DD unwell, had to take a day off, works reaction..

[Raincloud997]

I am a single parent and have limited childcare. My DD is in reception and was unwell today so couldn't go back in to school today after the half term. I had to ring up. My manager sounded very annoyed on the phone and said they have other staff off too, said she is struggling for cover and that I really must try and make it in tomorrow and that someone else will have to look after my DD. She also sighed before putting down the phone. I don't have a lot of time off at all, this is the first time its happened and my contract states they allow for emergency parental leave but her reaction has got me worried and I don't think I have childcare for tomorrow if she is no better by morning. What would ou do?

How about if she’s a medical professional? Would you be ok with your appointment being cancelled because the dentist was at home looking after their kid? Thought not. Not all jobs are easily filled or wfh.

How do you meet the babysitter in advance if you have no idea when the child will be will and when you need support. Do you think they all sit around waiting for someone's child to get ill and keep their diary clear??? some people really live in a parallel universe

Presumably after a certain point she'll have to take the time off unpaid. Sorry, ETA that the original quote said unpaid. I missed that. She obviously can't just leave a sick child.

As an employer, I have been known to (after I've put the phone down) sigh at another sick call, because it is disruptive.

I know there's nothing that can be done about it. It's natural, especially when you've got kids. It's just a cost of employing people. It's not like many businesses can have spare people milling around underworked to step into the breach.

That doesn't make it any the less frustrating when you're understaffed.

I hope OP's DC feels better today, and I hope her manager takes a bit more of an understanding tone if she does need to call in again.

What overnight? The morning of? No.

No one I know would ever do this. I wouldnt hire one for anything let alone when ill

You'd never know that was the reason

And I would stand by the dentist on their decision to stop at home than hire a random, unknown person to look after their ill dc

It's all very well to say have back up childcare...but from my experiences - and I say this as a single parent of 2DC (eldest being 18 now!) - most childcare settings will not take a child who is poorly...they certainly didn't when my DC were younger.

My DC went to nursery, CM, and once they started school, used the school wraparound care and holiday clubs. I also used the Sitters website to cover weekend shift work. I had childcare sorted for most eventualities (plus back up stuff), but none of the places/settings I used would take the children if they weren't well (maybe things are different now?). A live-out nanny wasn't an option due to cost. A live in nanny/au pair also wasn't an option due to me having no spare room for them (and also cost!). If I had the money/a spare room in the house, a live-in nanny would have been ideal due to my shifts. FWIW, I'm a B6 nurse on a very acute ward- and I am not able to WFH. I do wish this was an option to cover management stuff (like audits, incident reports, appraisals, Teams meetings etc), but it isn't possible in my Trust (not for the likes of me anyway!).

My friends (who live locally) all work FT and have their own families - although, friends/colleagues and I do take turns to look after each other's DC if our shifts are different (but you can't always rely on that). My family is mostly overseas. My parents are both dead. My XH is/was not fit to look after the DC unsupervised (he's an alcoholic). My neighbours are retired but have underlying health issues. Who should then look after my DC when they're ill? My youngest is 11, and now can be left home alone for a few hours in the day (I do let neighbours know and she knows to call them/me if any problems), but I wouldn't leave her home alone if she was ill. My eldest would watch my youngest from when he was about age 14/15 (but again, I wouldn't leave him to watch her if she was ill). My DC are NT, have no underlying health issues and are responsible kids....so I have it bloody easy compared to many. But even then, it isn't easy if there is no one to watch DC if they're sick. When I help out friends with childcare, I'm flexible, but if the kid has D+V, I can't do it as I risk catching it myself/passing it to my own DC and then I/they would need time off school/work.

Before I had DC, I didn't understand/appreciate the issues that some people often had with finding childcare. Funnily enough, neither did two of my managers (who were bloody nasty to me...until they fell pregnant and asked me about the childcare available in our area for people who do work shifts etc!).

