To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

[Cafeshops]

DS is finishing Year 1 in school, he is best friends with another little boy since reception. Despite efforts the boys mother has shown no interest in playdates etc, ive invited her to the park twice and also to a local child disco. Her responses are usually friendly but just stating she's busy.
That's all fine, I know people have busy lifes but ive noticed recently she's ignoring me at events and almost being rude. Ive passed her a few times on school drop off and she usually avoids eye contact, we were recently at a kids sports event our kids were attending and she walked round behind the pitch to sit on the opposite side from me, no hello or acknowledgement. I did go over and say a quick hello, she was cordial but I wouldn't say friendly. Another school event she basically walked past me and sat with another group and I noticed she came over to a few people to chat briefly during the event but ignored me, despite me sitting not very far from others she spoke with. My DS is quite keen on this other boy and they would be close in school according to the teacher.
AIBU to feel sad about this? Im not sure what else I can do without coming across as full on as she clearly doesn't want even a friendly relationship with me despite seeming friendly with lots of other school mums from the class.

Totally agree with your post. It’s definitely the school bully type that reigns over the clique.

But she isn’t talking to everyone else except the OP. She just is talking to a group of other mums she is friends with. It could be 2-3 people. She isn’t walking around talking to every single person in the playground and singling out the OP by specifically blanking her. I mean most people arrive at an event, see their friends and walk over to them. How on earth does that mean you are excluding anyone?

It’s been almost a year since this woman engaged with OP and she’s likely forgotten all about her. Why would she talk to her? I’m really struggling to understand why the OP is still watching the poor woman and evidently trying to get her attention 11 months after they last spoke.

Ah, one of the mums at my son's school is like this. I have no idea what her problem with me is, but she definitely goes out of her way to avoid having to speak to me. I always smile and say hi. It's weird but I don't really care - I just let her get on with it.

When I turn up at the gates, I say hello to everyone - there are many ways to do this - with a smile, making eye contact, lifting a hand - you can say hello simply with your eyes and a head nod. But yes, I do greet everyone (including Grandparents, Au pairs/Nannies, Aunts and Uncles) as I'm heading in, as I do to the children also heading in. It takes no extra effort and is not 'exhausting'. You don't do it to make sure no one is offended, you just do it because that's the right way to behave in a social setting, with the same people you meet day after day.

You have over exaggerated every single tiny detail the OP added. The OP is clearly not a stalker and it's truly weird that you are trying to make out that she is based on a handful of examples the OP put down in her first post that have occurred over a 12mth period. Why you're intent on trying to make out like she is - is neither constructive nor helpful and it doesn't add anything useful to the conversation more broadly.

You've attacked the OPS self-esteem in a malicious rather than helpful way, and you make grand statements about how the OP is 'watching' this woman - rather than the reality where she is observing a change of energy from the woman. Something the more level headed people are helping the OP to navigate constructively.

It's fine for people to have different points of view - your view on people meeting up with friends at a school sport event is not entirely without merit - had you put it across in a supportive way that may have added to the conversation - but your input and attitude towards the OP is coming from a place where your intention is to simply debase her and there's just no reasonable grounds for that.

Why would I lie about such a small thing on an anonymous forum of all places..... do you mean no one wants to be your friend because you make snide little digs like that to people 🤣🤣🤣 whatever makes you feel better about yourself aye

Debased her ?
I was referring to other people on the thread egging the Op on by saying the usual nasty things -she's mean/ unpleasant/ a bitch , all the usual awful things women say about other women and pointing out if these women are so bad then it's not healthy to chase them, it's usual to give them a wide berth, therefore it's unlikely her actions are malicious.

The Op herself has stated she watches this woman
On the school run
At a sports match
At a social event
Her words not mine

Change of energy?
They have exchanged 3 texts 11 months ago

Well you must either have a tiny school or more time than me
I would not have the time or the energy to greet 100 plus people morning or afternoon

There now you can jump off your high horse

Thank you, I can only imagine how @FeatherDawn conducts herself at social events. I am obviously not stalking this woman and its only due to recent social events ive even noticed her rudeness. The school run I pass a handful of people on the way in or out and would always greet/nod to anyone I know. I dont pass the entire classes parents on one walk in and out. Ive noticed this lady avoiding eye contact which I found rude. My original post was really due to me feeling a bit sad and confused why she is being rude.

I do appreciate the positive replies and shared stories. Its unfortunate there are some posters determined to make me feel worse and like im some sort of stalker. Our kids are in the same class, after school club and sporting event, so I dont think its much to expect that another parent acts kindly. As others have said I'll not make any effort going forward with her and focus on the friendly parents

@FeatherDawn you are completely missing most of what ive said. You are not contributing anything positive to this thread and im not sure why you are focusing your energy on this when you're being quite negative, critical and rude. Please don't feel you need to continue your time and energy on my thread. Ive received a lot of helpful and kind replies from other posters which ive appreciated.

OP, you’ve tried, she doesn’t want to be friends, I would just give up.

