‘You’re NOT allowed to get married again’.

[whataboot]

Somewhat lighthearted but when chatting to a friend a few months ago, she told me that if she was to die first she’d banned her husband from ever marrying again. At first I thought she was joking but no, she was dead (pardon the pun) serious. It turns out that when her mum died, she’d also told her dad that she couldn’t bear the thought of him marrying again either.

As far as I’m concerned, when I’m gone, I’m gone. Obviously I’d expect DH to have a suitably dignified mourning period and no shacking up with an immediate replacement but after that, well, I don’t think I have the right to deny anyone else happiness or a new relationship if that’s what they want.

But what about you? Have you had that conversation? Would you be bothered in this scenario? Or have you ‘banned’ your OH from ever seeking love post your demise?

Exactly. I don't need another 60 year old man resentful about my DC! I would be a nurse with a purse. DH feels the same way.

My DP can do what he likes. My assets and money are being left to my children, the only way to go as far as I’m concerned.

I know for many that this means you don’t get the IHT advantage but I don’t care. It’s about trying to plan which is difficult I know.

When I was married I told him he had to wait a week for however long we were married but also thought he would die before me as he was older than me. In the end he cheated and waited a minute for every year we were married before moving in with her. 14 minutes.

My partner now would probably never meet anyone as he is so shy. I did all the running after him to show I liked him.

Made me laugh. If my husband said that (2nd marriage) I'd say the same.

I really like what a PP said about ‘elastic love’. For me, remarrying isn’t about ‘replacing’ someone, it’s about saying that one day there might be room in my heart for someone else.

When my father remarried he didn’t just stop loving my mother, in fact he still talks about her and the love they shared. His new wife doesn’t ‘replace’ her in any way. She’s just simply a new season in his life and he’s chosen to not live life alone. I think my mum would have been happy with his choice.

I think a lot of us would say that.

It doesn’t really matter what she says her husband can do what he likes. She’ll be dead and have no idea what he’s doing.

I'd want my wife to be single until our daughter was an adult (and I'd do the same if she died). After that I would definitely want her to find someone.

There's a saying, something like keep doing the same thing expecting a different outcome is first sign of madness.

I was widowed very young and I think until you are in that position you can never say never.

Fast forward 23 years and me and Dh have both got children from previous marriages and have protected their inheritance by getting wills drawn up including them. Remarrying doesn’t have to mean that the kids from previous relationships won’t get anything.

If life has taught me anything it’s that it can drastically change at any moment and life is too short to not be happy. I’d want my Dh to be happy should I die first and it’s selfish to try and guilt trip someone into being alone because eventually kids grow up and have their own lives.

The traditional marriage vow is quite literally "until death us do part" - marriage does not last beyond death. We got married in a nonconformist church where we were allowed to write our own vows subject to the minister's approval and she wouldn't let us use words that promised enternity beyond death because that's not under our control - we compromised on making the wording "pray" that it would be eternity rather than vowing it. With the maturity of hindsight the minister was quite right. The dead do not get to comtrol the actions of the living.

This
I know of a case where the woman owned property as a joint tenant . Her husband then inherited the property when she died. He then remarried and left the house to his new wife
His kids from his first marriage didn’t receive anything

I think this is harsh. She can have a relationship but keep your daughter separate to protect her. Doesn’t mean she can’t have love again. And whilst I think a lot of step-parents are risky, some are amazing and some step children thrive with loving step parents.

I think it’s really controlling to decide how your partner behaves once you’re dead. You’re dead and you don’t get to decide what your partner needs in your absence.

Ringfence the money for sure but people shouldn’t be trying to control other people from the grave.

This. I hope he would be happy and I would like him to find love again and meet a partner but I would never forgive him for putting my children’s inheritance at risk. Told him this too.

I think that's appalling to say that to your Mum.

You're entitled to your choices for your life, but pressing them onto someone else is awful

You're free to think it's harsh, but my wife doesn't! We both agree that "blended families" are not in a child's best interests, and that our daughter should be the top priority of either of us if the other dies. She'll be an adult one day, and there'll be plenty of time for dating then.

And how exactly would she have a relationship while keeping our daughter separate, when our daughter's other parent is dead?

Your husband doesn’t need your blessing because you’d be dead and let’s be honest it’s not your mother dating you don’t support it’s your fear of losing your inheritance.

My god, what a selfish person you are. I don't even know your mum, and I hope she finds love again.

I also hope she leaves all her money to a donkey sanctuary...

People can’t date in their own personal time, separate from a child, and still have their child as their top priority. You date in your own free time.

It’s up to you what you do, I just think it’s unfair to put that pressure on another person. If I die my husband can find love and have another chance at being happy all day long. As long as my DC are safe, protected and introductions etc are after years and not weeks or months, who he loves is up to him and I wouldn’t expect him to struggle and be lonely without me. We only have one life, if mine is over who am I to dictate to anyone how they enjoy theirs.

When my DH has had a drink he says that actually he would do all he could to come back and haunt me if I remarried, ideally hexing my new husband's knob.

I do get it...

He can do what he wants; I’d be dead.

I wouldn’t remarry - I doubt I’d get in a relationship with a man. I’m too old and too belligerent to put up with another bloke in my life.
I’ve been with DP since we were kids and we have grown up together. That’s enough for me.

You've made an unfortunate typo in your first sentence- one I agree with, but I don't think you do!

I'm not sure how much free time solo parents with jobs realistically have.

If I predecease DH he will need to find a wife and quick. He can’t work the washing machine.

A lot of the blended families on MN seem to be men looking for childcare.
Or men who don't know how to run a washing machine!

DH can run the house fine so I expect he wont remarry. Too old anyway.

😂