My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

Nothing fits - I have disproportionately short arms and legs

All the shelves are too high/deep

I can't apply for certain jobs

For certain lab jobs, I've had to drag platforms and stools around to work in fume cupboards and even then, my arms are too short to work with the equipment

Everything takes far more effort and planning

I've got ladders and stools to get around my own kitchen

I'm not even a dwarf, but life is hard when you don't fit the 'average mould'

I'm sorry it's had such an impact.

There is very good evidence that short people live longer. Also short people have better "skeletal health" FWOABW. They don't get bad backs and sore knees as much.

He's won the lottery.

See i wouldn't have said 5ft 2.5 is short for 14. My middle son probably that height around 14 and he hasn't got comments about his height.

Tom Hardy is 5’8/5’9 - a lot of leading men are that sort of height as it looks great on camera next to gorgeous women!

Yes, my nephew missed the boat. His family is very, very much 'just get on with it' people, there is nothing you can do about it. It was too late when he begged his family for help, although the Dr did try in case there was a chance.

Tests showed that my son's hormones were within normal ranges, his bone density was fine etc, my son had ADHD and we had been told that the medication he needed could stunt end height. We were finding out if he could counter this with growth hormones, the (height) Dr we saw recommended he didn't take ADHD meds until after he had a growth spurt/reached puberty.

my youngest didn't shoot up until he hit 15 and here we are 8 months later and he is about 5ft9, I am 5ft 3 and his dad was about 5ft8

How "very sporty"? Intense training can delay growth. I've witnessed this quite a few times with elite gymnasts...¨

I do absolutely think that you should consult a specialist. If there is something wrong (and I am not saying there is), you'll know that you tried everything to give your son appropriate medical care.

Anyhow, you are about 3 cm below the UK's average height for women and your DH is a good bit shorter than the average male. It is therefore absolutely possible (possible, not certain) that your son will be a bit shorter than his father. Try to instill some confidence in him.

Tall people have issues as well:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/gift/575fb18d8cf0041d

If your son grows up to be a decent man with a good personality, he will find someone who wants to be in a relationship with him. The fact that many women prefer taller men will just mean that some women won't want to date him, and so, like most of us, he won't have his pick of everyone. But just as is the case for girls and women who don't match societal ideals for physical appearance, yet still have relationships and happy lives, it needs to be accepted and the focus shifted to other aspects of life. If there is no medical intervention necessary, I think the focus needs to shift from hope of growing taller (which reinforces that being short is 'wrong') to things unconnected with height. Personality, achievements and so on and build self esteem that way.

Not all women want someone taller. I'm 5'6 and my boyfriend is 5'5 and i love him to bits. Admittedly I initially didn't think I could be attracted to someone shorter than me but I was absolutely wrong and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

Confidence in himself is key, its so hard at that age but if he can be happy in what he brings to the table it will attract girls

You know what, calling someone short as a derogatory thing is such a cheap shot and of course speaks more about the name caller than the person. Be more imaginative please. I taught a boy who eventually exploded with these comments. He was clever, sporty and good looking but of course reduced to his height by the less talented amongst the class. His mother, also v short like myself, went the 'You'll grow wait and see'route which I didn't agree wjth, much better to own it as many smaller men I know do and have never had issues with women or success but general. I have 2 ds, one particularly tall and strong at 13 and it is mad how much people comment on it, completely OTT on a daily basis, even commenting on his thighs fgs. My other ds is younger and v petite and fine boned almost. I know he will likely be much shorter but he is kind and bright and just a lovely person. He is confident too and my priority will be continuing to build this and as a pp described assuring him he's the perfect size for him! So far he is actually more self assured than the taller.

You and your husband are both short so I don't think that it's a medical issue with your son.

I understand your point but it’s a bit harsh to imply that OP’s child son is a follower of Andrew Tate or future woman hater. There is nothing in the post to suggest that.

OP, I guess what you can tell him is that everybody has something:

Too short (boys) / too tall (girls)
Too hairy (especially girls)
Ears that stick out
Glasses
Too skinny (boys) / too fat
Stammer
etc

It’s easy to think your ‘thing’ is the worst but realistically most people have something that doesn’t fit the universal standards of beauty… and they still manage to find partners.

The depressing part, though, is that even when people have one of these ‘things’ they will themselves often discriminate, for ex the short boy will find it unfair that girls are after tall boys, but he won’t be attracted by the hairy girls (random example).

Sned him for sessions with a counsellor
He does not need to be on tinder at 14

The fact your were not willing to share his current height comes across as though you are embarrassed about it too! Maybe that vibe isn't helping his insecurity.

I suspect people are asking because there is short then there is unusually short.

My nephew is one of the shortest in his year. He will be 16 in a couple of months and is now 5'8. He shot up a few inches in the last 6 months, so he was around 5'6 at 14 when most of the other boys were heading for 6ft!

If its any comfort, I went to school with boys who were slight and short. They are around 5'5 - 5'7 now as fully grown men. They have all gone on to have wives and families from what I can see on Facebook.

Not all women are shallow height hunters.

