My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

Most of my extended family are short. 5’8 is as tall as the men get. Some are 5’4.
None of this has stopped them from living well, meeting new partners, getting married, having children.

If your son is so worried about this side of things as others have said I’d be worried who he’s watching on the internet, because nearly every short man I know doesn’t have a problem with it at all, and the one that does has ended up almost incel-like and hates women because they don’t want him, which is wrong, they don’t want him because he’s a nasty bitter man who rants about shallow women, I mean, who’d find that attractive?

Teach him that it doesn’t matter. What matters is who he is.

Are you male though?

Obviously it’s what’s inside that counts, but I’d be amazed if the ALL short men in your life really don’t have a problem with it and don’t wish they were a little taller.

He’s not getting it off the internet. He’s 14. School banter is harsh.

Watch The Bear with him. Without mentioning height! Its a great series anyway and he'll look up Jeremy Allen White and see that he went on to be in the sexiest pants ad ever.

How tall are you, that 6ft is only “acceptable”? You do realise that’s taller than the vast majority of men in the U.K.?

i agree people always point out the exceptions (same with successful people with ADHD) but the reality is there are men in America having their legs broken and rebuilt inches taller in painful and extensive operations as the fact is smaller men are viewed badly by the majority and they are belittled about this for their lives.
we saw a private paediatric endocrinologist in London- Dr Wei,she works for the NHS and I think you’d be better off using someone who doesn’t who for the NHS as they might give you more help. X

Pp's inference that he can't lead a full life if on the shorter side is ridiculous.

I agree with you, it’s incredible how people - especially women comment on tall boys! It’s insane - nothing we can do about height but all other things like manners, personality etc overlooked

Gosh sorry, you’re right. A thoughtless comment. Apologies 🫣

But most short men really do just go about their lives without any drama or disadvantages. My dad is short, as is my husband, neither of which have had much stick about it, no more than I have for wearing glasses for example.

Times must have changed a lot then, maybe because the average height is taller now? My son is teased a lot and has not taken in pe kit because of being bullied about being short in rugby etc - it’s the first thing people comment on on seeing him after a period of not seeing him,

Thinking the exact same thing, 'oh don't worry... Yet'. It's all just fuel even though it's well meaning

Maybe they do, but not to my knowledge. If they do they’ve done very well at getting on with their lives.

Like I said the one that openly hates his height has a miserable life because he can’t get past it. It’s like a self fulfilling prophecy.

I suspect if the banter wasn’t about his height it would be about something else he feels insecure about and that would be the problem to solve.

This isn’t about his height this is about his self esteem.

Andrew tate is very popular and has really seeped into the mainstream. Even without mentioning his name, jokes and casual misogyny are really easy for the young to access

I'm not saying that he's a bad kid at all, but height anxiety and worried about girls is what that lot prey on

Always so much to unpack in height threads, they bring all the crazy out of MN.

Focusing on the actual OP's son, it would NOT be helpful to reassure him he might grow tall - he might not, but that reinforces the idea that being short is a negative.

What he has to do is what everyone who doesn't measure up in some way to an ideal of conventional attractiveness has to do - own it! The "short king" meme was a few years back now but that's the idea - to be able to hold your head up and not just accept you're short but embrace being short. His mindset needs to be that his height is a great thing - and it is, being short is an advantage in many ways - and if anyone doesn't appreciate it, it's their loss.

The logical next step in his mind will be to realise that a lot of supposed conventional masculine/feminine ideals are actually bullshit in real life. Generalisations and blanket statements about what men want or what women want are nonsense. Plenty of women don't care about height.

Have not RTFT so might be repeating others but if he’s analytically minded it might be worth showing him the data on percentiles and average puberty ages, especially between boys and girls. I’d pretty much finished growing age 14 (at 5’11!) and so towered over most of the boys in my year. By the time we finished 6th form most of them were taller or as tall as me. None of the ‘short’ boys stayed short but they didn’t spurt until 16/17.

in my experience of bringing up 3 boys who were all shorter than me (5”7) until the age of 13-14,they are now 5”11, 6”2 and 6”3 it did seem to happen suddenly around that age, tell your son it takes time to grow to perfection

It makes him an easy target, and as it’s true it’s hard to come back at or not let it bother you. People think boys aren’t bitchy but in my experience they can be much worse.

Yes, they seem generally harsher in that respect, bullying under the guise of banter. If you show it affects you it gets worse.

My son is autistic, others banter about him being little, but then he’ll come back with some personal insult thinking it’s just banter but then gets in trouble because he’s upset someone - it’s very difficult to explain that it’s borderline bullying and they know exactly how to push his buttons and that’s the point of it rather than jokey banter. It’s very unfair.

I have explained to him that there’s a psychological issue at play, that even if he was tall they’d almost sense another of his perceived flaws and tease him about that instead.

I get he's upset but he's only 14! My husband looked about 11 when he was 14 but he is now about 5 foot 8 and very handsome! He was probably about 18 when he took his last big stretch. He didn't have a girlfriend until he met me at 19.

Lots of teenagers don't date until they are into their later teens, its perfectly normal not to dated at his age. However your son's concerns are not his fault its just the world we live in. When I grew up I felt hideous because I was more hourglass shaped and curvaceous when all I wanted to was to look like Kate Moss. I was sure I was unwanted because I was "too fat" when I was nothing of the sort. Now both girls and boys are online and receive all this harmful messaging which affects their self esteem, body image and ideas about where they should be in life. I see all these very young boys in my gym working out because the pro-gym messaging online is so strong. Its great they want to be fit but at that age I'm sure playing a team sport or athletics would be more fun.

I asked my husband how he felt about being small as a teen and he said he just focuses on other things he liked such as playing football and the subjects he liked at school. I think their was less pressure back then for boys though.

He will be fine I think its just this insane pressure kids have coming out of their smart phones at them that does so much damage.

The problem with height “banter” is that it carries on throughout adult life. Yes at school everyone gets picked on for something but you rarely find adults laughed at for wearing glasses (for example).

I guess the ginger teasing may be the one that does persist too

This thread has really screwed me up. I never used to care about height but tonight I'm going to go home, measure the boy, plot his, mine and his Dad's heights on a centile chart and make some predictions about how he'll turn out. Possibly also hit the dark web for some HGH.

I actually find it quite sad that a 14 year old is so focused on finding a partner to the extent it is impacting their self-esteem.