Page 14 | Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

CottageGoblin · 03/06/2025 22:02

The “wait til 12 weeks to make sure your pregnancy is valid” argument is absolutely absurd. She is pregnant. Announcing or not announcing does not make her less so. And as someone who has experienced lots of loss, it’s really nice to get the joy first before the sadness (if it happens).

Ladysodor · 03/06/2025 22:07

What difference does it make? I’m genuinely bewildered. Surely, even if you tell people at the wedding, it won’t spoil their day. Nothing overshadows the happy couple.

dustygrey · 03/06/2025 22:08

IgneousSedimentary · 03/06/2025 09:06

And don’t say you’re on antibiotics. You might as well wear a tshirt that says PREGGERS.

I think that may be an age thing.

I'm early 50s and when I was younger, anytime a woman said she was on antibiotics the first thought would be .... Pregnant.

However I saw at least one thread here where someone said this, and most of the posters were "are you crazy?" Or "are you crazy and rude" so I don't know

Grammarnut · 03/06/2025 22:15

Amelie2025 · 03/06/2025 18:28

Why have you quoted my post??

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I don't remember but if it's the one about OP not making the wedding all about her not drinking, probably because I thought it was apposite, and so (agreeing with you on this issue) I quoted it. I neglected to write 'I agree with this, OP' before I started. I did not mean to offend you, so I apologise.

ohfook · 03/06/2025 22:38

keep quiet until after the wedding. Line up a couple of the free drinks on your table near your plate and if you have a soft drink ask for it in a short glass so it looks like you’re drinking. Or just say you’re the designated driver. Let them have this time and enjoy having this secret between just you and your dh.

Lickedthespoon · 03/06/2025 23:08

Definitely wait, it's the nice thing to do

CallieG · 03/06/2025 23:13

Please don’t be THAT PERSON, a selfish person who hijacks someone else’s special occasion & makes it about Them.
Your brothers wedding is about him & his Bride, NOT YOU. This is their One day to bask in the spotlight. If you announce your pregnancy at their wedding you will hurt them both & it’s something that you may not be forgiven for doing.

There are plenty of other perfectly valid reasons for not drinking.

BTW, 10 weeks is far too early to be publicly announcing a pregnancy, Wait until your second trimester.

SouthLondonMum22 · 03/06/2025 23:50

CallieG · 03/06/2025 23:13

Please don’t be THAT PERSON, a selfish person who hijacks someone else’s special occasion & makes it about Them.
Your brothers wedding is about him & his Bride, NOT YOU. This is their One day to bask in the spotlight. If you announce your pregnancy at their wedding you will hurt them both & it’s something that you may not be forgiven for doing.

There are plenty of other perfectly valid reasons for not drinking.

BTW, 10 weeks is far too early to be publicly announcing a pregnancy, Wait until your second trimester.

OP never said anything about making the actual announcement at the wedding. She is talking about a few weeks before which isn't hijacking their wedding at all.

Orange3344 · 04/06/2025 11:04

Do not announce! even if the bride has the good grace not to say anything, you might unwittingly upset her by taking away from her special day, and what is the real need to say anything? Agree with past comments not to mention antibiotics etc, especially considering you CAN have a drink on the majority of antibiotics. just take the drink, no one pays attention to whether you actually drink it provided they hear you order something or have a drink in your hand. It's not that hard, I've done it many a time! Unless you're from a family who likes to take shots or split the G, most people are not watching you that closely.

Harry12345 · 04/06/2025 11:28

CallieG · 03/06/2025 23:13

Please don’t be THAT PERSON, a selfish person who hijacks someone else’s special occasion & makes it about Them.
Your brothers wedding is about him & his Bride, NOT YOU. This is their One day to bask in the spotlight. If you announce your pregnancy at their wedding you will hurt them both & it’s something that you may not be forgiven for doing.

There are plenty of other perfectly valid reasons for not drinking.

BTW, 10 weeks is far too early to be publicly announcing a pregnancy, Wait until your second trimester.

Wow a woman being pregnant and telling her parents isn’t making everything about themselves! Also woman can tell people they’re pregnant at anytime if they wish!

rosemarble · 04/06/2025 14:29

Harry12345 · 04/06/2025 11:28

Wow a woman being pregnant and telling her parents isn’t making everything about themselves! Also woman can tell people they’re pregnant at anytime if they wish!

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Telling is different to announcing because you know how excited someone will be.
I had the first grandchild in our family. My Mum had talked about wanting to be a grandmother pretty much as soon as her youngest child reached adult hood.

If I had told her I was pg two weeks before one of my siblings was getting married she may have struggled to keep the focus on that sibling. I know I would have waited. As I said up thread, every family is different.

DappledThings · 04/06/2025 14:57

rosemarble · 04/06/2025 14:29

Telling is different to announcing because you know how excited someone will be.
I had the first grandchild in our family. My Mum had talked about wanting to be a grandmother pretty much as soon as her youngest child reached adult hood.

If I had told her I was pg two weeks before one of my siblings was getting married she may have struggled to keep the focus on that sibling. I know I would have waited. As I said up thread, every family is different.

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I really don't understand what this means. What focus is needed on the sinling that would be given to the other one? Does someone getting married expect daily phone calls for 2 weeks to check how the wedding plans are progressing and are those impacted by someone also being excited about a pregnancy?

Is it about the day itself that the sibling getting married expects to be looked at and talked about the entire time? That the grandmother to be wouldn't be able to "focus" on this task and would be unable to stop herself asking the pregnant sister if she's OK every 10 minutes or something?

I can't imagine a situation where any of these things are remotely plausible.

