DD unwell, had to take a day off, works reaction..

[Raincloud997]

I am a single parent and have limited childcare. My DD is in reception and was unwell today so couldn't go back in to school today after the half term. I had to ring up. My manager sounded very annoyed on the phone and said they have other staff off too, said she is struggling for cover and that I really must try and make it in tomorrow and that someone else will have to look after my DD. She also sighed before putting down the phone. I don't have a lot of time off at all, this is the first time its happened and my contract states they allow for emergency parental leave but her reaction has got me worried and I don't think I have childcare for tomorrow if she is no better by morning. What would ou do?

I worked for a big organisation with award-winning employee policies. Even so, paid emergency leave for parents/people with dependents only covered the first day of their illness. You were expected to find someone else to look after them for subsequent days or take annual leave or apply for unpaid parental leave. It was also only given for the first day the illness appeared. So if your child was sick on say a Wednesday evening, you couldn't have the Thursday off as parental leave since it would be the second day of illness.

I was a lone parent, but this also caught out couples where one had taken the first day off with the child and the other expected to take the second. Even with different employers, if it was the second day of child's illness, parental leave wasn't granted.

I swear it’s only MN where people frequently suggest inviting strangers into homes to look after kids. I bet they wouldn’t do that for their own DC!

i dont think the op should file a complaint about her manager
that is hardly going to make her become a better manager.
obviously she wasnt very nice i dont disagree

No.
You are completely and utterly wrong.
And I am a senior manager.

Ive been a lone parent for 15 years. I am also a manager of people. I will always say family first to my team. When you go back to work just stride in and pay it no mind. If DC needs to be off again it is what it is. You need to know that it’s ok. It maybe inconvenient for work but that’s just tough. Are you able to WFH in your job? My advice though, be super focussed and productive all the time you are in work, this way your boss will hopefully cut you the slack you need as a single parent.

I do.
I think it might highlight that her manager isn't managing well.

What an unsupportive manager.. Also I just have to laugh at the comments who think anyone other than the parent should look after their sick child who probably wants the comfort of mummy and daddy.. For a start no one in their right mind will want to look after someone else's unwell child, says something about the society we live in really live to work.

My manager let's me take time off for my child, it's unlimited really I can either book annual leave, or work around them from home. They have always said work is important but family comes first.

I had this reaction from a woman boss when DDs werw small. I was so disappointed in the lack of solidarity as she had two older daughters herself. She wondered why I couldn't work from home with a poorly toddler. Because she was clinging to me all day! DH did his bit but sometimes they just want their mums.

but surely it depends on your job - how can they manage with skeleton staff
shut up shop?

The statutory right to unpaid time off for dependants is only ever intended to be for a few hours or a day. The time period is explicitly to allow other arrangements to be put in place. After that, the employee is supposed to make arrangements. Parental leave (there are total limits on this of 18 weeks up to age 18, so it won't cover every single childhood illness) or annual leave are options she can discuss, but the manager in this case indicated aren't ideal.

You can think it's lovely to be home with your child, but when someone commits to a job they need to be aware of statutory rights. Most people split any time off between parents, ask grandparents to help, have known childcare step in etc. OP was clear she didn't have a support network, so that's why she would need "an unknown babysitter"; over time she'll have to come up with something and then the person becomes "known". A friend of mine was in this position with a young baby; it wasn't her fault she didn't have anyone, but that's why she then had to fall back on paid childcare. It's a reason why sites like Childcare, Armyofnannies, Koru, Sitters etc all exist.

Surely to God, no one just calls up pissing babysitting services to get their ill child looked after the next day by some random person? No one does this do they? No job in the world is worth that!!

OP i think your manager was just frustrated with the situation rather than you. If you can't get childcare then that's it. Your dc needs you more. Hope she's OK x

Babysitter comments 😂 yes, excuse me stranger please look after my puking child all day, which you will inevitably then catch, and lose work yourself… so I can go to work

I work for a notoriously crap large company and even I don’t get this kind of grief. Kids come first, tough.

If I was met with this attitude I’d be looking elsewhere. But I’m not in a highly paid or senior role, maybe expectations are different

I also agree. Especially since OP said her daughter is reception age, so quite young.

