DD unwell, had to take a day off, works reaction..

[Raincloud997]

I am a single parent and have limited childcare. My DD is in reception and was unwell today so couldn't go back in to school today after the half term. I had to ring up. My manager sounded very annoyed on the phone and said they have other staff off too, said she is struggling for cover and that I really must try and make it in tomorrow and that someone else will have to look after my DD. She also sighed before putting down the phone. I don't have a lot of time off at all, this is the first time its happened and my contract states they allow for emergency parental leave but her reaction has got me worried and I don't think I have childcare for tomorrow if she is no better by morning. What would ou do?

You're entitled to reasonable emergency leave. Different employers and situations will have different benchmarks.

E.g. if you're a single parent woth no support, fine for you to be off. If you have a husband, he needs to take a turn if there is no childcare alternative (assuming obviously we are talking about a runnof the mill cold and a day off scool and not urgent inpatient treatment)

Eta - appreciate you are a single parent, that was just an example of circs.

Eta AGAIN (soz) if I had no alternatives e.g. grandparents, I'd hold firm for parental leave. Not sick or annual.

Op big hugs. I’ve been in a similar situation & it’s sooo stressful!
Ultimately if your dd is ill, you just have to put her first don’t you?! What other option do you have!? I would try not to feel guilty about that - especially if you’ve not had much time off. Obviously apologise etc but explain she’s poorly, needs you as her mum & you have no other childcare options available.

Is there anyone who can have dd? If not then what does your manager expect to you do? Magic up a nanny? Bring your sick kid into work with you? Leave her home alone?

It’s not ideal but it’s life and if they’re a good employer they should understand.

It is normal to be expected to try to find some other childcare for run of the mill illnesses. Can your ex do a day? Do you have the funds to book a babysitting service like Koru / sitters / etc? Or is there any work you could do from home to be useful while not fully present? You can use the emergency parental leave, but trying to minimise how much time you take is a fair expectation from employers.

I wouldn't read too much into her sighing, she told you that a bunch of people are off, she's having a really shitty day with a lot to sort out. Don't take her stress reaction personally unless she actually creates an issue when you return to work.

Let's hope she was just expressing her frustration and anxiety. Not very professional though and would make you feel bad.

I was a manager for a short while - I hated it! People would call in sick at 7am every day and I'd have to wake people up on their days off and beg them to come in. If 3 people called in sick it was really hard not to express frustration to the third, even though I knew it was not their fault and they were perfectly entitled to do so. I was a shit manager!

Don't fret too much OP - she'll get over it.

I wouldn't expect to get more than a day or 2 or emergency parental leave. You would need to then make alternative arrangements (babysitter etc) or take annual leave. Can you work from home at all? Hope your DD will get well soon!

Look after your dc and don’t feel guilty.

Sometimes people can be so quick to say ‘hire a babysitter’ like you’d want to leave your child with a stranger when they’re not well.

If you don’t do this regularly then yanbu and work will have to deal with it.

What is your job role?

Staff taking time off to look after small children is a cost of doing business, they should have a contingency so they can cope with staff having a couple of days off unexpectedly.

What if you'd gotten ill? What if you'd injured yourself?

They'd need to cover it wouldn't they. It's part of being a manager.

Well, they will need to cover that. OP isn't immune from becoming ill. The point with the emergency leave is that it isn't preventable, but people are genuinely expected to get back to work as soon as they can, so that first day off involves trying to get childcare. We haven't heard yet if OP has tried babysitters.

Who's going to leave their sick child with an unknown babysitter? Illness is part of the cost of a business, sometimes you just have to take time off and they need to arrange cover.

Find a babysitter? For a sick child? Like that’s easy. Managers could have told me to find someone when my kids were little but there was no-one. Ex DP did his share, but there were times I had to be off. They were once excluded from school and nursery for 5wks, in the time before home working was the norm. But they were excluded on public health grounds, so what can you do? It was a nightmare. These days it would be so much easier as i’d just work at home, but obviously not all jobs can have home working.

I’m really surprised that people think you should just find a babysitter to have your kids for 8-10 hours whilst you go to work. I’ve never used a baby sitter so absolutely no way I’d be leaving my dc with a stranger for a prolonged period of time at such short notice. Even more so when they’re ill. I’d just take the parental leave if I couldn’t wfh.