She’s not being rude, she is just asserting her boundaries and spending time how she wants to.

we were recently at a kids sports event our kids were attending and she walked round behind the pitch to sit on the opposite side from me, no hello or acknowledgement. I did go over and say a quick hello, she was cordial but I wouldn't say friendly.

If you noticed she walked to avoid saying hello to you, why on earth would you then go over to her?

You need to value your worth more and stop making effort with people once they’ve shown you they don’t want to reciprocate.

In your shoes, I would just ignore her. If she says hello, say hello back but don’t go out of your way to acknowledge her.

I maybe phrased it slightly wrong, i didn't cross the pitch to go over and speak with her, a lot of people were milling about the outside as there was a coffee stand etc, I was with my toddler and trying to keep them busy we walked around the outside a few times, when we walked past her I said a quick hello as I did for other parents I know from the class as I feel thats an appropriate thing to do. Im now reflecting back on several recent events were she has been consistently rude.

I suppose DS is our first child in school and felt it was right to make an effort with other parents for him to spend time with his friends outside of school too. Im not necessarily looking for friendship I work quite a stressful job and have a nice group of friends outside of the school mums. My point really was that she was being overtly rude to me without much reasoning why when our kids are close friends. Oh well at least I can say I tried!

I don’t think you did anything wrong op.

She may have reasons and they may have more to do with her than you.

I see, in that case, I can see why you said hello. I’m like you, it’s been ingrained in me to say hello.

I think you’ve been friendly enough and now it’s time to take a step back and treat her like a vague acquaintance.

It might not matter that time has passed. She could have formed an impression of you and is worried that even a simple hello will cause conversations (and invitations) to start up again.

I try to be friendly and make friends too, but I think that it’s also important to pick up on the signals that other people are sending you. Match their energy.

Thank you for your helpful post @ChocolateFairy25 it seems you haven't really read my further messages before you put up such a nasty comment. From your attitude I can't imagine you being pleasant to anyone quite frankly. I haven't called her a bully or anything cruel. Ive agreed with others that she is socially inept based on her behaviour. As I have already stated numerous times, I am not looking to be her friend just some civil behaviour. Also I am educated, clearly you need to brush up on your own education before you criticise others, its you're not your, no-one not none etc don't call other people uneducated if you cant spell simple words.
Also you have no idea of my work hours or when I have free time.

"How anyone can be wrapped up in this small world garbage.'

Says the person whose not even experiencing it and has never met either party - just a person on the internet who can express free will and scroll on but to which they themselves 'get so wrapped up in it' they take time to write paragraphs with an overly angry response - complete with capitals and multiple ?!?!?!?!

Haven’t read it all but I’m guessing this woman doesn’t like you and doesn’t want you to be part of her group? I’ve come across some very cliquey school mums. I don’t understand why they’re like it, but it’s best off leaving them to it imo.

I felt better after I eventually met some more like minded people but the ones I got on with weren’t usually part of the ‘in’ crowd so it’s harder to find them. I’d encourage some other friendships / play dates for your dc so he’s not upset about missing out on extra time with this friend.

Another post full of spelling mistakes @ChocolateFairy25
Why are you up at 11pm scrolling and commenting on this thread? No work for you tomorrow then im guessing? We have regular playdates with other children both inside and outside school.
I don't understand why you continue to post unhelpful and nasty comments on my thread. I have reported you and hopefully you get banned

You send paragraphs of angry and in parts unreadable, incomprehensible drivel but attacking the OP nonetheless and then say the OPs reply back to you is 'disgusting'.

Then attack the OP for being online at the same time you are 😂for 'attacking someone she doesn't know'

The hypocrisy lives here!

Thank you!!!
@ChocolateFairy25 posts have been unkind and unhelpful, she really needs to get to sleep!

But why does a mum you don't have a relationship with have to be anything towards you? She's not going to school to socialise she's going to pick her child up. Me personally I would be polite because I'm like that-but your trying to dictate how she should behave towards you just cause your kids are friendly?it's a bit full on you not think?

Cafeshosp again very petty and spiteful behaviour just because someone like 52 per cent of other people don't agree with you. Big difference between 11pm and writing a whole post about someone at 12.30am and engaging in alot of bashing of the other person. I don't think that you can see outside yourself and your own opinion and you were hoping to validate that here and irrelevant of the majority thinking UABU you have continued to call this woman socially inept just because she doesn't entertain you. I have seen you take no opinion other than your own and your followers on board and shoukd I be banned for staying that then MN is clearly not what it claims to be. I have a right to an opinion as do you, I just wouldn't be looking to validate normal behaviour by attacking someone else and making myself look innocent, which is what you are doing, if you don't want the honest feedback don't ask.

Not at all, I'm literally confused why she isn't polite at events and school runs.
Im not talking friendship or socialising just basic politeness.
I think people have misunderstood and not read further posts. I haven't asked her to socialise since last year, im more confused why she is being down and out rude and avoiding being even friendly.
Ive had too many nasty posters on this thread now who seem out to make others feel bad- probably school bullies themselves- I don't think there's any more advice to be given.
I'll keep my distance and reflect her behaviour back

What a nasty person you are. Actually a bit of a bully yourself.