parents told you that and no member of staff said anything for ages. The bigger problem is you’ll have to explain to your DDs you now have to pay for the soft play, so they can’t go on it anymore.

Can you add soft play to the twins membership and pay a minimum for both activities? Is there a deal where gym includes ten minutes of solf play?
Inquire anew as to your best deal for what you want.

Give official feedback suggesting how positive it would be to include ten minutes of soft play with XX of gym for an extra fee - a positive idea for future deals.

Thank the gym for allowing you nine months of soft play and continue with gym and soft play as usual, paying for both.

but you have no idea what the situation is, only what the OP saw.

As is the case on every single thread on here, but of course we continue to post.

The other mum basically said “I dunno, no one has shouted at us yet”? That’s hardly a ringing endorsement that they knew it was free to use!

So the manager decided to crack down on people using soft play without paying and chose you to make an example of.
They could have handled it differently. Treating you like a naughty school kid wasn't the best option. They shouldn't have let the free soft play use go on unchallenged in the first place. It was understandable that you assumed it was OK because it wasn't challenged.
They should have put a notice up or sent an email asking people to stop using it or start paying.
Instead the manager chose to be overbearing and it's cost them a customer. Not your fault.

Op you said that you felt socially isolated and have very little face to face interaction because fully remote working

you have also said that of this group of women you’ve been seeing weekly for 9 months, you do not know a single one of their names

would i be correct in thinking you are quite lonely and don't have many friends?

I don't think the staff member did anything wrong. Other then not calling out the other mums who do this too.
They are probably fed up after realising so many do it .

The Op knows none of these mothers names so I can’t believe she can be certain they they, like her, have been dodging this fee for the last 9 months!

Once
9 months ago
One mother said to the Op that she sneaks in every week without paying

and from that one exchange, the OP appears to have extrapolated they ALL do it every week

added to which, the Op says they were all “baffled” that they weren’t called out by the manager. However how the heck do you know they were all baffled OP when you left immediately and don’t have any of the other mother’s contact details to know whether or not they were “baffled”?

My guess would be that you've been singled out for going every single time, for quite a long time. They tolerated parents letting their kids play for a bit on their way out.

It's still very weird to tell you off when 2 other parents were there doing the same thing.

Even though she sounds like a right Rachel Reeves, accept that life is all about paying, paying and more paying.

Get your twins back into Gymnastics class and afterwards take them to the soft play area and pay up. Make a big show of waving the money at her and emphatically stating, 'I'm not voting for you again!'

I would have checked back in sept with reception and said ‘I’m just checking whether soft play is included in the gymnastics price? It’s not clear as I know the other mums aren’t paying for soft play’ … but then I don’t mind a bit of shit stirring 😁 also only if I was SURE the mums hadn’t paid - maybe you misunderstood each other and she actually had paid?

I think YANBU @ForestMum2020

You pay membership, plus for the gymnastics for the children. The other parents did not get told off by her, she singled you out publicly? And has been watching you?

Is be looking into who owns the leisure centre and who her boss is.

She should've taken you to one side privately, explained about the additional charge, and allowed you right of calm response. Or she could've sent a message via the gymnastics club to all parents making them aware of her extra charge.

I'd also be annoyed that the other two mums sat there and didn't stick up for you, a kind of "we all do it, not just her" input because I would've done so

She was rude and it comes across as targeted against you if everyone else has done it, and it sounds like longer than you have.
I'd be reporting the behaviour to her boss

Absolutely agree. She has accepted her faults and probably moved on. Maybe all these MNrs have never ever been dishonest in their lives, seems that way from these responses!!

Sounds like justified shit stirring 😍

OP I get from your post how embarrassed you are and I get that but you have been using the facilities for free so there was always a chance this would happen. How do you know they didn't say something to the other mum? She may have spoken to her before / after she spoke to you.

Don’t overthink it. It’s no big deal, a misunderstanding. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person. It would annoy me too the manager saying she had observed it for a while, she should have pointed it out straight away if that’s the case, maybe she needs to learn to be a bit more assertive as a “manager”. Just try and forget about it and bring the kids back to the class and don’t bother with the soft play. 16 pounds is not cheap as you say, I’d be staying for at least an hour paying that amount.

I think you were singled out because you look most approachable and most likely to not argue back. Or in their head you were getting away with two fees vs just one.

I see a few options.
Keep going and don't use the soft play.
Email and ask if they can offer a reduced rate for the few minutes you use it around paying for lunch. They're better off having some money than no money.
Or don't go and do something better instead.

The lose lose situation is that you go and the other mums continue to use it for free but you don't feel you can.

I understand you feeling embarrassed about being "told off" for doing the wrong thing. And the only defence you can muster being "everyone else was doing it too" but you know that's not good enough, which is why you are going over it in your mind and focusing on being singled out and the manager being giving you a telling off.

It's done now, you didn't need to cancel the membership if you and your children enjoyed the class but it sounds as though you plan to find something more convenient.

If you're ever in a similar situation again, do try and shrug it off - accept you were in the wrong, apologise and say that you will adjust your actions in future.

Is each entry to the soft play 16? That is a very expensive soft play session for a gym. I don't even pay that to the massive soft play place in the city centre!

The gym clearly need a better entry system to this area. Not just to avoid CF, but for safety. They need to know who is in there at any given time. What if a child had an accident in there and they are not technically 'meant' to be in there. For their sakes they need a proper turnstile to each entry.

Did any of the other Mums pause for a lunch break between the ‘five minute’ soft play sessions on the way out though? It does sound like you got quite comfortable

You are being unreasonable to take the kids out of class. Most soft have annual membership ask about that and they get legitimately go every week. It a a lot less than paying full price.

I'm not sure I'd be so proud of the fact that I'd defrauded a business out of £576 of services....OP was clearly being a CF. You don't go to a spin class and then just take a dip in the pool because it's quiet.
OP knew there was a charge for what she was doing. She said she deliberately didn't ask the desk if there was a charge for fear they would tell her there was one!! So if there is a jumper on a rail in a shop with no price on it. You don't just walk out with it because you fear it might have value??!!
It's theft!! Sorry no sympathy. She deserved a bollocking. If she doesn't go back, fine. They deserve more honest customers!!

They were in for maybe 10 minutes total at 5pm - hardly destroying the business! You had to pay for thr hour so we had to go elsewhere as it then became unaffordable. The business lost out from their own petty short-sightedness - they could see what was happening.

You miss my point entirely. I am questioning your idea that ‘revenge’ should be sought on the leisure centre for daring to ask someone to pay for something. Chance your luck, fine; seek revenge when you get caught out doing something wrong, no, that’s petty, vindictive, rather juvenile and mean.