Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP going on holiday with friends… AGAIN.

176 replies

PissOffHoliday · 04/06/2025 14:50

Am I being unreasonable?

DP usually goes on a couple of solo trips a year, usually for long weekends, sometimes for a week at a time. These holidays have always been in the UK or Europe. I don’t particularly like it, as we have children, the youngest of which is 1 years old. It means doing all childcare alone, obviously, but also having to make adjustments to my work schedule. I’ve ‘put up with it’, but I think his planned trip for next year is taking the piss.

He and his friends have organised a week in an exotic location - approximately 10 hours away - think of a honeymoon style destination. I think this is totally different to a trip to the UK or Europe, it’s more expensive, further away… and frankly, it’s the type of place I would like to go to with DP or with our children.

He also vetoed a holiday this year as he moaned about the cost and the fact it ‘wouldn’t be fun with the one year old’, despite me wanting to go. He’s offered a European holiday next year with all of us, whilst he plans his solo exotic trip with his mates. I also can’t do the same with my friends as we all have responsibilities and can’t just piss off for a week.

I’m usually a bit grumbly about his breaks away, but not as angry and upset as I feel about this latest one. It just feels like an absolute piss take. AIBU?

OP posts:
JaneEyre40 · 04/06/2025 19:12

PissOffHoliday · 04/06/2025 14:50

Am I being unreasonable?

DP usually goes on a couple of solo trips a year, usually for long weekends, sometimes for a week at a time. These holidays have always been in the UK or Europe. I don’t particularly like it, as we have children, the youngest of which is 1 years old. It means doing all childcare alone, obviously, but also having to make adjustments to my work schedule. I’ve ‘put up with it’, but I think his planned trip for next year is taking the piss.

He and his friends have organised a week in an exotic location - approximately 10 hours away - think of a honeymoon style destination. I think this is totally different to a trip to the UK or Europe, it’s more expensive, further away… and frankly, it’s the type of place I would like to go to with DP or with our children.

He also vetoed a holiday this year as he moaned about the cost and the fact it ‘wouldn’t be fun with the one year old’, despite me wanting to go. He’s offered a European holiday next year with all of us, whilst he plans his solo exotic trip with his mates. I also can’t do the same with my friends as we all have responsibilities and can’t just piss off for a week.

I’m usually a bit grumbly about his breaks away, but not as angry and upset as I feel about this latest one. It just feels like an absolute piss take. AIBU?

Why are you not going on a ten day trip by yourself?? I don't get it at all. Does he rule the relationship?

JaneEyre40 · 04/06/2025 19:15

PissOffHoliday · 04/06/2025 16:17

In fact, factoring in all the weekends, weeks away and other trips, I’m probably owed about a months holiday.

Will you do anything about it though? This is the only way he will "get it".

JaneEyre40 · 04/06/2025 19:15

PissOffHoliday · 04/06/2025 16:31

He just presented it as though it was matter of fact it was happening. Didn’t tell me when, how much it costs, just ‘I am going to x place for a week.’

What the actual fuck...

Ellie56 · 04/06/2025 19:37

PissOffHoliday · 04/06/2025 16:31

He just presented it as though it was matter of fact it was happening. Didn’t tell me when, how much it costs, just ‘I am going to x place for a week.’

Well OP its time you presented him with a fait accompli too.

"I am going to X for a week so you will need to book annual leave to look after the kids."

Do come back and tell us what he says!

Gyozas · 04/06/2025 20:08

PissOffHoliday · 04/06/2025 16:31

He just presented it as though it was matter of fact it was happening. Didn’t tell me when, how much it costs, just ‘I am going to x place for a week.’

This is genuinely outrageous when he has children. What a totally selfish cunt.

You can pass that on to him if you like. He’s ridiculous.

beAsensible1 · 04/06/2025 20:09

He’s not wrong about spending 6k on a holiday to Spain with a 1 year old. I spent less than that for 4weeks in Asia.

if you want more equal holiday down time etc that’s fine. If you can’t afford the holidays fine. But equal time of and solo holidays are fine for both adults in a family.

start taking your time off accordingly rather than trying to inhibit his it’s a much more useful strategy and will actually work. Rather than blowing up about a specific destination.

Clickjaw · 05/06/2025 06:36

beAsensible1 · 04/06/2025 20:09

He’s not wrong about spending 6k on a holiday to Spain with a 1 year old. I spent less than that for 4weeks in Asia.

if you want more equal holiday down time etc that’s fine. If you can’t afford the holidays fine. But equal time of and solo holidays are fine for both adults in a family.

start taking your time off accordingly rather than trying to inhibit his it’s a much more useful strategy and will actually work. Rather than blowing up about a specific destination.

He’s not “right” either

we spent more than that with similar aged and it was bloody wonderful

BusyMum47 · 05/06/2025 07:01

PissOffHoliday · 04/06/2025 16:31

He just presented it as though it was matter of fact it was happening. Didn’t tell me when, how much it costs, just ‘I am going to x place for a week.’

