Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

[Kittycat02]

I’ve just found out we are expecting, and have had an early scan (8weeks). My brother gets married in 2 weeks time, so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding. It’s only a small wedding with parents and siblings so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family and I know how excited they are going to be!
AIBU to announce it before his wedding or should I wait until afterwards?

I’d wait until after. I found it relatively easy to not drink before I told people I was pregnant. I had several big drinking events as well! My tactic was to accept alcohol then just hold it not drink and people just assume you’ve had a top up etc. also get your husband to drink some of it too so you have glass at some points too.

I feel short-changed that nobody proposed to their partner during my wedding! I would have genuinely loved that. The more joy the better. I got married almost 25y ago; perhaps times were different then.

this thread also highlights the crazy alcohol culture in this country, and the hold it has over people. All the strategies and advice are bonkers!

Not unreasonable. I think it would be unreasonable to throw a strop as an adult because other family members dare to have a life with milestones too.

A few weeks before is absolutely fine and so what if you get a few congratulations? If that takes the 'shine' away from their wedding day then clearly it isn't going to be much of a wedding day.

Yes, wait. The bride might be understandably upset if it's a big topic of conversation at the wedding.

If people are polite, even if they notice you're pregnant, they won't mention it. Some women know from hormones almost immediately when others are pregnant. Someone picked up on mine literally 2 weeks in.
I have a friend who has systematically "guessed" accurately every pregnancy in our circle from almost the outset. You just can't hide it completely but it's not about being deceitful, it's about not making it the central topic of conversation. They'll be plenty of time for that!

Absolutely tell your family and enjoy the day.
Two weeks apart, the two things are not connected.

Never seen "someone who had a different interpretation of one word I used and then found my disproportionate anger about it amusing" as a definition of troll before but each to their own.

This is rubbish. Many women who are able to procreate are on antibiotics for many reasons. I have been on antibiotics recently and I am certainly not pregnant. If you genuinely assume someone's pregnant due to antibiotics you just be quite shallow.

But she is talking about close family - she says she wants to tell her parents and siblings. I think some people think she's going to be making a speech where she declares her pregnancy to hundreds of wedding guests, but she says: 'It’s only a small wedding with parents and siblings so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family'

It’s absolutely ridiculous isn’t it? I met my friends baby at my wedding, he was only 3 weeks old and my other friend had just had her 12 week scan the morning of it! I asked her how it went and still managed to enjoy my wedding! Imagine that!

A friend of mine encouraged her sister to announce in similar circumstances because she was getting anxious at the idea of being the centre of attention on her wedding day. She said it helped take the pressure off her!

I don't think you need any complicated strategy for avoiding drinking. It's so commonplace these days.

I'd probably wait. This thread demonstrates that people have really different views on 'stealing thunder' when it comes to weddings, so play it safe. I get that you're super excited to announce it, but leave it for another gathering/moment.

The not drinking thing is just not a biggie these days. Have a glass of wine poured if you like, then just ignore it and sip water. Don't start banging on about toothache or antibiotics - no one really does that unless it's to Not Be Pregnant.

Don't tell anyone so early. It's far too likely to end badly. 1 in 4 end very naturally before 12 weeks because pregnancy is pretty difficult for nature to get right every time. You're setting yourself up for disappointment as well as pissing off the wedding party.
There's tons of reasons why people would skip drinks.

It’s a while since I was pregnant but I thought if you’ve seen a heart beat the risk of miscarriage decreases hugely. OP has had an early scan.

Why have you quoted my post??

Depends when you’re seeing the heartbeat - if you’re seeing the heartbeat at 6 weeks you’re still in fragile territory. I MC few days after this.
Anyway, we digress.

OP had her scan at 8 weeks. I'd say it's now more unlikely she will miscarry.

Even if she did, it's only close family who she'd be telling anyway and may need their support.

eight weeks is still very early in your pregnancy i wouldn’t announce before 12 weeks to ensure pregnancy is valid before making everyone happy and taking away lime light

I'm surprised so many people think it's an issue. Especially if it's a small family wedding.
But since I appear to be in the minority of thinking it's probably OK (bridezilla and/or groomzilla dependant maybe 😜), I'd probably talk to your brother and clue him in and ask if he'd be OK with you telling everyone before. If not, you have your answer.

If not, just tell them you've been feeling a bit unwell and don't feel like drinking.
Don't say antibiotics. Everyone thinks pregnancy when a woman says that.

I'm honestly shocked so many people think it's stealing thunder, or worse tacky I've just read!

Congratulations by the way!!

@SouthLondonMum22 Yes it’s less likely but still possible and happens a lot - one glance at the MC forums will tell you as such. A heartbeat at 8w is not a guarantee of a baby in 9m.

perhaps our interpretation of who will be in receipt of the ‘announcement’ is different. OP didn’t say just parents etc, she said people who will be at the wedding (albeit small).

To, me it’s unnecessary to make an ‘announcement’ to whole wedding party at 8-10 weeks because you won’t be drinking at an event, there’s ways around this however it’s her prerogative of course if she’d like to tell people early.

I think the best advice has been to speak to brother and SIL first and gather their thoughts on it.

Keep it quiet now and at the wedding. Anything else is hogging the limelight. No one will be watching what you drink. Just have sparkling water in a wine/champagne glass and celebrate their time. Not wise to announce until after 12 weeks anyway.

Let them have their special day. If anyone asks what you are drinking, not sure they would, say you are driving/on antibiotics etc.

I never said it was a guarantee but it is true that seeing a heartbeat at 7-8 weeks does reduce the risk by quite a bit.

OP says close family. They are likely people who would know if OP miscarried anyway.

Please don’t . Pretty much everyone will think less of you for trying to steal their limelight.

Do not announce it, you will steal their thunder.

I had the same happen to me just before my brother’s wedding. No-one noticed I wasn’t drinking- I just took one but didn’t drink it, or drank something that looked like a spirit and a mixer. The most frustrating thing was we had difficulty getting taxis home at the end of the night and I could have driven but didn’t because it would have given the game away. I told DM I was pregnant once DB & SIL had left for their honeymoon.