My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

1. Why do you think you nephew’s lack of height is why he has never had a girlfriend?

2. 20 is nothing. I think I was about 19/20 when I had my first “boyfriend”

It’s funny you say that as I went through a few years hating not being the same size as my pocket sized female friends. They were so small and dainty and had small feet and I felt like Shrek in comparison.

I though, like you, got over it and learned to ignore comments on my height and the many men and women who like to tell me I am “too tall” to wear heels (too tall for what??)

THIS!

A thousand times this. I can think a few physical traits I have that are dealbreakers for a fair few men.

I just accept that just as not everybody would date me I would not date everybody and learned to live with that. If everybody learned to do this I think people would be a lot more content.

My son was always one of the short ones too - the year he was 14 he literally grew 6 inches, really quickly overtook me and now is 15.5 and about 5'8".

He will grow some more I expect as his dad is nearly 6ft - it's just slowed down now.

Boys do often grow in a massive spurt as mid teenagers so there is time yet!

People comment on tall people full stop. Tall women have comments constantly too.

One of my sons had a very short boy in his class. My son told me (after they’d left primary) that this boy would get mocked by one of the girls there. I was very shocked as I always thought this girl was one of the nice ones (her mum seemed lovely, well educated, decent). Primary school was over and I don’t think there was anything I could do anyway, but I remember feeling very angry at that girl. That was around 15 year’s ago and whenever I see her mum in passing (we aren’t close, it was just school gate chat) I still wonder if her dd feels any shame about it (she’ll be in her 20s now).

Indeed. I’m not unusually tall for a woman, but I’ve had plenty of comments about the fact that I’m a few inches above the average. It is what it is.

A short man may often be depicted as undesirable when it comes to dating, but the same goes for tall women. It’s hardly unusual for men to be uninterested in dating women taller than them, but those men are rarely criticized for this in the same way that women uninterested in shorter men are.

One of my DS's friends was very short at that age. 25 now, still a little on the short side. However, he's handsome, funny and very engaging, has a good job and a GF. Your son will be fine. I think keeping him engaged with sports is important.
If he's into rugby, he'll make a good scrum half.
But yes, kids can be cruel but you're giving him all the right support.

My Husband was one of the tallest in friendship group until he was about 15 . His freinds overtook him one by one, and he is now the shortest, he's about 5 ft 7. A boy's height at 14 doesn't really mean too much - certainly comparative to the heights of others.

Also short men do end up in relationships too. I work with three men who are all about 5 ft 4 and they are all happily married.

I don’t think it’s helpful to tell anyone not to care about their height. You care about what you care about abs absolutley there can be prejudices around short men. You see it all the time even on here . It’s been my experience that the teens around here are all outgrowing their father so I think your son will probably end up at least 5.8’ and probably an inch or two more.
my teen grew loads during the summer when he could sleep in ( don’t know if was the growth making him sleepy or the sleep making him grow) but some mornings he got up visibly taller .

Because you’re telling him that he’ll be like his dad and grow taller after 15. But he might not. His dad isn’t all that tall, maybe just above average and you’re short. Your son might just be short and stay short. Stop telling him he is going to grow. He might, but you don’t know that.

Also look for a chinese chopshop where they will break your son's legs and stretch them out as they heal. A boy can never be too tall nor a girl too thin!

I don’t my SIL thinks it is.
That’s you

Yes that’s very very true x

Possibly a lot of his mates paired up at school and he’s left out.

Rob Burrows was 5’5” and a hugely successful rugby player. I don’t know much about rugby but if you’re shorter and fast on your feet there’s definitely a place for you.

Neither of my sons were interested in having gf’s at that age (much to my relief). My younger son used to think all the drama surrounding the kids relationships at school was stupid. Both are in steady relationships but I was grateful they left it till later.

It really depends on the child, my son would rather opt out then be ridiculed x

It’s what I said at the start - people are curiously hostile to women’s dating preferences/
dealbreakers in a way they aren’t for men.

My experience is most men do not want a taller girlfriend and I have had more than a few openly state that my height is “offputting!” 😄

Yes

It’s not just me - 20 to have a first partner is frighteningly normal.
Also how can your SIL possibly know why he is single. Plenty of men your nephew’s height are happily partnered.

My son is 20 and 5,5. He’s still a fabulous young man and luckily not judged badly because he’s not 6ft tall.

Partner perhaps but he’s not looking for a partner just a girlfriend/few liaisons - most adults have had that before 20. I’m not sure I know anyone that hasn’t.
she doesn’t think it’s because he is short but because being short makes him lack confidence and shy away from girls.

Yep there is a very tall girl in my DS’s class, around 6ft at 12 years old and she gets bullied terribly. I know from her Mum she hates her height and her only wish is to be shorter.

Taylor Swift, at 5’10 also talks about feeling awkward at her height for years.

So boys must be tall and broad and girls must be tiny and dainty although let’s be honest bullies will still find something to pick on anyway, DH was tall but bullied for being clever for instance.

All in all people are just dicks.

I met my friend Brian when we were 11. He was a small lad and told a tale that he’d been blown over by the wind.

He had his growing spurt a little later than the rest of us - but he did have one.

55 years later you’d never guess what a shrimp he was back then. Not the tallest of chaps but quite a normal height.

Don’t worry unduly about this, don’t make an issue about it.