OP, aside from staying home to look after your poorly DD, I don't know what other options would be available, if you have exhausted the other available avenues. Also, I know the childcare options vary massively depending on the area you live in. In 18 years of being a parent - and despite living in an area that has four hospitals in the local vicinity - I found just one setting (CM) that even covered the hours I work on a long day shift (LD shift is 7am to 8pm). And at £220 a day, it wasn't cheap. And aside from my parents (who were retired), there really wasn't anyone who would take my DC if they were sick.

How is your DD this morning? I hope she's feeling better!

Err, yes, I would be okay with it if my dentist had to cancel/ postpone my appointment because they had to look after their sick child. I wouldn’t expect them to book some random last minute babysitter their child never met before.

Have a think. Organise in advance. Or course you don’t know when your child will be sick but you can arrange a support network of paid child carers.

My Dad had a consultant appointment at the hospital cancelled because the consultant booked a holiday!

I've had dentist appointments cancelled because the dentist was sick.

It happens in all walks of life.

Shit happens?! Have you honestly never had a dentist appointment cancelled or a GP appointment moved because of personal reasons? Because I certainly have. I’ve even had them cancelled because the dentist has gone Skiing!

I’d expect my dentist to have a support network to deal with runny nose etc.

You imagine wrong.

Dependant leave is a statutory right. It's unpaid.

It applies to emergency and unexpected situations.

Of course - but I also imagine there’s a time limit for runny nose, tummy bug etc?

How do you organise childcare in advance when you only need it rarely and do not know when you need it. It's bonkers.

This is the best advice on this thread and OP and other posters ignore it at their peril.

No matter what we think is right (and trust me, as a single mum I had years of stress relating to childcare), unless the company handbook/policy/contract of employment states otherwise, we are all open to the employer’s (and possible tribunal’s) interpretation of what is “reasonable”.

My experience is that the statutory leave is indeed aimed at time needed to make emergency arrangements. If you’re lucky, the employer may accept a full day is occasionally required.

People should be aware that unless you are working for a company with clear family friendly policies which would cover you legally, as single parents with no back up we are otherwise extremely vulnerable to being dismissed for attendance issues.

And yes, you would have the right to go to ACAS and on to a tribunal process if you felt aggrieved, but last I checked the tribunal lead time was 18 months and average payouts for unfair dismissal (presuming you have two years’ history) even if you win are a pittance compared to your annual salary.

A tribunal isn’t like a criminal court where beyond reasonable doubt applies. In tribunals, they look at the evidence presented and decide whether an employer has acted in a reasonable way, in line with employment law and their broader company practices.

Unfairly, as a parent with little support you either need a very sympathetic boss, a family friendly employer, or an extremely healthy child to feel secure in your job before you can even think about your own attendance and performance. Alternatives are to frankly find a better employer or back up childcare for emergencies.

My guilt at leaving my poorly DC with a childminder was awful but we both got through it at the end of the day and I kept my job.

The statutory right is for 'reasonable' time off. What this amounts to, depends on the situation.

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

Do you expect single parents to not have a job then? Isn’t it basic thinking to have a support network in place of paid childcare especially if you don’t have family to rely on?

I know it's bizarre how often this is suggested.

This has given me the absolute rage on MN for years …’just phone an emergency babysitter/nanny’ these things don’t exist there is no resource at all for looking after sick children at short notice, ffs, childcare providers send children home to their parents when they are ill, no one wants to be dealing with sick kids.

Even worse was on here during the Covid lockdown people were telling those who were struggling to wfh with toddlers to hire a fucking nanny! Yes we are all locked in our homes with no travel allowed but I’m sure there are exceptions for these unicorn Nannie’s who obviously don’t want to spend lockdown with their own families but would rather break the law by going to live with people they have never met and of course work for free because most people can’t actually afford full time live in Nannie’s.

Where are people meant to magic up a support network from?

Having an ill child on a rare occasion and taking emergency leave doesn't doesn't mean lone parents cannot work. Thank goodness there are statutory rights for parents in such situations which mean that a stranger does not have to be arranged in advance for an unknown date!

How does a parent organise a support network they'll only need 4 or 5 days a year in emergencies? I've never had a social life as a lone parent (time, money, SEN) so never needed a babysitter. They'd have been a total stranger to my young children.

Paid childcare will not look after sick children though it sends them home to parents.