DP going on holiday with friends… AGAIN.

[PissOffHoliday]

Am I being unreasonable?

DP usually goes on a couple of solo trips a year, usually for long weekends, sometimes for a week at a time. These holidays have always been in the UK or Europe. I don’t particularly like it, as we have children, the youngest of which is 1 years old. It means doing all childcare alone, obviously, but also having to make adjustments to my work schedule. I’ve ‘put up with it’, but I think his planned trip for next year is taking the piss.

He and his friends have organised a week in an exotic location - approximately 10 hours away - think of a honeymoon style destination. I think this is totally different to a trip to the UK or Europe, it’s more expensive, further away… and frankly, it’s the type of place I would like to go to with DP or with our children.

He also vetoed a holiday this year as he moaned about the cost and the fact it ‘wouldn’t be fun with the one year old’, despite me wanting to go. He’s offered a European holiday next year with all of us, whilst he plans his solo exotic trip with his mates. I also can’t do the same with my friends as we all have responsibilities and can’t just piss off for a week.

I’m usually a bit grumbly about his breaks away, but not as angry and upset as I feel about this latest one. It just feels like an absolute piss take. AIBU?

Tell him no way, end of.

He just presented it as though it was matter of fact it was happening. Didn’t tell me when, how much it costs, just ‘I am going to x place for a week.’

"It’s the fact he’s swanning off to an exotic location, on the other side of the world."

Sorry what?? You're only pissed off because it's and exotic location!! You should be pissed off that he goes off and leaves you multiple times.

This is not a partnership

Was it fun? Did you use hotel childcare at all or just look after them yourself? Thinking of similar but wondering if it would be actually enjoyable or just even more exhausting than home.

It's fine him having trips away if you have equivalent time and money to spend on holidays for yourself. You can go solo, with family or maybe the partner of one of your DH's travel buddies.

just tell him no! Or if not then you are having a week away (on your own) wherever you want. Don’t put up with this

Wow - without discussion! Are his friends all single? At least without a family holiday this summer you'll both have plenty of annual leave - you to take a solo break, him to look after the kids. I really, really hope you do this @PissOffHoliday Ask him when he's got A/L booked for and get planning!

dh and I (older and dc grown up now) have often had time for our own holidays, while the dc were young - time with friends, pursuing our very different hobbies and interests, time recharging our batteries, and a bit of space away from family life and domestic responsibilities. Although always in addition to a family holiday of some sort. And always with prior discussion about timing, duration and cost.

Now we're older we still have occasional separate holidays - his are extreme sports on cold mountains, mine are yoga / wellness / writing retreats (always somewhere warm). I love dh and I also love my space to be alone. However, we both vetoed the invitation from his friend to go an an expditition for a month - just too long.

This is not about a holiday. You can book an all singing and dancing trip away but the issues will still be there when you get back.
This man is showing you that he does not want to spend his free time with you or the children. You are not his priority and he definitely would prefer to have fun with other people.
You booking your own holiday won’t change that.

Sorry op 💐

I also can’t do the same with my friends as we all have responsibilities and can’t just piss off for a week.

You can, you know. Your partner has exactly the same responsibilities as you, and he manages it.

Are you married OP?

Yup

Perfect. Then when you announce, 'I'm off to Bermuda for a week in October' he won't be able to say anything will he?

Apparently that's what you do in your family. (October is the best time for a holiday in Bermuda)

I will never understand why women put up with men like this. Why are you with him ? He doesn’t care about you.

What a prick.

You say DP, are you financially protected? If he gets killed whilst away on his jollies, will you get any life insurance, or is your name on the house deeds? He sounds very selfish, and I really hope as an unmarried woman with children that your finances are in order should something untoward happen.

My DP fucking off the Maldives with his mates whilst I was at home with the kids would be a deal breaker.

Then you tell him you are doing the same. I don't mean this in a jokey way. Seriously, how he responds to this will tell you a lot. If he realises he can't object and you go, you will be in a stronger position when you get back to discuss how mutual planning would be better in future.

It’s a complete piss take OP. And the age of your child is an excuse.

This is miserable, even if you could go away solo, I've done it myself so I'm not against it, but you're together, why wouldn't you want to all go away together? He sounds like a dick, holidays can & are great craic with a one year old, just manage your expectations

If you say you’re doing the same he will say turn his mouth down & say fine, as long as the dc are sorted, ie with your parents/friends.
&, I am working

I’m all for holidays without my dh and dc. I think it’s important to do things for yourself and with your friends.
I think your dh is wrong to not discuss in detail with you, particularly if he’s had trips away already.

I would definitely go away on your own. I’m going away for a week in October half term. Dh can’t get time off (I work term time only) and dd is away for a weeks sporting trip. I’m doing 4 days on a beach and then a few days in a city.

You have to go away. I think that's the only way to drive the message home. For every trip he takes, you do the same or he'll never appreciate the difficulty of being the lone parent. It'll also aid your resentment. My ex was the same when mine were small and I should have taken my own advice.

I always wonder who the 3% are that vote the other way, but I guess it's the angry 'you are unreasonable to put up with this shit " crowd.

Check his holiday insurance covers danger activities!

No Fucking Way. The end.

Also, how dare he??! I am fuming on your behalf.

Do this.