DP going on holiday with friends… AGAIN.

[PissOffHoliday]

Am I being unreasonable?

DP usually goes on a couple of solo trips a year, usually for long weekends, sometimes for a week at a time. These holidays have always been in the UK or Europe. I don’t particularly like it, as we have children, the youngest of which is 1 years old. It means doing all childcare alone, obviously, but also having to make adjustments to my work schedule. I’ve ‘put up with it’, but I think his planned trip for next year is taking the piss.

He and his friends have organised a week in an exotic location - approximately 10 hours away - think of a honeymoon style destination. I think this is totally different to a trip to the UK or Europe, it’s more expensive, further away… and frankly, it’s the type of place I would like to go to with DP or with our children.

He also vetoed a holiday this year as he moaned about the cost and the fact it ‘wouldn’t be fun with the one year old’, despite me wanting to go. He’s offered a European holiday next year with all of us, whilst he plans his solo exotic trip with his mates. I also can’t do the same with my friends as we all have responsibilities and can’t just piss off for a week.

I’m usually a bit grumbly about his breaks away, but not as angry and upset as I feel about this latest one. It just feels like an absolute piss take. AIBU?

Agree with @housemaus. There are a few issues here. If you are rolling in money as a family, and have bags of vacation time from work, AND you are fairly dividing "fun time" so both have a fair amount without the drudgery of kids and housework then I would have no issue with what he is suggesting. I suspect though that money and time are both the issues here, rather than the location of the holiday.

Sweet Jesus

you think someone this epically selfish and unreasonable would be a stand up parent to a baby and young children?? Bloody. Hell.

I mean the type of Ibiza Benidorm type do where shenanigans are the norm and expected, and blokes act as if single. No I wouldn’t be happy with that. It’s not a matter of trust - he would be expected to act as his mates do, and most would join in so as not to be different.
Holidays as extensions of a hobby or a spa treat are different . Generally we do holiday together, as we like the same things, more or less. The odd day on our own, or weekend with a friend or relative, fine.

Where exactly does the OP say he is a useless dad though? She says nothing about his parenting abilities. Being a useless partner is not the same as being a useless dad.

So yes, I would.

Where's the money coming from?

Well OP must think so 🤷‍♀️ She probably would have mentioned if her boyfriend was incapable of parenting.

Ooh can you give the name of the Swiss health retreat? Sounds amazing!

Do it! Go away by yourself.

But think about it

this isn’t just a bit selfish and unreasonable

This speaks volumes about the character of this person and his attitude and feelings towards his family.

Unbelievably selfish. And he is showing what a shit father he is by saying no family holiday AND making their mother unhappy and stressed

I want to know this too!

Hot and hurricane season has started.

I’m not saying I disagree with you, but sometimes people need a good shock to the system. So unless he is genuinely a danger to the kids then yes, I would leave a dad to look after his own kids for a week. He might then begin to understand what parenting actually involves. And if not, the OP can explore other options.

Indeed.
If she'd posted anything to suggest he is incapable of taking care of his children then that would be a different matter.

Give me a min and I’ll dig out the name

it was sublime
but eye wateringly expensive hence only 3 days!!

I wanted to go away as a family this year, it would have cost approx. £6k for something nice in Europe during school holidays. He said he didn’t want to spend that kind of money with a one year old, it wouldn’t be enjoyable. I wanted to go.

The location is important in my opinion, there’s a big difference between a week in Spain with mates and the Seychelles (that’s not the location, but think along similar lines). It’s the type of destination you go to once in a lifetime, as a honeymoon or similar, I’ve mentioned wanting to go before. It’s also 10 hours away which is a lifetime if anything was to happen and he needed to come back.

My friends don’t want to use family money or annual leave on a holiday without their kids or partner, which is fair enough.

He is being selfish, but you knew that already, OP. Is he selfish in other ways, too?

I don’t mind hot. Hurricanes may be an issue though!

Do it.

I agree

but i wouldn’t risk it with a 1 year old for him to get a “shock to the system” and learn something

older children, yes

I’m shocked at how many selfish men there are around and also how women put up with it. You would be better off as a single mum and he would have to step up and look after then half the time.

Op

in all honesty, would you be able to relax knowing your baby and children are in his care?

He will never learn if you dont leave him with the kids.

I’m sure he’d be fine, probably stressed out and pissed off at having to use his annual leave up, but that’s only the same situation as he’s leaving me in.

Chenot Palace!!!

heaven

So he regularly cares for all the children including the baby on his own overnight?

has he ever?