Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

While a lot of people have babies in their 40s, something I wasn't aware of until recently is that it's largely having a first baby post-40 that is considered a higher risk situation for the mother's health. The first pregnancy is the one where the biggest physical changes need to take place. So that's something to bear in mind, alongside the things others have mentioned. It definitely isn't impossible, though, of course!

That may be your personal experience but the fact is that autism is associated with increased parental age, as are many other conditions and risks.

I wouldn’t risk it sorry.

How long have you been with your partner? Not to be too much of a voice of doom, but if you're still in the first flush of love then you need to be prepared for the fact that it might not last long-term. Being a single mum of a young child in your late 40s does not sound fun, but it depends how great your yearning is for a child I suppose. It's certainly possible as plenty of replies on here prove. It's not ideal circumstantially, but you are where you are and if you want it enough and think you could cope with the potential issues around it (including coping if things go wrong and you lose the baby) then it could be worth a shot.

Personally, I think 46 would be unfair to the child. It will probably take you a while to conceive and at the point you have the baby, you will be fast approaching 50.

Why don't you look into fostering or adoption? It would be amazing to give a child a happy story.

My friend had a baby ( conceived naturally) at 42. At 48 she wanted another. She was too old for UK ivf treatment so they went to Spain and had egg donation and used her husband's sperm. It cost £7,000 ten years ago plus the vista of several trips to the clinic in Spain. It wasn't a pleasant process and she had every pregnancy problem and a cesarean at the end. Her husband has nicest and nephews with autism ( and is probably autistic himself). Both chdren have problems. The parents have found it very hard.Their parents are all dead so no help there.Their friends all had much older children who have grown and gone now. Friend is 59 this year .Her husband is 60. They are worried about funding uni

'I also think it’s too old to start. Because I’d hate to be so old when they turn 18 etc. it’s not for me. If had both before I was 30, I got remarried at 40 and even then we were both very much no thanks . Only you know you though.'

Surely kids been a broken home is worse than being older when they turn 18

I think that being mature and learning life lessons means you can be a great older Mum. What other PPs have said does stand, there is a heightened risk of disabilities, and you will be more tired but being younger doesn't guarantee you will be the best Mum. What you lack in physicality as you age, you should make up in maturity. I am an older Mum, having DD when I was 38, and I think I am much the better for it, being rather emotionally immature in my twenties and early thirties! I do feel old sometimes with younger Mums' but I also find myself giving them advice I wish I had when i was their age! Have you considered adoption? My friend adopted a 6 year old at 48. Obviously that's not plain sailing either, but worth thinking about.

You need to think more than just having a baby - you need to think about them as a toddler, child, pre-teen, teenager, young adult. My parents never did - they just wanted that to coo over a baby. I hated and still hate to this day having older parents (now just one).

I'm your age and personally I wouldn't even consider trying for a baby! My peers all had kids in their 30's and now have teenagers who are becoming more independent and fly the nest to uni etc. I can't imagine introducing a baby into my social life as everyone I know is well past that stage.

Broken home?

what an old fashioned thing to say

Studies do show an increase in autism with increased parental age, however the risk remains small overall.

They also don't know the reason and some findings have shown it can be because it's genetic and some autistic people settle down later in life.

My friends son is high needs autism and he will never live independently. She was 23 when he was born. It's a risk all parents take, not just if you're older.

Too old for me. I’m 41, but I have two children so it’s very different to that yearning stage.

If you are wealthy, healthy and content to have a child with or without their dad (not just wanting a rose tinted baby with your lovely partner - things might change there) and accept baby could have health problems- like any child then you could always try.

46 may not be too old for a baby, but 62 is sure as hell too old to be wrangling a 16 year old! You have to consider the long-term stuff, OP.........

I'd add that my dad was 45 when I was born and honestly it's felt like he's been an old man nearly my entire life. He was great for the first few years but not really physically or mentally able to parent a teen and young adult. We have little relationship and he's really more of a grandparent figure to me now, sadly. My brother also had his kid at about 46 (wife was 40ish) and, while in much better health than my dad, their child has a lot of additional needs. They're happy, of course, and love my nephew, but it is tough. You can never guarantee a straightforwardly happy, healthy family but my personal experience is that older parenthood leads to challenges more often than not.

I think its mad. Loads of risks go up. Chromosome issues (most cannot be tested for with antenatal testing), risks for birth etc. It's also one thing to have a baby in your late 40 and a teen in your early 60s.

Probably it's just theoretical anyways as your chances of conceiving will be marginal. I know it does happen (before anyone tells me they know someone who had a baby naturally at that age, but let's be real, it's extremely rare esp in the absence of IVF/donor eggs etc).

I say this every time one of these threads comes up - even if your baby is born apparently healthy, there's a huge link between older parents (both sexes) and ASD. I'm the child of an older couple (mum 43, dad 48) and have ASD, ADHD, crippling anxiety (from late diagnosis and a lifetime of masking) and (possibly related but no evidence to support) Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (a genetic disorder). Evidence also suggests the ASD link is also passed to future generations.

Had I known before having my kids that I was passing on my "faulty" genetic material and setting my kids up for my mental health issues, I'd have seriously considered remaining childless. I genuinely thought lots of love would make everything ok for my kids.

It didn't and as it is, both have varying degrees of ASD/ADHD. DS is the younger and I suspect his ASD hasn't yet fully come out to play. I'm expecting a horror show for his teens.

Don't do it OP. It's cruel and selfish.

People have been raised by grandparents throughout history so it's doable but possibly in previous decades, there was more extended younger family around to help and be role models - would you have anyone like that ? If he knew your age when you met then he should not really be thinking babies are on the agenda as it's still rare to conceive at that age. Does he think it's a strong possibility based on stories in the media about older mothers ? - many of whom user donor eggs from younger women

You need to start trying, like this afternoon! Seriously don’t waste a minute! It’s not too old if you’re still fertile but I think your chances of conceiving and going full term are low and there’s a lot of heartbreak associated with that.

Finances and energy are the least of your worries. Number one concern is health of the baby (if you mange to conceive). Number two concern is your health with pregnancy related complications and/ or impact of any fertility treatment you need.

autism is strongly linked to parental age (esp the father). Myriad other issues rise with advancing maternal age.

I have a dc with disabilities so I spend a lot of time in hospital and community clinics seeing a lot of suffering. Because of this we chose not to have another child while I was in my 40s - the age related factors were just too strong.

No it's not too old but you would need some money to throw at this. Many celebs having babies later are undoubtedly having ivf/donor eggs as its definitely going to be difficult to do naturally. Once you start down the road of wanting a baby it's hard to get off it without a baby...... Good luck x

Please don't do this. I wish people would stop for a minute and think about the child rather than themselves.

Thus is about what YOU want, not what any child would want. You would be 60 with a 14 year old!

Mid sixties with a child who is just about Uni age, whay would you do that to someone!

By the time your child was in their lat 20s, they would have to thinking of caring for elderly (let's be brutally honest), dying parents.

A dd has friends who’ve had healthy first babies at this sort of age. But as a pp said, don’t hang about!

The risks are higher the older you get, no one is saying only older mothers are affected but statistically they are at higher risk and it’s wise to consider whether a high needs baby/child/adult is something they can cope with.

’oh but I know someone who’s baby had x, y, z and they were young’ isn’t helpful.