Unprofessional of your manager although I can understand the frustration if a few are off and it’s going to be tricky arranging cover. It’s not your problem though, you’ve followed the steps you needed to take.
I get 10 emergency carers leave days per year. The only time I’ve had to use any in the years I’ve been there was when my dd was unexpectedly hospitalised for a week. I called and my manager was so kind and lovely, very empathetic and very much of the opinion that family comes first and to put work out of my head and focus on dd. Dh took the following week off when dd was home and needed to be kept an eye on.
Usually Dh will take the time off because he is self employed and has more flexibility but I do really appreciate how supportive my manager was when I needed to use the carers leave. I wasn’t made to feel guilty and wasn’t given a whole load of extra stress.
Hope your dc picks up soon but if you need to be off you need to be off.

Its so stressful isnt it, if you don't have any reasonable alternatives though what can you do? Ive been a parent struggling to manage child sickness/work and also a manager; even though as a manager it makes life harder when people are off at short notice its part of the job to manage. Ive had times its been a real issue but funny enough have managed not to snap and sigh on the phone. Hope your little one is feeling better soon, lots of the suggestions on this thread are really ignorant to what life is like as a single parent.

Leaving a child with a babysitter when they’re ill?! A) impossible) B) not appropriate.

Hope dc is much better today op, but stay strong and don’t feel guilty, it’s not like you’re having fun!! Never forget that your job we make you redundant in a heartbeat if they every wanted to, so don’t ever put too much loyalty to them. In ten years, you won’t regret prioritising your child, but you might regret prioritising your job here.

This is very unprofessional of your boss, stressful and not what you need at all. From your answer I’m assuming your boss has no kids? I also have no support locally and have had to take time off for sick kids. No way would you pay for a babysitter or childcare when your child is sick, firstly no babysitter would want to get sick and childcare providers have strict rules surrounding illness, the only option here would be close family and when kids are sick they want and need their mums or dads. I’d be tempted to raise this with HR as discrimination and poor management. Take as much time off as you need to and with that attitude I’d take an extra day or two, your kids are your priority, work can wait Xxx

I’ve been on both sides and never have reacted as your manager.

My ex would never ever take time off and help. Everything was left to me. No family support estranged.

Which friend doesn’t work? Which friend can come at 6 am and look after a vomiting child.

I did once have an employer that deducted me 1/2 a days pay for leaving 10 minutes (10 minutes) early to pick up a child who had such a high temperature that they had a fit. Then berated me the following day saying I have kids too. Yes his wife didn’t work and looked after them.

You, need to check the policy but try to have a chat and say you won’t take time off unless you need to.

No it's not "lovely" to be home all day with a sick child, but it is necessary. Children should come first always.

I disagree, the manager needs sorting out or dismissing. She should definitely raise this as a complaint when she’s back at work as it is not on at all.

@GRex what paid childcare though? It’s written in policies they will not take a sick child. There will be specifics outlining how long they are excluded for, for which illnesses.

Our nursery listed almost every ailment and how long they were to stay off for. Childminder has a similar contract.

If it’s contagious why should some other poor bugger expect to have that inflicted on them just so somebody else can work.

Eg my mother helps me out with childcare, who also works. Why should she risk getting sick, and then having to be off herself?

Myself and husband take turns, I’ve had to take 4/5 days before more than once, for hospitalisation etc. It’s unpaid dependants leave and I’ve never been told this is only for a few hours / first day

How can she sort out childcare if there’s no one available?
Life happens, children get sick.
Doesn’t mean one should just get a random stranger to look after them if no family available.
In places like Germany or Sweden it’s not considered unusual at all to take time off (not annual leave) when your child is sick.

The statutory right to unpaid time off for dependants is only ever intended to be for a few hours or a day. The time period is explicitly to allow other arrangements to be put in place

What do you suggest people like OP do?

You just stay off until your child is better, unfortunately it’s just the reality of having a small child and you are entitled to emergency leave. I’m shocked at everyone saying you should get a baby sitter for a sick child for 8/10 hours.

Your boss was unprofessional this wouldn’t have happened at my work and I work for a massive “scary” corporate.

I would not complain about the manager to HR. it will Turn a mole hill into a mountain and make you the problem in HR eyes.

Just go back when child is better and don’t worry about. It will be forgotten soon. I’m a single parent too and no way I’d leave a sick reception child with a stranger!