Oh dear. What an unsupportive response from your boss. No wonder it made you feel bad.
You sound like you can't find anyone else to look after your DD, and anyway why would you when your DD needs her mum when she is ill.
You have a dependent.
I hate the way so many work bosses trivialise and get irritated by parents needing time off work when their young children are ill. If you were in your 50s or 60s and called your boss to say you are a carer for your dependent and infirm husband who cannot look after himself, that he has other people to care for him whilst you are at work, but that he is ill so you need to stay at home to care for him, you would not have been met with this response from your boss.
If DD is still too unwell to go in to school today, phone up and say you're not coming in because she's ill. End of. Take it as parental leave or annual leave. You can't be sacked for this.
Don't send DD in before she's ready to go back. She is your priority here.
When you return to work, put in a formal complaint about the response from your boss. It was completely unprofessional.

all these suggestions to find a babysitter (likely a stranger as the OP has no support network to fall back on) for a sick child. I mean do people really do this? esp when the child is ill???

Don't overthink it, op. You are entitled to emergency leave if a dependent is ill. It's likely only unpaid but it happens. Don't sweat it esp if it's a one off.

I genuinely wouldn't know where to begin getting a babysitter that could look after a sick child at short notice, and that I'd be comfortable with. Friends and family all working.

If you can work from home, albeit distracted, that might be something you can offer, OP. Or offer to bring her to work if she's not contagious. I'm not sure what else you can do. Yes it's irritating for your manager but that's her problem not yours and dealing with these things is part of her job.

that is unfortunate she sighed but it sounds like she is entitled to sigh with other people off sick as well
take it on the chin op

Big hugs OP, this is one of the most stressful situations. All I would say is family first and keep that in mind. Your manager would ultimately do the same and if she wouldn't then more fool him/her.

Agreed! It's such a bizarre suggestion and such an emotionally detached response.
What kind of person thinks that you can
A) magic up an available 'on the day' babysitter
and
B) leave your sick child with an adult stranger they've never met before and think that's ok?

Bizarre.

Are there really just babysitters who are free in the middle of the day and would look after an ill child? Even if OP wanted to do this I’d be amazed if they exist.

I understand you feeling that your daughter is your priority, however you do also have a responsibility toward work - your boss probably shouldn't have sighed, but I can understand her perspective too. Depending on how ill DD is you're possibly expected to sort out childcare. Hope DD feels better soon.

Long term manager here. Of course you need to take time off to look after your sick child. Who on earth signs up to look after an ill child unless they are a parent? Also sick children need their parents and in this situation that’s got to be you. Don’t feel guilty. Prioritise your daughter.

How long have you worked there out of interest? Is anything particular going on today that makes things especially challenging for your manager to find cover?

I find these threads interesting. who can magically find a random babysitter !? … especially one willing to look after a sick (possibly contagious) child ? A stranger , caring for your unwell child- probably not going to happen. I feel that there needs to be a bit more compassion / understanding for others and some common sense.

What an unprofessional reaction from your boss. They spoke to you like you are a child in trouble and they are disappointed. There is literally nothing you can do in this situation. If your dd is ill again tomorrow you will need to be off again.

I work part time and we were very lucky ds never got ill on a work day. But when I was seriously ill dh had to take emergency parental leave to have ds. I think he got a few days and then used annual leave or flexi for the school runs and for about 4 months he had to work from home. Even now 7 months on he works from home 80% of the week.

No she is not entitled to sigh down the phone at the OP!
It's not the OP's problem that other employees are off sick. As a manager, you treat each individual staff member's reason for being off of work on their own circumstances. You don't apportion guilt by sighing and telling them you've already got other team members off.
If I had an employee call me to say their 4 or 5 year old DD was ill so they couldn't come in to work, I would simply thank them for letting me know, wish their DD better soon, and ask them to keep in touch to update me on when to expect them back. I wouldn't even mention that other people were off sick. Its irrelevant to the OP's reason for calling in. As a manager, you shoulder that stress. It's what you're employed as a manager and paid accordingly for. You don't burden employees with it. I would also inform someone about how many days they were entitled to take as parental leave and advise that after that ends, if they are still off, we can then look at annual leave, or unpaid leave, or making the hours back up. I would reassure a mother in this situation and say concentrate on looking after your DC and we'll work it out when you get back.
The OP should file a complaint on the grounds that her manager made her feel guilty and burdened by providing an unprofessional and unsupportive response to what is a legal entitlement.