DP going on holiday with friends… AGAIN.

[PissOffHoliday]

Am I being unreasonable?

DP usually goes on a couple of solo trips a year, usually for long weekends, sometimes for a week at a time. These holidays have always been in the UK or Europe. I don’t particularly like it, as we have children, the youngest of which is 1 years old. It means doing all childcare alone, obviously, but also having to make adjustments to my work schedule. I’ve ‘put up with it’, but I think his planned trip for next year is taking the piss.

He and his friends have organised a week in an exotic location - approximately 10 hours away - think of a honeymoon style destination. I think this is totally different to a trip to the UK or Europe, it’s more expensive, further away… and frankly, it’s the type of place I would like to go to with DP or with our children.

He also vetoed a holiday this year as he moaned about the cost and the fact it ‘wouldn’t be fun with the one year old’, despite me wanting to go. He’s offered a European holiday next year with all of us, whilst he plans his solo exotic trip with his mates. I also can’t do the same with my friends as we all have responsibilities and can’t just piss off for a week.

I’m usually a bit grumbly about his breaks away, but not as angry and upset as I feel about this latest one. It just feels like an absolute piss take. AIBU?

The selfish bastard

Well, what’s good for the goose…

Azores might be nice. Sydney. Singapore. A retreat in Portugal?

Have you been in Florida in the summer? The heat is really intense because of really high humidity. I lived in FL for a while and mid to late spring to Oct is brutal.

You really, really don't want to take a chance of going through a hurricane, especially with no experience of them or evacuation.

Agree with this. What a pity he has put you in this position. He shouldn't need to be told how selfish he is.

You can't go on hols as a family but he can go on a long haul trip? Do you see the pics? So, what else are you and the kids going without so this man can have lovely holidays with friends?

If he doesn't want to get to know his dc, there is nothing you can do except make yourself happy.

This is doable from the joint account 😂

I live on this side of the world. June is hot, yes. Technically it's the start of hurricane season but it would be extremely unlikely to have anything early June. The big hurricanes hit a lot later. The realistic risk is it could be an absolute downpour, where it just rains and rains for days (in a way that it doesn't in the UK, it's extremely heavy rain). But even that is unlikely, that's more like September.

Hot, rains heavily for an afternoon, then hot again is what it is like right now. Not bad at all.

"He vetoed a holiday this year""

Did he want children ?

His words & actions are of a single man

He has zero respect for you or the children

You should be able to spend the same amount of family money on a trip for yourself. If none of your friends want to, book a weekend alone in a fancy hotel on the beach.

It will be a week, so it’s like for like.

So what if the op does go out for a holiday on her own and somehow manages to relax… she will still have come back to him and this relationship

In fact, factoring in all the weekends, weeks away and other trips, I’m probably owed about a months holiday.

https://www.loveholidays.com/holidays/crete/analipsi/stella-island-luxury-resort-and-spa-adults-only.html?WT.mc_id=pgo-37664991296-kwd-300475156215&ch=hn&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=702263926&gbraid=0AAAAADy4andjRILsp4iDkEcNRUqTCwKC4&gclid=CjwKCAjw3f_BBhAPEiwAaA3K5FKApjnBK7Sp93XErz6j9F6vjwgoBbvVXsW3uQUdlriKuy3LbndNJhoClHYQAvD_BwE

Swim up hotel room, adults only, spa and wellness in Greece.

You could have a wonderful solo week!!

Save the money
squirrel it away
for when the relationship inevitably breaks down

someone like your partner op… is not going to get less selfish and self absorbed with time

Who are his friends, don’t they have responsibilities? And an exotic island somewhere. You don’t travel 10 hours for a laugh with your mates and a few rounds of golf.
How much is this costing -solely spent on him?

Has he ever cared for the baby and all the children over night op?

even for a day?

Add up all the holidays he’s taken without you and the kids and you book multiple holidays of the same length (so if he’s had three holidays, totalling 21 days away, you get the same).

Then, by the time he’s used up his annual leave looking after the kids while you’re away, he probably won’t have enough leave for the long haul trip anyway 🤷‍♀️

You gotta match his energy op!
Tell him upon his return you will be having yoyr luxury break. Even if you go to a Premier lnn in the next town!

Tell him you’ve been inspired by his approach to holidays, putting himself first above anyone else and you’re going to follow his lead. Ask him how long it takes for him to get annual leave approved as you’ll be booking a holiday soon and obviously he’ll be covering the childcare. Please also record the conversation so we can all watch and chuckle.

Your DP is being selfish if he's been doing this for years whilst knowing you were unhappy about it, leaving you with the children on your own, and never offering for you to have the same. The one thing I agree with him on, though, is that holidays with very young children can be stressful, and leave you regretting the expenditure.

I absolutely would take that solo break for yourself though. Traveling on your own can be brilliant. Even if you feel a bit lonely, it might shift the dynamic in your relationship. A week on his own with the kids might focus his mind on making sure you stick around and feel valued.

As someone who has regularly holidayed without their DH, I find this totally unacceptable.
My DH went to Oz, with the group he volunteers with once, and then complained bitterly when I went to my friend’s Oz wedding. He continued moaning until my return (I went for 9 days). He, eventually, agreed he’d been unfair and he would never go long haul without me again as long as I also agreed to this. So the furthest either of us goes, without the other, are The Canaries!
Marriage is a partnership especially with such young DC. Make your point - tell him you’ve booked a long haul holiday (even if you don’t actually do it) and see his reaction. It will tell you an awful lot about your DH!

Weekend away yes, but even then not instead of a family holiday. Or maybe if he is a Spurs fan, a Champions League away trip, as it may be the last opportunity for many years(!).

Selfish to deny others a holiday which is what the DH is doing.

Do not put up with this...he is living life as a single person whilst enjoying the benefits of marriage. You married a selfish man and he won't change.

Quite apart from the unfairness of it all, did he come and discuss this with you or just present it as a done deal? That would piss me off even more.

Is he selfish in other ways?

So he organised it without confirming with you first that it was OK? Who the f#ck does that in a mature relationship and then has the gall to tell you you can't have a family holiday?!

I took my 2 year old to the Maldives alone for three weeks when I was made redundant OP. So if I were you I'd be planning a little trip for yourselves out of the family money next year and just let him know when you're off.

I'd love to know what they are getting up to on this "holidays" I can only imagine.
For me this would be grounds for divorce I would absolutely not tolerate it.
He is first and foremost a husband and a father not a single man....oh wait!