DP going on holiday with friends… AGAIN.

[PissOffHoliday]

Am I being unreasonable?

DP usually goes on a couple of solo trips a year, usually for long weekends, sometimes for a week at a time. These holidays have always been in the UK or Europe. I don’t particularly like it, as we have children, the youngest of which is 1 years old. It means doing all childcare alone, obviously, but also having to make adjustments to my work schedule. I’ve ‘put up with it’, but I think his planned trip for next year is taking the piss.

He and his friends have organised a week in an exotic location - approximately 10 hours away - think of a honeymoon style destination. I think this is totally different to a trip to the UK or Europe, it’s more expensive, further away… and frankly, it’s the type of place I would like to go to with DP or with our children.

He also vetoed a holiday this year as he moaned about the cost and the fact it ‘wouldn’t be fun with the one year old’, despite me wanting to go. He’s offered a European holiday next year with all of us, whilst he plans his solo exotic trip with his mates. I also can’t do the same with my friends as we all have responsibilities and can’t just piss off for a week.

I’m usually a bit grumbly about his breaks away, but not as angry and upset as I feel about this latest one. It just feels like an absolute piss take. AIBU?

It is an absolute piss take.

Tell him you’re also organising a week there with your friends, and see how he reacts.

You don’t need us to tell you that this is quite laughable unreasonable of him Op

however someone like this is going to be a twat about so much, so I’m guessing this is tip of the iceberg of a litany of other issues

why on earth do you put up with this? I wouldnt

He sounds very selfish, acting like a single man and not putting his family first.

That’s absolutely nuts…no way should he be spending money on a solo vacation if his family aren’t getting one too. What exactly do they do on these lads holidays?

Fucking hell

I can’t quite believe he has the cheek to suggest this whilst also saying no family holiday.

Why are you putting up with this?? He's making an absolute fool of you.

You really need to directly address this

I'm guessing it the Maldives which is absolutely not on!

This is not acceptable at all, how would he react if you said you were off to the Maldives with your girlfriends for 10 days and he had to change his work plans and solo parent?

"I also can’t do the same with my friends as we all have responsibilities and can’t just piss off for a week."

Why can't you go away too? I am not saying you are being unreasonable BTW, it sounds like he's taking the piss but I wasn't clear on why you aren't able to take time out on your own as well.

He knows I can’t go off for a week with my friends, they work and have young kids and would rather use their annual leave for their own holidays with their partners and kids.

I am extremely tempted just to book a week away in a similar destination just for myself. I’ll sit on the beach by the sea with a book and cocktail all week.

So you book a holiday and he parents while you're away.
You need to have a serious discussion about this going forward. It's unfair and will generate resentment.

He sees himself as single.

You and the kids have to fend for yourselves if you want holidays or whatever.

Is he using joint money for his holidays?

Are you working?

He said no to a family holiday this year, but is happy to do one next year as the baby will be older… but only to Europe (which I actually agree with in principle, I don’t want to be on a long plane with a 2 year old). It’s the fact he’s swanning off to an exotic location, on the other side of the world.

definitely do this. you seriously should. why the hell not? your life it Your Life, you are not a single parent, he doesn't get to live his life on his own terms while you live yours on his.

You should absolutely do that! It's outrageous that he thinks it's ok to splash out on a lads trip while refusing the rest of the family a holiday, and unreasonable that he assumes he can dump all the family responsibilities on you without consultation. Turn the tables on him and watch him squirm trying to justify why it's ok for him but not for you.

He wants it all ways and you're letting him have it. Put your foot down.

I am extremely tempted just to book a week away in a similar destination just for myself. I’ll sit on the beach by the sea with a book and cocktail all week.

There's no reason why not. You should have equal holidays to him and since he refuses to holiday with his kids, he can parent them while you're abroad.

You're not dependent on him financially are you?

Absolutely book a holiday for yourself. What an absolute pisstake by him.

Anyone know what Miami is like this time of year?

If you don't fancy being totally on your own you could book a small group holiday.
You absolutely deserve a break, too.
I understand not wanting to take kids when they're so young but that should mean you holiday together as a couple (if you're happy to leave DC) or you both have a holiday each. Not he gets to live it up while you get nothing!
The sheer bloody entitlement!

Can be a bit rainy as getting near hurricane season.
Can I interest you in Bali or Vietnam? 😂

@PissOffHoliday I always find it a bit weird that people who haven’t partners and kids go away on holiday by themselves (with friends). Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying it’s wrong and if both are happy with it that’s ok but it doesn’t seem to be your case. I completely get it. Since we had kids my husband has not even contemplated going away with friends - and to be honest none of our friends do it either. And in your specific case he’s sacrificing a holiday away that you would like and offering a European holiday which frankly in my mind is not the same. I would be fuming if my husband even contemplated this! And the excuse of “it’s not fun with a 1 year old” - to me is a lot of bs frankly. We have consistently traveled since our eldest was 5 months old and we have done long haul and short haul and we have always had a great time! You need to tell your husband that his priorities are wrong.

That doesn’t make it ok! You could probably do one this year as well if funds/annual leave weren’t being eaten up by his exotic mates holiday . Or the money/ time could be used on something else that benefits the whole family and which doesn’t require you to do solo childcare while he swans off.

That is going to cost a lot of family money
That would be a no from me
He thinks he's still single
Will he behave as if he's single on a Lads holiday

I also can’t do the same with my friends as we all have responsibilities and can’t just piss off for a week.

OK I love planning imaginary holidays. What do you like? Food, beach or not, hot or not, quiet or adventurous? Let's plan an amazing holiday!