My son hates being short.

[MacmillanDo]

My 14 year old son is short for his age - actually, he’s grown in the past few months but he’s still one of the smaller kids in his year.

He’s desperate to be taller and to have a girfriend and he’s sure these two things are linked.

We’ve been talking with the GP about whether we go privately and run general checks to see if he’s got delayed growth - and I suspect we will do this, even though he’s following his father’s trajectory by being v small until about 15 when he grew to about 5ft 8. I’m 5 ft 2.5

I tell him all the time that he has to love who he is, whatever size he gets to and that he’s amazing - genuinely - and handsome, funny, engaging - and will be loved etc - but I also get that this stuff is toxic for boys and he’s at a really self conscious age.

And the truth is, when you read that Tinder is bringing in height filters, I feel really sad for him - because it’s bullshit but it might really impact on his wellbeing.

i don’t know why im posting. Maybe for some advice

Girlfriend / liaisons not having that by 20 is frighteningly normal.
Although maybe if he was not simply looking for “liaisons” he would be having more joy?

He’s 20, and he’s having a blast at uni in lots of ways, but you obviously don't know any normal single 20 year olds if you think they aren’t looking for a hook-up on nights out. However I don’t share your need to hijack this thread by someone disagreeing with my SILs opinion of her own son, so let’s end this discussion. Though if you’re the type of person I think you are, you won’t be able to not carry on trying to prove you’re frighteningly correct. So crack on and ill ignore you from here on…

It's sad that many boys are now getting as hung up and stressed out about appearance as many girls traditionally did/do. How can we make it better for both? There used to be so many different ways to be and look than there seem to be now?

You can never guarantee what height children will attain based on the calculators you can use or the formulae.
I am 5'4", husband 5'7". Daughter is 5'7", son is nearly 6' as adults

Women can choose to lose weight, men can’t choose to grow.

Totally agree, I can remember when my tiny 14 year old came home from school telling me he had a place on the school rugby squad and I asked him was he sure.

we spoke to the head of dept who confirmed that he had been chosen as he was small, agile and a fast runner and it was him who would get the ball thrown to him and he would run as fast as he could to score tries!

My brother was around an inch taller at 14, he is 6 foot 1” now. Our Dad was just under 5’9” and our Mum 5’ 4”. I am 5 8” . Both db and I grew very late.

Being a short man sucks. but the whole "you need to be 6 foot" thing is not as common as Internet thinks when you get to adulthood. Otehr boys can be brutal as can young adult women. Maybe the "short king" movement will push this ridiculous height thing to the point where there is no need for those terms. Maybe look at some videos of short actors and interviews like Tom Holland and Daniel Radcliffe that joke about their height?

My brother grew till he was 18, so all is not lost.

FWIW, OP, my partner is 5’1 — an inch shorter than me — and we just had our first baby. He’s had no trouble dating and I find him very attractive — it’s just not a ‘thing’ for us. He’s had his share of piss-taking but he’s ignored it or shut it down as appropriate, and life is grand.

Please reassure your boy (who is already taller!) that a lot of women just won’t care. My first bf was 5’4 after hormone treatment x

Why is that frightening?

Nor can tall women choose to shrink, and plenty of men balk at dating women taller than them. It’s not just women that will be able to filter by height, after all.

Dating is not an equal opportunity endeavour.

No it’s not, and preferences are fine.

what doesn’t land brilliantly is some kid the language used. Calling a short man a shrimp, using weedy for slim build, saying being taller is decent. There no need to belittle people

I wasn't saying otherwise, indeed to reject a life partner based on race, height, weight, class, eye colour, is all ridiculous.....at the same time....we are allowed preferences. I would've preferred a life partner with straight hair but my wife has curly hair, what you gonna do, it hasn't stopped a 25 year long marriage and it never did, just a preferences, she has many of her own preferences and the fact I don't look like Mikel Arteta is something she has to live with 😂

I hear you

I just notice people get so het up about height as a physical dealbreaker and not other things and I don’t get it. People having dealbreakers only impacts the person holding them and if they prefer to remain single rather than changing them that’s their owm affair. The hysteria over Tinder having height filters while being fine with them allowing photos is funny to me!

Leaving aside weight loss is nowhere near as easy as you think go back and read my post.

I compared weight to weight. The correct comparison.

And height filters are not for women.
They are for people. Men equally apply height requirements on who they will date.

Exactly this.

I'd say it's very relevant tbh

Im 25 and 5'8... A huge part of finding a girl for me at least was self confidence and self respect for who I am... If someone cares that much about my height, I'm not interested in being in a relationship with them.

Hi, my sons has growth deficiancy and was told to take growth hormones, which he never did, so hes the shortest in his year at school (13yrs). Ive alway made him do stagecoach ( acting ,drama,singing and dancing), tae kwondo, gymnastics and anything else i could afford to build his confidence up. And it has worked. He is short (143cm) but his build and muscles are really starting to take shape and his confidence is really growing. Get him involved in as much sports and activities as you can, it was a massive help to my son. Good luck x

1. He will probably grow in the next couple of years. My little brother shot up at about 15/16 and overtook me, he's now around 5 ft 10/11 (taller than my dad). Our Grandpa was only 4ft 11. Boys can still grow until about 24.
2. Personality is worth more than height, anyone filtering for height is shallow and doesn't deserve someone with a cracking personality, their loss not his!
3. Make sure he has wholesome hobbies that he enjoys. As my parents pointed out to my brother, when he complained about girls drinking him under the table, best not to pick them up in bars then! It's better to do is find hobbies you enjoy and meet people that way. It's much easier to find someone you like through mutual interests. If he happens to enjoy ballroom or salsa dancing, he can take his pick.

My brother continued to grow when I left home at 18 (hed have been 17/18/19/20 when I was away at uni) Every time I came home he'd grown more to my surprise and he stopped at about at 21? I'd say.

I wouldn't worry too much he's still growing. My now 15 yr old last summer was about half a foot shorter than me and was well rounded like a dumpling. He's not 16 until Halloween now he's about half a foot bigger than me.

Whenever I tease my friend about his height he says "we're all the same height when we're laying down" which always makes me laugh🤣👏🏼....gift that to your lad when hes 17/18 and gone through the growth spurt.

If he aint got the height, hes gotta have the humour. ❤️❤️

My son literally stayed same height and shoe size for 3 years then at 15 ish he grew 4 shoe sizes and a foot and a half. I'm 5ft 4. Dad is about 5ft 6 and our twins are boy and girl and 5ft 11 and 5ft 11 1/2 ( can't tell you which one is 1/2 inch taller) 🤣🤣🤣

Its a bit of a lottery...
My DS is 5'10" and 16.... hasn't grown in 2 years...
But I'm barely 5'2" and his dad is 5'4"
Hi dad had a personality and was always the centre of the party, women trusted him and found him a shoulder to cry on (in the 1990s)... randomly mist of his pals were over 6' and while he didn't care much about his height (very athletic) he hated having to wear glasses