DD unwell, had to take a day off, works reaction..

[Raincloud997]

I am a single parent and have limited childcare. My DD is in reception and was unwell today so couldn't go back in to school today after the half term. I had to ring up. My manager sounded very annoyed on the phone and said they have other staff off too, said she is struggling for cover and that I really must try and make it in tomorrow and that someone else will have to look after my DD. She also sighed before putting down the phone. I don't have a lot of time off at all, this is the first time its happened and my contract states they allow for emergency parental leave but her reaction has got me worried and I don't think I have childcare for tomorrow if she is no better by morning. What would ou do?

Whilst I sympathise with the OP, and in her shoes would do as she did, the responses here are largely based on quicksand - there is a vast difference between sympathy and the law.

I hate the way so many work bosses trivialise and get irritated by parents needing time off work when their young children are ill.
They are employers. Their role is to employ people who come into work and work. Childcare needs, illness etc may be unavoidable, but that does not get the work done. Your priority as a parent may be your child. Their priority as an employer is the work being done.

If you were in your 50s or 60s and called your boss to say you are a carer for your dependent and infirm husband who cannot look after himself, that he has other people to care for him whilst you are at work, but that he is ill so you need to stay at home to care for him, you would not have been met with this response from your boss.
Of course you would. Why on earth would you think it makes a difference? If anything employers are often less sympathetic towards carers for adults.

Take it as parental leave or annual leave
You need to ask for annual leave in advance and you cannot take it if it is refused. Parental leave must be taken in full weeks, unpaid and must be applied for in advance. Emergency parental leave is time off to make arrangements for your child's care, such as taking them to the doctor or making other care arrangements. It is not for childcare.

You can't be sacked for this.
Of course you can. It is unlikely if you have more than two years employment, and probably unlikely if you have less than two years and do not have a poor attendance record, but it is irresponsible to state that someone cannot be dismissed. Especially with less than two years employment it is relatively easy to dismiss somebody.

It is all very well saying an employer is unsupportive, being unreasonable etc. It is all very well saying to prioritise the child. Those are all opinions. They might be the majority opinions. But they are not the law. The manager was wrong to show her frustration about the circumstances, but she has, on technical grounds, done nothing wrong.

Absolutely this.

And as we all know, HR are there for the company not the employee and will side with the Manager.

No proof the Manager sighed, OPs word against the Manager.

It’ll ultimately do the OP no good in this situation.

I agree with this

Not true illness of a dependent is classed as an emergency parental situation. Obviously not infinite but a day or two is definitely covered if there are no other options.

“I don’t have a lot of time off at all”

how much time have you had off? For what?

@Pandasandelephants has it nailed

You are going to get a lot of validation and sympathy on this thread, but the reality is that if you take time off work every time your DD is too ill to go to school then you will lose your job. You say it’s the first time it has happened, how long have you been in the role? If it’s less than two years you are very vulnerable as they can get rid of you for no reason.

First time Op has had to have off for DD

but not first time off. Hence my question.

As always, the devil is in the detail!

No, she really isn't. A half way decent manager knows that on occasion these things happen, the law allows staff time off when they do, and that the ramifications for the rota are a management responsibility. While she may feel highly frustrated at the inconvenience, she knows well its within her job description to deal with it, hence receiving a higher salary than people she manages.

Their lack of staff is not your problem.

“On occasion these things happen”

things the first time the op has had time off for her dd but not first time off.

if “things happen” frequently, I can understand a sigh!

Kind of is … if this small company goes down the drain this the op is out of a job

Who honestly hires a babysitter when their child is unwell?

Emergency leave is just that, first day of sickness. Subsequent child sickness days (for run of the mill self limiting illnesses) are not emergencies so employers expect parents to have plans in place to cover or take annual leave. Employers vary in flexibility but ultimately your childcare issues aren’t their responsibility

No. It's not.

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

You can take time off for illness of a dependent.

Their lack of planning for such events as illness is legally not the OPs problem.

People that suggest koru kids etc amaze me. Would you just leave your kid with someone you have never met before and trot off to work???? Especially when child is poorly.

I don't get any parental leave paid. When kids are sick me and DH take in turns to cover and have to use either AL or unpaid leave.

Your kids are sick. There's not much you can do other than the above. The fact other peoples kids are sick/they are off is not your problem

🙄

I didn’t mean in a literal or legal sense!

But common sense…. If a small business can’t operate… it will go down the drain. It would be the Op’s problem then

Exactly. Lots of babysitters also wouldn't agree to look after sick children. They're babysitters not nurses.

You can say all sorts of things like they want their mums but the plain hard truth is that if you take a lot of time off with sick children you might find yourself without a job. If you were weighing up redundancies, would you pick the person who has support systems for childhood illnesses or the person who is regularly off work when their child is sick? I think for most business owners it would be a no-brainer.

As for those saying babysitters won’t look after ill kids, yes they do, in fact I’ve babysat for my neighbours when their dc was sick and they couldn’t miss work as have my dc (adult, unemployed at the time). It’s about finding a plan b & c. All parents have to

Your manager sounds unprofessional. She gets paid more than you because it's part of her job to deal with things like staff being off sick/with other emergency responsibilities.

It's not appropriate for her to tell you other employees are off sick.

I’d have to be very very close to my neighbours to leave my sick young child in their sole care all day

I'm a manager and I agree with all of this.

I normally am very sympathetic and accommodating, but also not perfect, and sometimes the stress of having multiple people in your team off sick and unable to fulfil commitments does get to you. It isn't discrimination to be human and for it to get to you from time to time, just as it isn't unreasonable to take the occasional bit of time off for a genuinely sick child. And when you have someone in your team who is calling in a lot, it can get frustrating and difficult to show the same level of sympathy when it's happening frequently, so I do wonder if there's some context to OP's situation as to why the manager was less able to contain her frustration this time.

Managers can't expect workers to never have stuff they need to deal with at home, but people also can't be naive enough to think that frequent unplanned absence won't matter to their manager or team.

We have had a situation where someone's children were sick often - nothing serious, just the usual colds, sore throats, coughs, etc - but it caused so much short notice absence and caused them to take so much unpaid leave it wasn't tenable for them to continue in the role. We ended up moving them to a role where they weren't going out on customer sites to pre booked appointments and they could WFH, therefore less disruptive when the children were ill. So yes, there are mechanisms to deal with someone whose home situation is incompatible with the needs of the job.

Neighbourly casual babysitting which OP might not have access to is different from hiring a babysitter from an agency.

Lots of agencies won't agree if the child has a contractable illness. They may agree if it's mild like a cold but if the child only has a mild illness then they would be in school.

I know this, because I've been in this situation as someone without a village to rely on.

You have a lot of privilege if you have a plan A B and C.