Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

Aww congrats OP! Later life love can be especially sweet. I would go for it. I had my first at 44 and it’s wonderful. I’m definitely conscious of being an older mum- my partner is also older and we are very tired. That part is tough when you are both juggling jobs. We are also conscious that we need to stay healthy and fit for as long as possible for our son. But he is the absolute light of our lives and my plan is to embrace all his little friends and our extended family of cousins into our lives so he never feels alone and has a ton of people around to call family. I’d also say that longevity isn’t promised to any of us and people lose parents at very early ages. So go for it!! Good luck

I'd say that you need to think about things like are you in good health and can you maintain good health with a baby, as you'll be approaching 70 when the child is still in last year of uni for example.

Are you prepared to possibly have a child with potential additional needs (not a guarantee but a hard truth of having children older, I say this as someone who had a child older than planned and via ivf so stats were drummed into me)

I'm 37 and have a toddler, and found having a newborn and baby exhausting even though I was fit.

I'd also add that finding our soul mate is absolutely wonderful, I was lucky enough to meet mine at 23 though we didn't try for a family til we were 33 and then needed ivf at 35. As you know your whole life changes with a baby and you have far less time for eachother, you're a family not a couple and while you grow into it, things aren't the same when you had that freedom to just spend time with eachother in loved up bliss!

Is your partner younger than you?

I don't want to put you off but as a parent these have been my worries about approaching a second child at perhaps 39 which I know is younger than 46, but just sharing my own considerations from the pov of having had one child already so have a bit of insight into what it's like. But if you both really want to have a baby together and those things aren't a worry then honestly go for it, better to try than to regret not trying.

Yes.

Well you can try. But I wouldn't hang about.

Having had my youngest at about your age I found it easier than my first as I already was well practiced about broken nights, childhood illness etc.
Do you have nieces and nephews, close cousins etc nearby or other young families around.
Playing football with a nine year old isn't easy in your late fifties especially if you are both working

i knew someone who had their second child at that age
i felt she was too selfish by then
but that might just be her!

It’s too old. Sorry. Much increased likelihood of health issues for the child, and for you. Menopause with a young child while working (and potentially factoring in elderly relatives issues too). Paying for Uni in your 60s. Why not have a lovely life with your lovely man and enjoy that.

Yes, I think it's too old to start

My opinion is, it is too old, particularly with the risk of learning difficulties. Relative should have been enjoying early retirement, instead she's cleaning shit off the walls. Extreme example though.

I also think it’s too old to start. Because I’d hate to be so old when they turn 18 etc. it’s not for me. If had both before I was 30, I got remarried at 40 and even then we were both very much no thanks . Only you know you though.

Why not look at fostering? Your longer life experience would maybe make you an even better candidate.

I've probably got a skewed view of it as dh and I had babies at a "sensible age" and then dh died when he was 47. A lot of people live to their 80s so you may have a lot longer with your kids than my kids had with their dad!

Honestly yes I think it's probably too old...but it's also your last chance and life doesn't always work out perfectly so i think it may be worth a try.

It would be too old for me.
I think it would be unfair on the child tbh.

My mum had my sister at age 46 and my sister is currently 15. She has a lot of resentment towards my parents for being older parents. Shes very sociable but won’t invite her friends over as she’s embarrassed of them seeing her older parents. She gets sad thinking into her future, say if she got married and had her own kids around 30 she worries her parents won’t be around to see. She talks regularly about being sad of having older parents.
Sadly I do think it’s a bit old. Enjoy an amazing child free, free life :)

Have unprotected sex and zee what happens? If nature says yes then your not too old. I personally wouldn't consider anything beyond that

Mentally and financially of course not too old but fertility does reduce even from age 35 so you need to be aware that you may not manage it. I would start trying naturally right away tracking your ovulation with a kit with aim of getting pregnant in a month or two and having a 2nd child the year after. It may be worth paying for a fertility clinic too right away given the age.
The clinic can also assess your eggs (and your partner's sperm as no point trying if he is infertile). It may be necessary to use a donor egg but at least the child/children would be your partner's genetic child. You also might want to marry as that probably simplifies a lot of things too. Some countries abroad using your eggs and his sperm will implant more than one with IVF which greatly increases your chances whereas the UK moved to just one.