Motheroffive999 · 04/06/2025 17:03

Please do it after . Say 3 weeks after or if the couple are going on honeymoon a few days after they are back.
Congratulations!!!

Harry12345 · 04/06/2025 17:19

DappledThings · 04/06/2025 14:57

I really don't understand what this means. What focus is needed on the sinling that would be given to the other one? Does someone getting married expect daily phone calls for 2 weeks to check how the wedding plans are progressing and are those impacted by someone also being excited about a pregnancy?

Is it about the day itself that the sibling getting married expects to be looked at and talked about the entire time? That the grandmother to be wouldn't be able to "focus" on this task and would be unable to stop herself asking the pregnant sister if she's OK every 10 minutes or something?

I can't imagine a situation where any of these things are remotely plausible.

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Yeah it’s so strange, so happy there’s no competition or jealousy with my siblings or anyone else, I could not give a crap if someone told people they were pregnant 2 weeks before I get married! What sort of attention are people needing? Very cringe for adults

ByTicklishGreenEagle · 04/06/2025 17:25

Kittycat02 · 03/06/2025 08:26

I’ve just found out we are expecting, and have had an early scan (8weeks). My brother gets married in 2 weeks time, so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding. It’s only a small wedding with parents and siblings so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family and I know how excited they are going to be!
AIBU to announce it before his wedding or should I wait until afterwards?

Congratulations!!! Yea I'd leave telling family until after DB wedding.....

CinnamonBuns67 · 04/06/2025 17:35

Firstly congratulations but leave it until after and let your brother and his wife to be have their day. You don't have to pretend not to drink, just don't drink I very much doubt anyone will notice as attention will be on bride and groom. If anyone does happen to notice just say you don't feel like drinking, you don't have to tell anyone why.

CuriousMoe · 04/06/2025 17:39

Leave it until after the wedding I would say. My Brother and sister in law announced their pregnancy shortly before our wedding and I silently seethed. In light of the huge extravaganza of a wedding we had, in hindsight it was unreasonable and I am glad I didn't cause a fuss at the time because it would have been silly, but honestly, save yourself the potential drama... you don't want to deal with that during early pregnancy stages.

dangalf · 04/06/2025 17:46

Could you tell him and ask him if he would be ok with you saying beforehand?

LemonQuoter · 04/06/2025 18:08

NYSea · 03/06/2025 09:07

This is peak precious behaviour that I cannot relate to. I could not care less if somebody announced their pregnancy before my wedding or during my wedding. I love hearing happy news especially when it is close family or friends.

Of course you can tell your family now. It does not make the wedding any less special. I was not a bridezilla diva though.

My eyes are rolling so much at some of these responses. ‘Let them have their day’. How is telling family you are pregnant not letting a couple have a good wedding day?? Ugh.

This.

100%

Good news is good news

It's just a wedding. Yes, it's a special day but does that mean that all the guests must suspend their lives and joy for one couple?

Some friends got engaged at our wedding, they were tipsy and at a romantic location and he just decided that the time was now. She was nervous to tell us because they were 'stealing our limelight'. But we were overjoyed for them! How could they steal our limelight, I was in the big white dress surrounded by the people I love and their engagement just made things even more lovely. On that day my husband and I were not the only people there who deserved happiness.

So OP you do what you feel is best, you know your family. You shouldn't have to lie about having an 'infection' to hide your wonderful news.

If anyone has a problem, it is their problem and not yours.

lilkitten · 04/06/2025 18:19

MummoMa · 03/06/2025 09:36

I never did. I told people straight away. I didn't feel the need to hide any pregnancy losses though and was comfortable sharing if that happened, so felt no need to wait.

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Me too, I announced my pregnancies as soon as I knew. I lost one of them, and I was glad my friends knew as I could then discuss it with them. The idea of keeping a pregnancy loss secret sounds awful, I lost mine 12 years ago and I still feel it.

lilkitten · 04/06/2025 18:21

As for the drinking aspect, I think it should be pretty easy to find soft drink alternatives, and I'm not sure anyone would notice. I tend to have alcohol-free beer/gin when I'm out

Bianca2003 · 04/06/2025 18:28

I wouldn't say anything that's not fair on your brother.. just let him have his day.. no-one is going to wonder why your not drinking. You could be getting over a cold or had a headache use any excuse but don't tell anyone yet.

Also means when the weddings over you have something else to celebrate!

Keep shhh

RosyDaysAhead · 04/06/2025 18:41

Honestly, I would let my brother know, tell them now, but tell them you aren’t telling anyone else until AFTER the wedding. Let them hold onto that little snippet, that way you can tell people when they are on honeymoon and they can tell people when they get back that they knew before the wedding but kept it quiet because you didn’t want to upstage them. They may decide to tell you to tell people, but at least you will know.

My best friend got engaged at my wedding but had the grace to keep it completely quiet until the next day, and then only told us. Everyone else found out whilst we were on honeymoon. I was absolutely over the moon for them but very pleased that they decided not to share until my day was done.

envbeckyc · 04/06/2025 18:51

Personally I would wait until the 12 week scan to tell people I was pregnant. They can do more detailed checks to confirm the viability of the pregnancy at that stage.

plus the scan pictures are much better at 12 weeks than 8 weeks.

Let people enjoy the wedding, and have their special moment, and at 12 weeks when you announce the pregnancy you will be able to enjoy your moment!

I have always understood announcing a pregnancy or engagement around a close family wedding to be considered inconsiderate.

BeMintSwan · 04/06/2025 19:00

I wouldn't announce it until 12 weeks anyway.