He's a selfish wanker. Simple as. You've let him get away with it before so he's really pushing his luck this time. Is he usually this much of a prick?? All of this would be a deal breaker for me.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/06/2025 07:06

So fine for him to go on holiday but not you as a family. Wtf

yes nice to go away for long weekend possibly odd week with friends if lucky and can afford both this and a family holiday

but not long distance and costly trips

and not if family holiday doesn’t happen

tho you also sound jealous /pissed off as you can’t manage to go away as your friends can’t manage to get away - if you had a week off from kids and went with friends wouid you feel different

sideeyes · 05/06/2025 07:09

Wow. And he denied you all a family holiday? As someone else said, I bet there are many other selfish behaviours beyond this. What an awful man to be married to.

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/06/2025 07:10

whoops hit send. So book a week away for just you if you would like a chill

maybe hon doing a week alone he would reliese what you do when he goes away countless times a year

are his friends mainly single or no kids

BlueMum16 · 05/06/2025 07:10

PissOffHoliday · 04/06/2025 16:31

He just presented it as though it was matter of fact it was happening. Didn’t tell me when, how much it costs, just ‘I am going to x place for a week.’

I have no problem with DP going away or where he goes. His choice, his money.

BUT family holiday MUST come first.

With a 1 year it might be difficult but parenting is. You need the time together, doing things, making memories.

Then once family holiday is sorted, then it's trips for the couple, and finally trips form each others - equal time/cost. If you chose not to go that shouldn't mean he doesn't.

Your a partnership, he needs reminding.

itsgettingweird · 05/06/2025 07:11

Why can’t you do the same? What responsibilities do you have your DH doesn’t?

Because if you’re thinking childcare care then it’s no different to him going away.

he goes and you juggle - you go and he juggles.

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 05/06/2025 07:38

Please book a solo holiday.
Just book it, don’t ask and then present it to him in the same way he presented it you.

Ophy83 · 05/06/2025 07:48

I'd only agree to it if (1) you all get a family holiday this year, something simple and child friendly but also quality family time e.g. a bucket-and-spade-beach holiday in Norfolk, Dorset, Northern France or similar, and (2) you get to do your own fancy holiday either alone (yoga retreat on a far flung beach?) or with a friend or 2.

Quack3rs · 05/06/2025 07:53

Say to him “if you want to go away for a week with mates outside of Europe then fine, but you have to give me the equivalent in cash to do with whatever I choose to do” then go book a cruise to the Caribbean. I don’t think Mr Selfish will venture far again 😆

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 05/06/2025 10:56

Well if there is no family holiday this year then on principle you need to go somewhere solo if necessary for 10 days and leave him to juggle as you do.

I get that family holidays with small children are not a relaxing booze fest but he opted to have a family so he should make that his priority and lads weekends secondary.

MascaraGirl · 22/07/2025 19:36

I get that family holidays with small children are not a relaxing booze fest but he opted to have a family so he should make that his priority and lads weekends secondary.

Definitely. How did it all pan out, OP?

Laura95167 · 22/07/2025 21:41

Im not understanding why his 10 day exotic trip isnt a 2 yes decison?

Itsnotmyjobtoeducatestupid · 23/07/2025 07:54

Look Op I mean this kindly he’s been doing this for a while. So it’s not that he goes away without you that is the big issue otherwise you would have said no I don’t like it and would prefer you didn’t. He’s been acting along as though he single with the headache of family life hence the it’s no fun with young children- no holidaying with young kids is always hard work but that’s one of the jobs of being parents who work as a team. You’re not a team. He presented you with the details of his trip there was no discussion it was happening. As if you have no say or opinion on when/ where and for how long.

It is the rhetoric and unspoken that speaks volumes here and that’s what’s making you feel the way you do. It is unfair and also upsetting that he would do that trip and then just as an add on we can do one the following year with the kids.

its not ok.
booking yourself away on your trip will just confirm that he can continue to do what he is doing. Helping and doing the odd school run and child care bit isn’t just what being a parent is- you’re married you’re a team and need to work together on everything.

he wants to be single.

I would book my week away and tell him I’m going away to decide the future of our marriage, need head space and clarity to think what I want?
you don’t have to do that but see what he says.

i did I booked for 4 days and extended it to a week- EXH went ballistic as he had the kids.
even though he’d taken him off and his bit on the side for 3 weeks to South East Asia 🤔 weeks before

I mean that would seriously put the shitter up him- or maybe not.

It would be a no from me because of the implications of how he sees you and the children.
You deserve so much better

MascaraGirl · 23/07/2025 11:45

I'm amazed his friends also get to do these sort of holidays - unless they are all single/childfree?

Caroparo52 · 14/08/2025 09:53

Are you sure its with his mates?

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 14/08/2025 09:56

Another quite old thread being resurrected....

Asyoulikeit123 · 14/08/2025 10:46

YANBU - Honestly if my husband wanted to go on an exotic holiday without me I’d be gutted, I know he’d feel the same, having said that, he goes on a ‘day away’ in this country once a year as a tradition with his friends, ‘The meet up’ all mature aged 50’s up married. Meal out and then pubs pints etc, hotel or B&B. Not sure I’d be delighted if it was an exotic holiday destination with nightclubs etc tho!!!!!

Pessismistic · 15/08/2025 13:57

How selfish of him I would be furious how dare he think it’s ok to go and just leave you here with kids. Has he always been this selfish? Does he take this out of the family pot because if it was me and I couldn’t get away I would be taking the equivalent amount and spending it in myself he’s a twat and you should do tat for tat he’s not exactly respectful of you is he.

Swipe left for the next trending thread