This is probably outing but maybe this will help you make decisions for your child or understand the process and adjust expectations. My youngest is receiving growth hormones therapy, has been since age 7 and we were told it would be for approximately 10 years. I am 5.3, husband is 6.4. Child was born on second highest centile but by the time we were seen (referral took extra long due to covid) he was no longer registering on the centile charts. This was obviously concerning to paeds and fuelled the referral. The first “test” that was applied was to do an average parental height (mine and my DH’s height added up then divided by 2), plot that on centile chart and child is expected to be within 2 centiles up or down of that average parental height. Our child was much smaller so we were sent for tests which included x rays of his hands (showed he was 2 years behind average growth for his age) then a quite complicated and risky series of blood tests while they were injecting him with insulin to trigger the production of growth hormones. This showed he was producing barely any. Our NHS trust wants 2 “proofs” that there is an issue before agreeing to growth hormone treatment so he also had to have an MRI.
If you and husband are both short, chances are you won’t get past that first test of your child charting outside of what is expected from average parental height. You can do these calculations yourself and save yourself time and aggro trying to get referrals. However, your child being at puberty age, it wouldn’t harm to monitor him to ensure he develops as expected and push for him to be seen if you are concerned.
Our child is responding well to treatment so far but realistically, he probably will end up on the shorter end of the scale. We are celebrating his abilities and the advantages of having a lower centre of gravity as a way to boost his confidence. I know it’s easy to worry but I have faith that one day he will find his tribe and/or his person and they will love him just as he is.

OP I think everyone telling you their amazing stories of short kids who are now 6ft are trying to be helpful, but in my experience it's just contributing to the problem. DH is short, has always been small and short, and what screwed with him more than his height is his mother telling him he was bound to grow taller eventually - she's wonderful but couldn't face being honest about how tall he was ever likely to become based on family history.
Luckily he's confident, funny, outgoing and very handsome (I would think so eh?) so has never struggled with women – his group of uni mates are all over 6ft and in the past he was at least as successful as them, honestly I didn't think I had a chance with him because he was so popular!
Now we have 2 DS and the eldest - 4 - has started asking questions about when he'll get tall. We've been really honest with him about it and cut over MIL trying to say anything otherwise, just because we don't want him to spend his teens pining for something he can't have.
It sounds like you're doing all the right things (from my perspective as an also very short person 5ft1) in encouraging him to develop his personality and interests, and to recognise that everyone has something that disadvantages them in the dating pool.
Personally speaking, because I'm short I think I've always cared less about height, although found dating tall men a bit tricky.. felt like a toddler holding hands, couldn't easily dance together, no chatting at gigs/loud bars.. some people won't date him, but equally some people won't date blonde men, men without or unable to grow beards, hairy men etc etc.. it's all preference! One last anecdote, my best friend is a very tall - supermodel tall - woman, and she's happily married to a short king. The fact that most of us shorties exist is testament to short men getting the girl!

And I'm also often heard making positive comments about smaller people eg 'Wow he's a little flyer on the wing, he's the perfect size to fly past them all.' Etc and this was the case with the unhappy student, his size made him the great sports person he was. I've also heard boys call themselves small and mighty which makes me smile!

My boyfriend is around 5’5. He said he had all the jokes in school but has grown confident later in life. It is a shame as the first time people meet him it’s always I didn’t realise he was so short

An endocrinoligst is the sort of expert you need, but you probably won't be referred if the GP thinks your son is on track to reach his predicted adult height.

Your son's predicted height will be somewhere in the middle of your height and your husband's heigh, so he's never going to be tall. (There are always outliers who buck the trend, but that's the general guide.)

If there is concern that there could be a growth hormone deficiency, an x-ray of the wrist can help a professional determine whether there is still a possibility of further growth. The next step is to have a test in hospital (day patient - you go in early morning, nil by mouth, they'll insert a canual, take blood throughout the day and inject your DS with medication to stimulate the pituitary gland. Dr told us it's unpleasant, and the meds make many children nauseous, causes headaches and other side effects, so it's not something to do unless you really have to).

If growth hormones are prescribed, they aren't a guarantee. They're most successful when taken before puberty starts.

I'd concentrate on doing what you already are - continue to listen and be there for your son, acknowledge his concerns but remind him that height doesn't limit greatness - Yuri Gagarin (5'2") was the first person in space, Beethoven (5'1" or shorter) was one of the greatest composers in history, Queen Victoria was only 4'11"! Dating is hard for everyone, and when you're young, you think you have a type, whether that's a blonde surfer or tall, dark and handsome. At some point you realise that intelligence, kindness, a sense of humour and shared interests matter more.

I think it's a bit of a non issue, honestly. People saying short boys don't get girlfriends is ridiculous. Two of the most popular men in the UK are shorter than average - Ant and Dec. I have five sons, two over 6ft, two around 5"8 and one who is 5"11. The tall ones are taller than their father and me. The shorter two have had the most success with the opposite sex! They're both ginger as well which is also seen as something negative. When I was at school many years ago one of the most popular boys in my class was quite short. My youngest was short at 14 then had a growth spurt which was so rapid it gave him stretch marks across his back. He went from around 5 feet two to 5,11 in less than a year.

I did actually speak to both GP and an endocrinologist privately aabout six months ago. The GP ran basic tests (coeliac etc). The endo then discussed these (all fine) and gave advice as to what she would suggest. Her advice was to run further tests, a sort of MOT, to see if things are working as they should. It wasn’t just about anticipated height but how slowly he was growing.

In fact, the GP also agreed that we should keep an eye and even put us in the NHS system - but the waiting list in our area is over a year - so if we went ahead we’d go privately.

but I’m undecided. He’s def grown since then. We will keep an eye for the next few months.

and, anecdotally, endo consultant thought he would be my husbands height or thereabouts - but obviously this is without proper examination.

i want to reiterate I’m not looking to medicalise or make him feel he ‘needs’ to be tall - I’m aware that if there are issues, then they need to be addressed during puberty. As the GP agreed. So it’s not something I could wait and wait on.

But I think these comments (about ant and Dec and other famous short men) are a bit like saying ‘look at J K Rowling. You can earn a living as a writer.’ It’s def not every writer’s experience…

i would never do anything other than boost my son and insist he will be loved, love and have a great life whatever height he is - and I have told him he might not be the height he wants’ - but the truth is, it can really affect a growing boys confidence. But that’s my job, I know, to help him grow it