DP going on holiday with friends… AGAIN.

[PissOffHoliday]

Am I being unreasonable?

DP usually goes on a couple of solo trips a year, usually for long weekends, sometimes for a week at a time. These holidays have always been in the UK or Europe. I don’t particularly like it, as we have children, the youngest of which is 1 years old. It means doing all childcare alone, obviously, but also having to make adjustments to my work schedule. I’ve ‘put up with it’, but I think his planned trip for next year is taking the piss.

He and his friends have organised a week in an exotic location - approximately 10 hours away - think of a honeymoon style destination. I think this is totally different to a trip to the UK or Europe, it’s more expensive, further away… and frankly, it’s the type of place I would like to go to with DP or with our children.

He also vetoed a holiday this year as he moaned about the cost and the fact it ‘wouldn’t be fun with the one year old’, despite me wanting to go. He’s offered a European holiday next year with all of us, whilst he plans his solo exotic trip with his mates. I also can’t do the same with my friends as we all have responsibilities and can’t just piss off for a week.

I’m usually a bit grumbly about his breaks away, but not as angry and upset as I feel about this latest one. It just feels like an absolute piss take. AIBU?

This. I'm sorry OP. He couldn't be painting in any higher letters for you. As is often the case, the subject of the post is a symptom of a bigger thing. It's barely about holidays, it's about his utter disregard for you and your family unit.

@PissOffHoliday yet another special kind of prince!!!! honestly, why the hell do some men bother having family? I think I would be turfing this one back in the pond!!!

Beautiful this time of year and out of hurricane season! Book yourself a week! Alone. With a book. Drink some cocktails.

On another note, YANBU at all. Your partner is also silly to think a holiday will be easier with a two year old, DD was easy abroad at 4 months and 1 year. 2 years was a different story 🤦🏻‍♀️

I would not put up with this, my DH does a camping trip with his friends from school once a year and a Friday-Monday somewhere like Portugal too but never at the cost of our family, if it meant we didn’t get a holiday too, he wouldn’t even consider it.

I also do a long weekend with the girls somewhere too. (Luckily our friendship groups are the same from school and partners/wives/husbands have come in and fitted right in so it’s easier for us to go away without each other as the men help each other out with the kids when we go away and vice versa).

I think you should seriously book yourself a week away, not to send him a message but for you to have some time to yourself to relax and reflect on what it is you want from life.

Please do this

You don't have a DH, you have an immature single flatmate.

I wouldn't put up with this. Book a holiday for yourself and the kids, he's treating you like a single parent so show him you are quite capable of life without him.

@PissOffHoliday are all his mates married with children???

very warm and Busy - but nice - Lovely long beaches - recommend south beach for more life to it - mid beach very quite

Do it!!! Get him to book the days off work now so he can do 100% childcare. See how he likes it.

This !!!

Sorry but I would also be wondering what he's getting up to while he's there with his mates.

What a selfish bell end.

I am all for supporting my partner have his own free time within reason but not at my expense or the my children expense. My partner would never priorities going on an expensive holiday if he couldn't afford to take the family holiday. Generally I wouldn't consider going away more than a weekend with friends and then the needs to be a good reason like a milestone birthday etc

You can engage in a fait accompli independent holiday tit for tat and maybe you should just the once to enjoy it... But... Is that really your ideal relationship? Two people acting as if they're not a partnership and just making a point of their lack of integration, connection and collaboration? I'm going to take a guess and say that isn't really your ideal of a dream relationship.

You deserve a relationship that is a partnership, and the definition of an equal partnership is that you both benefit equally from the upsides and then downsides. Right now that isn't the case.

You also deserve a partner that prioritises your needs and desires and his family's needs over his own.

The solo holiday is what I would do and if he even thinks about suggesting you take any of the kids, especially the 1yo, you send his words right back at him and remind him of all the times he’s been away and you have managed family and home alone.

Where do you want to go OP? Beach, city, countryside? Much opportunities!!

Tell him, “sure go ahead, but don’t come back to this home upon your return, we will be over”. But then I’m a bit dramatic…

Why can't you say no? If my DH tried this on (not that he ever would) I'd say hell no, you aren't giving up your annual leave to swan off on a jolly with your mates, not when there are school holidays to cover for the kids.

Clearly if you've got school aged children parents can't use all their annual leave with their mates, you have to use it with your own DC. A long weekend is one exception, this is not that.

I can’t grasp this sort if wedding where people leave a partner and kids back home alone . Tell him not to go !
Do you at least go alone yourself too ?

Other option? Wherever he's going.... simply tell him "Fine, I'll book for me & the kids to come along. See you in the airport darling!!".

What’s the relationship status of the friends he’s going with?

How is he funding this?

a holiday with a 1 year would be challenging but also so wonderful to show your child the world. You can definitely go away for cheaper than 6k in Europe for 2 adults and a child. Why does it need to be in the school holidays?

For you to say that he would be annoyed at being at home parenting HIS child and having to use annual leave as you have shows he’s truly taking the piss out of you. He’s living the single life and sees you as the default parent.

You need a real conversation about this, it feels as though you just go along with his plans but this really isn’t fair on you or your child.

Multiple in one year solo ????? 😱 why !!

Nope this is a major red flag.

My DH had two stags last year and I'd three hens.

This year he's one stag and I've no hen.

Why doesn't he bring you 🚩🚩🚩🚩

FFS - what a catch he is. What are his good points OP? Why are you putting up with this? Why do you want your child to see how their father is treating you? Zero regards for family - hes not single. Im all for a cheap holiday a few nights a year (i do 3 days 2 nights europe with girlfriends) but this? No.

Absolutely do this. He’s a selfish idiot

Do the same. Even if it’s just to see his reaction. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on. I’m annoyed on your behalf

Do not have another child.

Kindly OP, you are a mug and your child will pay the price of having a selfish waster for a father.
He hasn't an ounce of regard are respect for either of you.

Wake up to that fact before it is too late.
How are finances split?