Yes it’s too old.

I think you’re too old but ultimately it’s up to you. I met my soulmate at 44 and was diagnosed with metastatic cancer at 47.

I'd say try, but do prepare yourself for it not to work. I got pregnant at 46, naturally, but lost the baby at nine weeks and the sheer hormonal kerfuffle sent me into premenopause and caused me a few problems.

I’m 47. At 45 I slipped a disc and have had achey joints- hips, elbows, lower back- for quite a while now- I’m losing weight (not that I think that’ll help my elbows 🤣), but I would NOT want to go through a first pregnancy now, not for any money. (Subsequent pregnancies might be different as the body knows what it’s doing.) And I’m fit and strong, sore joints notwithstanding.

I’m also very tired, and so is my OH. We got together at 42 and have both noticed a significant drop in energy levels since then. I have an older dc and he has none. I wouldn’t want to go through little-child rearing again now, I don’t cope as well with sleep deprivation or the tie to their needs.

Finally, the thought of having a child with additional needs is worth considering because while it can happen at any age, it’s potentially more significant if you’re an older parent. What would happen if your dc needed ongoing care, as you aged into needing care yourselves?

Good luck whatever you decide. It’s worth thinking about all the worst case scenarios as well as the beautiful parts. In your shoes I would sway towards appreciating and enjoying the life you have with your partner, but you might choose to go for it, so I wish you happiness whatever.

Not unreasonable. Low chance you will get preg naturally at 46 but it’s not a never

so could do ivf if no money issues as more chance will get preg then ttc every month

equally if doing ivf could think about donor eggs - not sure your views on de

I was almost 44 when had mini blondes. Mother Nature wasn’t nice to me so took 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf so many thousands

but worth every penny /pound

I think I’m a better mum as have a stable home /house /good job so no real money worries but obv need to work

have more patience and don’t want to be in the pub /clubbing every weekend as I did they in my 20/30’s

good luck

if you do ivf welcome to message me as bene there. Worn the r shirt as such

Not unreasonable. Low chance you will get preg naturally at 46 but it’s not a never

so could do ivf if no money issues as more chance will get preg then ttc every month

equally if doing ivf could think about donor eggs - not sure your views on de

I was almost 44 when had mini blondes. Mother Nature wasn’t nice to me so took 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf so many thousands

but worth every penny /pound

I think I’m a better mum as have a stable home /house /good job so no real money worries but obv need to work

have more patience and don’t want to be in the pub /clubbing every weekend as I did they in my 20/30’s

good luck

if you do ivf welcome to message me as bene there. Worn the r shirt as such

Not unreasonable. Low chance you will get preg naturally at 46 but it’s not a never

so could do ivf if no money issues as more chance will get preg then ttc every month

equally if doing ivf could think about donor eggs - not sure your views on de

I was almost 44 when had mini blondes. Mother Nature wasn’t nice to me so took 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf so many thousands

but worth every penny /pound

I think I’m a better mum as have a stable home /house /good job so no real money worries but obv need to work

have more patience and don’t want to be in the pub /clubbing every weekend as I did they in my 20/30’s

good luck

if you do ivf welcome to message me as bene there. Worn the r shirt as such

Not unreasonable. Low chance you will get preg naturally at 46 but it’s not a never

so could do ivf if no money issues as more chance will get preg then ttc every month

equally if doing ivf could think about donor eggs - not sure your views on de

I was almost 44 when had mini blondes. Mother Nature wasn’t nice to me so took 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf so many thousands

but worth every penny /pound

I think I’m a better mum as have a stable home /house /good job so no real money worries but obv need to work

have more patience and don’t want to be in the pub /clubbing every weekend as I did they in my 20/30’s

good luck

if you do ivf welcome to message me as bene there. Worn the r shirt as such