Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

This - it’s so easy to be carried away with what you want, not considering how that child is going to feel as they grow up having a parent that is so much older. I’m early 50’s and a grandmother and I could not conceive being a parent to a young child, I know I am too old no matter how fit and young I believe I am.

Honestly. The chances of conceiving and carrying a healthy first baby to term at your age is miniscule. It is probably too late.

You could always try. But at your age the more likely possibilities are "nothing ever happens" or "miscarriage after miscarriage", which may well be physically and mentally traumatic. It's no longer as simple as "positive test, baby, yay!"

I am a child of older parents (conceived naturally after they thought they were done) and I do not recommend it.

Also menopause. You’re just not in the right place emotionally to care for a child.

49 I hope she has a happy healthy pregnancy.

In my opinion, yes.

Christ, that's really reckless.

My worst nightmare !

I think there are lots of things to consider.

And one should also be 'am I prepared to be a single Mum?'

Relationships don't always work out and it sounds like yours is very new. It's not uncommon in the first flush of love where everything is unicorns and rainbows to have all these baby thoughts and chats. But having a baby can be hard on any relationship and breaks many.

Yes, sorry, I think it's too old.

Tbh there are some 46 year olds out there who I think could definitely do it, and others who I think no way in hell should they. Depends on what kind of 46 year old you are imo, but ultimately it's your decision.

Yep.

No it’s not too old. Most of those who tell you that you are have already got children. Why should you miss out on the joy of being a mother just because you didn’t meet Mr Right until you were in your 40s?

I had my DD in my 40s and she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I don’t care what anyone else thinks and neither should you. I’ve found motherhood a lot easier than some of the younger mums I’ve met along the way. Several have told me that they wished they’d waited and done more with their lives before having children. I’d already travelled, got a great career and my own home so DD was the icing on the cake for me.

I didn’t think I’d ever have children and was sad that it hadn’t happened for me. I don’t worry about dying. Anyone can die tomorrow.

I think you’d regret not trying OP. Go for it!

I think it’s ok (not too old) but unlikely to happen unless donor conceived.

If you’re committed to having a child you need to get on with it. Sorry for being brutal but at your age this is not the time to be pondering things for another 6 months. You both need to get to a specialist asap to get your fertility tested. Then get some honest advice about whether it’s likely to happen naturally (obviously there’s likely to be a chance but equally the odds may well be against you). This is probably not a “come off birth control and have sex every other day for 6 months” situation (though obviously nothing stopping you doing that as well!!).

Consider now if you’d be prepared to use a donor egg, likely to hugely increase your chances (if you go for IVF I’d definitely use one). Also consider how much money you’d be prepared to spend and whether you’d be prepared to go abroad (somewhere reputable in the EU of course).

Also consider that there is a good chance it might not work- how would you plan to keep the relationship stable and happy?

I have two friends who had unplanned pregnancies in their later 40s (46 and 48) and who’s DC’s are now 18m and 8m. They are knackered! They are really struggling with the effects of poor sleep. One has returned to work to what is a really stressful job and her DH works very long hours as he’s a high flying exec so much more falls on to her.

They obviously both adore their babies but would not have chosen this path. They are also both very acutely aware of the fact that they’ll be “elderly” when their DCs leave uni.

To add to this, one is going through caring for a parent with dementia.

Yes too old

I don't think it's too old. If you're in a happy, secure relationship and you're financially stable then let's face it, you'll potentially be able to offer the child more than many younger people who have a baby.

I think it's extremely naive to assume nobody regrets having children, especially at an advanced maternal age and all the additional risks that involves.

I adopted at 44, I am 61 now. He is nearly 17, it has been a joy. I did not find it hard at all and still don't. But I am aware I may die in his early adulthood. However, my mother is still alive and living independently at 91 so I hope I have her genes.

If you decide you really do want a baby (rather than just “I’ll try and see what happens”), then I’d go straight to donor eggs. Obviously there’s a lot to process and consider with that though.

Go for it x

I think you need to think long term and what's fair for the child. So yes, it probably is

I know quite a few women who are having babies in their late 40's now some with help some naturally. I think it really depends on you, your health and fertility, your family and partners family history, your own commitment to staying in good health for as long as possible for your possible future child.

Two things I've heard people say repeatedly that helped (obviously excluding actual medical intervention) was the book, It starts with the Egg by Rebecca Fett and a good Chinese herbalist and acupuncturist, Chinese herbs in particular seem to have resulted in a lot of success stories in my circle. However you can read It starts with the Egg and get started on her advice, supplement protocol pretty much right away.

Do have a careful look at the stats so you make an informed decision bearing in mind the risks at your age.

From a quick google miscarriage rates over 45 are over half, risk of a trisomy at 46 is 1 in 16. Stillbirth rates are higher. So this is quite a high risk enterprise.

If you were to use donor eggs these rates would generally decrease.

I understand this. My 2 uncles died relatively young - 32 and 52 - so I've always had the view that death can happen at any age and you just seize life and joy while you can. My dh was 46 when we had our first and 49 with our second (I was 30s) - 13 years later he's a pretty active dad, plays tennis with the kids etc