Is 46 too old for a baby?

[Thebirdsang]

I never thought I'd be starting a thread like this. I'm 46, and have been long time single and really had accepted that despite a yearning to be a mother for much of my adult life, that my ship had sailed as I'd never met the right person.

Until that is that I met my absolute soulmate. Totally unexpectedly. Recently talk has been had about babies, mostly from him. I've kind of brushed it off, because I'm too old. Or am I?

We are financially stable, have good jobs, homes etc. I guess that comes with being older. But is it too risky? Is it unkind on the child? Is society just too prejudiced?

What even are my chances at my age. I still have clockwork periods and my mum was mid 50's before menopause hit. However I am aware that my fertility will be greatly reduced.

My partner is a couple of years younger if that makes a difference.

Thank you for your opinions! I'm very torn.

Am I being unreasonable to consider trying for a baby at 46?

Realistically you're unlikely to carry a healthy baby to term with your own eggs. It happens, but is rare.

Why should you miss out on the joy of being a mother just because you didn’t meet Mr Right until you were in your 40s?

Because of the impact on the child. And I say that as the child.

Yes

Think through whether you could cope, not just with a baby, but with a child, and if that would change with a disabled child.

Yes, I’d only consider with donor eggs from a younger donor too, it’s too risky for the child for me at that age. If I was desperate (and I completely sympathise babies are lovely) I’d go that route. And I’d make sure I really invested in life insurance and critical illness cover and wrote a good will and had someone setup if I and DH died - all things you should do anyway when you have dc but will cost you more at this age.

Yes it's too old imo.

I do know a few different older parents, they have funds for a lot of help though but they are doing fine and fit and healthy enough themselves.
Personally, I have very active boys, I had them at 31 and 35 and DH is 8 years older than me. I do feel we arent able to give them the energy that younger parents would, so things like playing sports with them, we do but we just dont have the energy levels that say a couple that had kids in their early 20s could give. But we do give them other things, like nice holidays etc that we wouldnt afford in our 20s.
Also, the lifestyle shift, you will be waking up early as in 6 or 7am for at least a decade, your time is not your own anymore and you have to do all sorts of things, every day you just didnt have to do before and still fit in your own life. Dh struggled with this more than me as he had had a longer period being his own boss completely, the self sacrifice is immense. Your money, your time, your body mind and soul is shared and sacrificed. I think this is the biggest shock. And this is for 18 years at least, then likely another ten of support needed while they find their feet into adulthood.
Ideally, if its what you want you need to start now trying.

I wouldn’t have wanted a child at that age. I’m 49 now and I’ve raised four children, eldest is 27 this year and youngest is 16.

It is a very long journey and I wouldn’t want to be at the beginning at my current life stage. They are still fairly needy in their early twenties so you’d be approaching 70 with a child that still probably needs you quite a bit. My mum died when she was 73.

Its a personal choice OP, only you and your partner know if its right for you so would take any advice on here with a pinch of salt

It would be too old for me, I'm 45 and would not have the energy to go through a pregnancy now, let alone look after a baby/ toddler.

I already have older children though, I might feel differently if I always wanted to be a Mum and it hadn't happened for me yet. I also might have more energy if I hadn't yet had my kids!

If it’s what you want, then go for it and don’t wait around. Be prepared for disappointment if things don’t go to plan, and if they do, be prepared for it to turn your life upside down, but for all the best possible reasons. No matter what age you are, being a mum to a small child is tiring. It’s your mental attitude on it that gets you through. For me, I’m so grateful to be a mum so I took all the exhaustion in my stride as much as possible.
Good luck and congrats on finding your soulmate. You’ve given me hope that I can still find mine 💕

No harm in trying

Absolutely dependant on the individual.
I had mine at 39 and 42 (DH 2yrs older), I even completed a 2nd degree whilst also working full time with the second and changed careers.
They are absolutely gorgeous, perfect little people and probably the luckiest children i know. We both work hard but every weekend, every holiday, everything we do is for our children, they enjoy a wide range of hobbies, we're always out and about with them, they've travelled the world and had so many adventures. They could not enjoy a better life or be more loved.

If you feel fit and well you could try. Sadly you have low chance of conceiving and high risk of miscarriage. Also consider what you would do in case of Down’s syndrome pregnancy.

Totally agree with this. I had my DS at 46, conceived accidentally at 45! He’s the love of my life and I’m working hard to stay fit and healthy for him. He also has a massive extended family around him. Yes it’s tiring but it’s the best thing I ever did!

Im 46. Yes I think its to old for a baby. It would be selfish.

About six years too old in my view if you factor in all the disadvantages and potential pitfalls.

I'm 48 with a just turned 2 year old. Yes it's too old!

I had my youngest at 43 and it’s hard work in your 40s. Plus I’ll be in my 60s by the time she leaves school. I wouldn’t be without her now but having a young child again has certainly resulted in a lot of constraints on my life at a time when I’d otherwise be enjoying a period of decent earnings and relative freedom to please myself.

No not too late OP - u know people who’ve conceived naturally up to 52 and it’s all gone smoothly 🙌

Have no idea why my reply repeated its self so many times

many say too old had kids younger so they can’t imagine Starting again with sleepless nights etx

do uou have friends with young children @Thebirdsang or will baby have cousins

the only bad thing about being older imo is that I may die when she is still young

or I could live till I’m 80/90 so she will be in her 40’s

my dad is 86 and full of life

equally my mum died when I was 40 and she wasn’t older - she got cancer and poorly after that - we don’t know what will happen to health

a big thing to consider - if you and the dad die while they are a child - who will be guardian /take care of them ?

I think it is too old, maybe stop using contraception and see what happens? Be prepared for disappointment. Also if you are really sure about parenthood research fostering/adoption as others have said.

I think if you were ten years younger I wouldn't advise you to rush into a baby with a relatively new partner, and I wouldn't change that advice for your age either.

If you are living together and committed, both in good health with a youthful attitude, why not stop contraception and just let nature take its course. If it happens it happens, accept if it doesn't.

Meanwhile enjoy what you have, a good, loving relationship. That counts for a lot, you can have a good, fulfilled life with or without a child.

Good luck.