DD unwell, had to take a day off, works reaction..

[Raincloud997]

I am a single parent and have limited childcare. My DD is in reception and was unwell today so couldn't go back in to school today after the half term. I had to ring up. My manager sounded very annoyed on the phone and said they have other staff off too, said she is struggling for cover and that I really must try and make it in tomorrow and that someone else will have to look after my DD. She also sighed before putting down the phone. I don't have a lot of time off at all, this is the first time its happened and my contract states they allow for emergency parental leave but her reaction has got me worried and I don't think I have childcare for tomorrow if she is no better by morning. What would ou do?

Nasty. Why do you bully? Look it up. If it’s not there ask the mumsnet team about it.

Fact based - enjoy the read www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5210601-plumber-left-job-half-done-as-had-to-be-home-for-bedtime

😂 but the thread you linked to isn't about a sick child (or childcare)... even so it has a 50 50 poll.
More fiction from you@buttercrackers

Exactly well said. It very much depends on where you live. In central London neighbours would not look after them even if they are nice, reason they work or are busy themselves! You’re living in a dreamworld

Way to generalise!

The organisations own policy allows it. The individual manager is very inconvenienced so she is being unreasonable.

Obviously this situation is harder now they know she’s ill but could you just lie next time and say you’re unwell? I know it’s cheeky but feels like your DD is going to be an issue for them

Bathtime/bedtime routine is not the same as a sick child. The former can be covered by a childminder, the latter really needs at least one of the parent's attention. That is why the responses were different.

I have some sympathy with the manager. She ought to have kept a cool head and not retaliated with a guilt trip, but if she is under pressure due to being short staffed then emotions can override reason. That is an unfortunate property of being human, we are not Mr Spock.

The real problem we have is the crappy situation in the UK where the cost of living, especially housing, is so high that it is no longer possible to raise a family on one income, unless you are prepared to live somewhere that is regularly on fire. If it were possible to run a household on one income and one parent can stay at home, issues like this are easier to deal with.

Take the time off. Your manager is stressed as others are off if you’d been first to ring in you probably would have had a better reaction.
from a person who used to have a meltdown each time I had to ring in sick please do not be me!
your child needs you that’s your most important job . They can’t dismiss you as it would be unfair dismissal.

maybe an idea … not sure… just thinking aloud …..

when you return, do not rush,
take her a card saying thank you so much for your understanding , I totally appreciate you were under a lot of pressure.
if you want to go further a small cheap bunch of flowers or chocs .

kill with kindness, but also let her remember next time you need to ring in that you were the one that understood her problem and were kind to her .

If that's how she reacts then next time you'll have to tell her you're sick. If there's noone else what are you supposed to do?

Sometimes I worry I’m not a great parent and worry if I have to miss a school assembly because I need to work. Then I log onto Mumsnet and realise people hire strangers to look after their SICK kids and all of a sudden I feel like mum of the year!! My mind is actually blown by this.

I think you are usually expected to make other arrangements after the first day of emergency leave, but if you have no alternative can you take holiday or unpaid parental leave?

So sorry OP, I’m always in the same situation. Hold the line and be really clear what you are entitled to. Don’t let them make you feel bad or guilty. If you need advice, ACAS are really helpful.

it’s tough for any parent; harder still for a single parent. As a manager what helps both pragmatically and in terms of not aggravating me, is the manner in which I am approached. By this I mean whether the person comes with a plan for how to manage their work and how they will get back to work. Obviously, if a child or relative has had a terrible accident I’d expect maximum of a mail or text then incommunicado but for regular childhood coughs and illnesses I’d be expecting the employee to be giving me a plan of how they are going to manage ie any tasks I or someone else needs to pick up, when they will be back etc.

The worst scenario for me is when people call in who I KNOW have a husband/wife/partner that never shares the care and also staff who wait for me to ask how the time will be covered eg holiday, unpaid leave as they hope if they don’t raise this they just get paid anyway.

