Saying no a playdate

[Youbutterbelieve]

DC2(6) has made a friend in her new school. Kid seems fine, she's coming over for a play tomorrow after much nagging by DD.

I think at some point we'll get an invite back but I absolutely do not want DD going over to their house. DD does have playdates with other friends at their houses and I'm not a helicopter mum but I really don't feel this home is one I'd want DD in.

How do I say no? I don't want to offend the mum or cause issues with DD friendship.

@MeridianB I am really confused as to why so many people on this thread have such poor reading comprehension but here we are...

Read the OP's post of 14.54. She had reported her concerns appropriately.

Nope, everyone saw that. But reported her concerns to who? OP only mentioned doing that after everyone pointed out it was really off for a social worker not act to help a child that was clearly being neglected. She has a duty to report it to her bosses but she clearly hasn't done that because she's more concerned about her kid's playdate.

The Op is a SW. thankfully this is BS

SO concerned about the home environment of this child that doesn’t want her own child to ever be alone in property and never eve under the care of the child’s parents.

And yet… nah, I won’t report to police, nor SS referral (SW my arse) and I’ll mention to school but seem singularly disinterested in fact that nothing seems to have improved since I mentioned.

What a good thing the OP has reported this family through the correct channels, then.

Reported to the school - that is what op meant by appropriate channels if you read the thread

Nothing seems to have improved since then

Since when?

The number of people imagining things that the OP hasn't said is depressing.

press “all” in OP’s post

its not that long a thread!!

I've mentioned to school, school are already on it

and confirmed has NOT reported to police
and confirmed has NOT reported to SS

so I’ve spoon fed it to you!

You're judging how concerned a SW is about an issue by whether they start a MN thread on it?

OP hasn't said whether she is more or less concerned about one issue or another - you've imagined that.

She is trained to deal with SW and police issues, so won't need to ask a bunch of strangers about that, and has acted on that, but is wondering about the social etiquette of a parent in her situation so is asking for views on that.

It's not that difficult to follow.

Where has she stated the dates she acted? Have posts been edited?

and confirmed has NOT reported to police
and confirmed has NOT reported to SS

Posts must have been edited because I can't find where you've quoted this from.

Sweet Jesus

read the thread!!! It’s not that long!

It gets worse @Roundaboot

I am spoon feeding this poster but still not getting it!

She is trained to deal with SW and police issues,

nah she isn’t.

two days ago she worked in “development” in a “male dominated industry” “99% home based”

You're "spoon feeding" @MignonsMorceaux with a load of crap that you've made up!
OP has said she's reported her concerns.

She’s “mentioned” to the school

but has confirmed that not reported to police
and not reported to SS

No I haven't reported to the police.

so if not reporting the excessive cannabis smoking to the police, means hasn’t reported to the police otherwise you would mentioned the illegal activity you are aware is ongoing in the family home as part of your report.

The Op confirms she has “mentioned” to the school

and that’s it.

I had meant to quote @SuperTrooper14 rather than @Roundaboot !

If you search OP's posts you will find one where she says she didn't report to the police. It's not entirely clear if that's just referring to the weed, however she also only mentions notifying the school as follow up on this situation. Reporting to a school is what you would expect a parent to do who would the inform social services. OP is a social worker so can cut out the middle person, but she has said herself that the dynamic of knowing them would make this awkward. Fair enough, but then she could disassociate from the girl and her family and flag this with her work for someone else to follow up, but she has said herself that she wants playdates to continue for the sake of her child. All of this is from OP's own words.

Some of you are rushing to defend OP and I'm not sure why. She's not being "attacked", she's being questioned, and fairly so. Being concerned about a child identified at risk by a social worker not getting the follow up they could do is just basic human concern. The bar is in hell if this is considered being on a high horse.

If you search OP's posts you will find one where she says she didn't report to the police.

That was in the discussion of weed being reportable or not, so I took it to mean weed and not the wider safeguarding issues that are now being discussed.

All the yelling by pp to "read the thread" won't make me find words the OP hasn't said. That was entirely my point in the first place. I read the thread, closely, and still couldn't find some date that the pp had decided was long enough ago since reporting that they would expected something "to have improved since then".

When I asked what specifically OP had posted, the reply was just comments about spoonfeeding instead of answering. I'm not asking for spoonfeeding, or paraphrasing what pp imagine has happened.

No, you're right, it's not at all difficult to understand that despite being a trained social worker of 20 years' standing, OP has done nothing to escalate an investigation into this child's obvious neglect, repeated exposure to drug-taking and lack of adult supervision. When you're a social worker you cannot just pick and choose what you can be bothered to report.

But I agree with PP now, I don't think she's trained in SW at all.

OP has done nothing to escalate an investigation

How do you know this?

This is very concerning

Both the neglect of this young child
And the fact the OP claims to be a SW with two decades experience who lectures!!

Because OP isn't backwards about coming forwards both on this thread and plenty of others and when everyone was questioning her about the non-escalation she would've said. Instead she scuttled off.

I would definitely say no. Poor kid.