As someone suggested upthread, as you can’t take parental leave for emergencies, it’s better to use parental leave for planned holidays and a week or so of annual leave to cover sick days. I think there is also something in what a previous poster observed about ease and acceptability of parents taking time off driving the number of days a child is actually off sick. Sure, there are kids with ongoing conditions and times
when kids are really poorly, but both my child’s primary and secondary emphasised that for headaches, colds, minor stomach pains, the child should be sent in. When missing work is super hard anyway, that is another incentive to get the child in.

"She also sighed before putting down the phone."

You've got her bang to rights then! Hope she finds another job soon.

You stay off until your dd is well most employers will be like this if it’s you or family are sick your dd is your no 1 priority and they can’t sack you let the boss huff and puff but your her mum first employee 2nd never forget that they will just have to crack on it’s not like it a life or death matter. Employers piss me off so much when stuff like this happens what do they expect you to do? Kids need parents more when there sick just ignore boss it’s tough shit. These laws were put in place especially for situations like these don’t feel guilty.

Honestly as a manager someone ringing is saying apologies my child was sick during the night and can’t make it in ( reasonable) someone ringing in saying my child is sick today and will be for a week and I won’t be in as I’m a single parent etc ( unreasonable)

as a parent, I think every working parent should have a contingency in place aside from school/nursery. This time you might have to suck it up but perhaps put together a plan for the future.

August1980 What would you suggest as a contingency for a 3 or 5 year old with a D and V bug? Especially for a lone parent with no grandparents around? (And in that case even grandparents are probably not an appropriate option unless very young and fit and not bothered about catching things). There just is no childcare option that works for that situation and that was the reason for most of my children's absences. (Unless possibly a very high earner who already has a live in nanny or something, not sure if they would look after a vomiting child or not as so far away from anyone's experience I know).

@GRexsingle parents don't have a choice about "committing to a job". Under the current draconian benefit rules we have to work virtually as soon as our kids are out of nappies. The public usually cheers on anything that smells of "cracking down" on us. There is a desperate shortage of childcare for well children let alone ill ones. What are we supposed to do? How many people suggesting letting a random stranger into your home and leaving your child with them all day would actually do that? My DS would be terrified.

@lizzyBennet08Im a lone parent and my then 8 year old was hospitalized with pneumonia for a week. My parents are older and vulnerable to illness and were busy caring for my other kids. Should I have just left him there on drips and oxygen and gone to work? Sometimes absence cannot be helped. I hate the modern obsession with presenteeism at all costs.

I think they're might be a bit of deliberate misunderstanding going on. Parents need to build some sort of network and consider childcare. When there is a DH, 2 parents, young fit grandparents, nearby siblings with own kids - will that's easy right, network is right there. Those who have limits on their network need to think over other options. Most of us trial other adults around our kids at other times so that we build a network. Then OP comes along who hasn't done that and wants to know what she's supposed to do. Well, at the point she's backed herself into a corner and needs to think of more options. Presumably she isn't daft and already asked the class whatsapp, neighbours and others for local options etc, which is why I gave links that people might use in a real emergency.

It's not considered legally reasonable to say to your employer "well I'm a lone parent, so I'll just not come to work any day my child is mildly unwell and simply don't care how much inconvenience that causes". Anyone using emergency leave should be able to show an employment tribunal that you actually TRIED to find childcare if the employer rejects parental leave. Don't like booking a DBS checked and qualified stranger? Then build a proper contingency plan where you don't need one! Shrugging shoulders might work this time, but she has minimum 7 more years before her DD can be left at home and she'll find herself jobless if she never bothers to sort this out.

Hospitalisation is very different and anyone would reasonably expect you there. Not the same as a mild temperature or chickenpox.

Even if you're entitled to leave, sadly employers can chalk up scores. It's a sad indictment of poor human behaviour - I feel for your manager because she's trying to run the part of the business she's responsible for, but unless you're customer facing, customers get it. If you're in the services sector though, there is no fall back position for your employer.

Rock and hard place - your duty though is to your child, so try not to worry. You're doing the right thing.